DD wore my perfume!

System

January20 wrote: »

Actually, most posters are correct she is only 9, but if at 9 she is unable to listen to you and do as you ask/ expect then you have to take action because otherwise you will find yourself with a 12, then 16 yo etc who will think that she can do as she pleases and disregard your wishes.

Although, I do agree that cancelling her party is ott, I think she needs to understand that she cannot take what doesn't belong to her. I also think that for you it's the fact she didn't ask (I can't understand how other posters can't see this!) and then lied about it (showing she knew she had done wrong) that is the problem. You have already spoken to her on numerous occasions, to no avail and I think you just need to give her a taste of her own medicine.

OP, I would also ignore the people who say that your views/ upbringing are weird. They're not. You have your own set of principles and you are trying to bring up your daughter to be respectful of other people and their belongings. Can't see what is weird about that and I think there is a touch a ganging up on you because a mob mentally has developed on this thread. Ignore it!

It's absolutely NOT to do with a "mob mentality" thankyou! I speak entirely for myself after reading the OPs initial post.

Stephb1986_2

I think my step dad is one very lucky man if he was married to the OP he would be dead by now. The amount of times he's just used my car and not even replaced the fuel or the tread on my tyres or the wear and tear on my car I should of really murdered him by now! Most of the time he never even asks!!! There is no point in denying it either as I can tell he's been in it!

xx

Kaz2904

Wow, fast response!
Thanks for all of the responses.
Just to clarify (and hopefully show I'm not a complete monster ), DD has loads of different "perfumes" because I understand that she wants to play. That's fine. I have 1 perfume because that is what I like and it was bought for me as a gift. She has umpteen different make up items because they all like to play with make up and have girly times. She and I do have girly times together and I will do her make up for her and sometimes let her have a squirt of my perfume. She knows that it is a real treat to be given some of my perfume to wear and it's part of the lovely girly time.
Didn't mean it to sound awful about using the mirror when we were kids- they had a great big mirrored wardrobe in their room so it was like a real treat (like being a film star IYSWIM?). The same as using my dressing table is a real treat for DD. She gets to feel all grown up and likes to do her own hair.

My issue is not that she used my perfume so much as the fact that she lied about it. Lots of times.

Had she been honest when I asked her, I would have reminded her that she's not to touch my belongings without permission.
The reason I mentioned it was MY hairdryer was that she used mine rather than her own (I don't care which she uses, I often use hers as it's lighter and she'll use mine because she has thicker longer hair, no issue there).
Pigpen, I take on board about the hair in the hairdryer. Got mine sucked in once but didn't catch fire :eek:
It's about boundaries really isn't it? I've lost count of the things of mine which have been broken (a locket I was given on my wedding day for one) by small children trying it on on their way back from the toilet. Nice clothes ruined by them heaving them out of the laundry basket for some reason and then walking mud on them.

When she gets up in the morning I will talk to her again and point out to her again that she must not touch my things. I don't want to have to ban her from my bedroom. She needs to respect what she's told. Christmas is coming and we already have her present (a nice digital camera) and I don't want her rummaging through cupboards and drawers and finding her main present because it will spoil her surprise.

I would have thought that most parents have a ban on certain items of theirs which they won't let their offspring use. Mine happens to be my perfume. Clearly I'm odd though.
Thanks for the advice guys.

Cherry_Bomb

January20 wrote: »

Although, I do agree that cancelling her party is ott, I think she needs to understand that she cannot take what doesn't belong to her. I also think that for you it's the fact she didn't ask (I can't understand how other posters can't see this!) and then lied about it (showing she knew she had done wrong) that is the problem. You have already spoken to her on numerous occasions, to no avail and I think you just need to give her a taste of her own medicine.

Looking at it with a bit of perspective, it was a few squirts of perfume. It's not like she nicked a couple of cigarettes.

She absolutely should have admitted to it yes but for whatever reason she didn't. Perhaps she panicked when she realised she was going to get into trouble? Pretty normal kid behaviour yes?

sashadesade

I've got to agree that this is an overreaction. She's a little girl who saw a pretty bottle and couldn't resist having a squirt. You've already punished her my sending her to bed, you really don't have to go any further.

Bumpmakesfour

January20 wrote: »

OP, I would also ignore the people who say that your views/ upbringing are weird. They're not. You have your own set of principles and you are trying to bring up your daughter to be respectful of other people and their belongings. Can't see what is weird about that and I think there is a touch a ganging up on you because a mob mentally has developed on this thread. Ignore it!

No mob mentality influenced my views thankyou very much!I absolutely agree lying IS unacceptable..the daughter was sent to bed as a punishment.How on earth anyone could consider cancelling a bday party over it is way beyond me.Personally I think the experience the OP remembers with the lipstick..at 4 years old..is playing a big a part in this whole thing.
Just think.... in 20 years time the OPs DD could be on here posting.."daughter ate a biscuit she didn't ask for" whilst citing her experience of missing a friends bday party over nicking a squirt of her mums perfume at 9 years old as the reason for her own over reaction

mickey54

The_Bride wrote: »

Hardly crime of the century is it? My DD once used my MAC eyeliner as a crayon! Maybe a spell in borstal will do the trick! Honestly some people.......

My DD used my Channel No 5 as an air freshener many years ago...she is 42 now...so she lived to tell the tale. Her punishment - none!!! I just moved anything I did not want her to touch.. OP - get a grip - she's a child who wants to try different things. Pity help her if she has to come to you with a problem in later years.

blue_haddock

Kaz2904 wrote: »

I don't want her rummaging through cupboards and drawers and finding her main present because it will spoil her surprise.

Or even worse she stumbles upon your rampant rabbit! :rotfl:

Ravenlady_2

Maybe instead of scolding her you should explain the safety issues about perfumes and body sprays.

They're flammable, too much can irritate the skin and give her a headache, proper perfumes can leak oil marks on clothes, body sprays if used in a small space can be very dangerous.

At the end of the day daughters will try on your perfume and make themselves look like a drag queen then deny all knowledge of using your make up, its what kids do.

I think you have really over reacted to a trivial issue and could have handled it better, maybe you could buy her her own perfume for her birthday?

ska_lover

Op, when I was a child, we were not allowed in our parents bedroom without explicit permission, for something specific - I see where you are coming from with that. In fact, even me and my sister were not allowed in each others rooms, mainly because we fought like cat and cat, and one of us was very destructive, whilst the other looked after her stuff (pointing no fingers lol). Each bedroom was the 'private' domain of its owner.

Having said that, I would have probably got a telling off if i had sneaked a go on any of my mums beauty bits, but that would probably have been it. One of my mums 'dissapointed' looks was generally enough to tell us not to do it again!

Its clear you typed your first post on this thread in anger, and people reacted to that, they will see you are not a monster now lol. we all love a good rant and rave from time to time.

Ps hope the little un is still going to her party