kids lost all respect.

victory

aliasojo wrote: »

Clearly I don't know the background and as such I can only offer an opinion based on what the OP has said so far, but I suspect Mum has been pushed to the end of her tether and is maybe at the 'I've had enough too' stage.

People can do things that are not very sensible when they feel like that (like putting a holiday on a credit card). They can also feel like they just need to get away and need peace for themselves before they break.

I spent around 3 solid years talking myself out of leaving every single day when my middle one was playing up. I can understand just how 'pushed to the edge' you can feel sometimes. Maybe Mum needed time out? Worn down people are not always able to see things clearly and often act emotionally. Getting away and not calling home fits that, imo.

I get the feeling she's pretty much been left to get on with things a lot and her behaviour now, could well be just a result of everything that's happened and isn't really too surprising.

Mind you, that's just me surmising and I could be wrong.....for all I know she could be as happy as hell and partying every night.

No, I get it, very well explained thank you, I do understand, I'm sure we all have been there along the way of bringing up two kids, yes it has been a rocky road.;)

Kay_Peel

Your wife is in the USA, just 10 minutes away from a man that she 'talks' to on the internet. It makes you feel uneasy. She has used a credit card to fund her trip and that makes you resentful. Your relationship had already fractured and I suppose that you didn't send her off with a wavy cheer and loving wishes for a restful break. She may feel that if her provocative behaviour didn't spur you into action then nothing will.

I'm not defending her but I can understand her need to shock you.

vintagebrighton

And I can understand her need to get far away from 2 uncontrollable unhappy teenage kids and a partner who drops in and out probably causing all sorts of upset (whether intentionally or not) .......... she's probably looking for that elusive knight in shining armour who's gonna make it all good for her Shame the kids have got caught up in all this... sounds like the problems started really early but it's not too late. Believe me, I've bought 4 kids up on my own...... discipline doesn't mean physical punishment... it means love, boundaries, consequences and above all, consistency. That's where your respect comes from..... you want them to respect you? Do you respect them? Do you respect how hard their mother's had it too with you being away and back, away and back.........? You get out of kids what you put in........ good luck with it all, tis a tough job

DatabaseError

Kay_Peel wrote: »

... She may feel that if her provocative behaviour didn't spur you into action then nothing will.

I'm not defending her but I can understand her need to shock you.

taking on facebook right now, seems she's wanting me to move out on arrival, guess that's over then.
she seems to think she can sell the house and move over there.

euronorris

DatabaseError wrote: »

taking on facebook right now, seems she's wanting me to move out on arrival, guess that's over then.
she seems to think she can sell the house and move over there.

Is it? You could fight for her, for your marriage, for your family. It won't be easy, but would reap it's own rewards if you are successful.

How adamant is she?

Caroline_a

Sorry to hear that OP. However, what she wants and what she is entitled to are 2 different things. Who would have the boys? At their ages a court would take their opinion very strongly into consideration. If you were to keep them with you, then you would be able to stay in the house until they left school, and she would have to pay child support for them.

You would of course be within your rights to change the locks....;)

ciderwithrosie_2

Sorry but it sounds like your wife has no respect for you either if she's gone to the US to meet another man and telling you on FB to move out as she's selling up. Maybe she just really wants you to put up a fight for your marriage, start acting a bit 'caveman', and to tell her from now on you're a united front in tackling the boys' behaviour. You seem altogether too placid about it all.

DatabaseError

ciderwithrosie wrote: »

You seem altogether too placid about it all.

kinda sick of it to be honest, went through similar crap last year, i moved out, within a week she wanted me back, i held off for a month and went back, went to relate, things weren't as "fixed" as i thought. Never stopped loving her, do right now, but maybe it is time to walk away.
she's have the kids (she's been around for them most), i will happily pay my way and play my part.

victory

DatabaseError wrote: »

taking on facebook right now, seems she's wanting me to move out on arrival, guess that's over then.
she seems to think she can sell the house and move over there.

Wow, she says that but what do you say? Can you not talk about it? SURELY it is best for all to stay, work it out, settle the kids, your poor boys are going to be beside themselves.

Not only that but you will loose them, see them rarely if they move to USA

victory

DatabaseError wrote: »

kinda sick of it to be honest, went through similar crap last year, i moved out, within a week she wanted me back, i held off for a month and went back, went to relate, things weren't as "fixed" as i thought. Never stopped loving her, do right now, but maybe it is time to walk away.
she's have the kids (she's been around for them most), i will happily pay my way and play my part.

Paying your way great, playing your part so vitally important to those boys, money cannot buy that, was last year's probs the same as this years or different? Does your wife still love you?