I don't know what to make over what my husband has just said...

candygirl

There's a fab book called "The Charm Syndrome" by Sandra Horley that highlights these sort of men:D:D

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Sorry, OP, but there is no easy way of putting it (or not one that I could be bothered to work out)


The bloke sounds like a nutter.


Huge debt kept secret
Complains about food
Doesn't do housework because he 'shouldn't have to' even though you are finding things had going
Has sexual abuse allegations made about him
Proclaims undying love every few minutes
Demands you do the same
Doesn't want you to have friends online
Particularly hates men friends
Expects you to drop your knickers and give it to him whenever he wants
Pretends to be all vulnerable and a poor, vulnerable baby that needs you to constantly reassure him



I'd be looking for an escape pretty sharpish.

cte1111

You've evidently both had a really tough time over the last couple of years. I can't imagine how awful it must have been for your partner and you to have to deal with false accusations of abuse. Perhaps your husband needs help to recover from this trauma?

I would definitely look into couples counselling.

Re the sex regularity issue, it is difficult when one partner wants it more than the other. I guess most of it come up against this problem from time to time in long term relationships. I think many husbands who have young children would be delighted to be having sex as regularly as you are though!

claire16c

Your husband sounds like a controlling nightmare. Hes not happy with having sex 2-3 times a week (which is a lot more than some couples with a child and jobs!!!) but wont do housework?

He wants to control your friends? it stressed you out so much you stopped uni? Lied to you about debt?

What exactly is making you stay with him - How is he enriching your life?

The thing about not wanting you to be friends with people or going on facebook should be ringing massive alarm bells. That is NOT normal. The list jonty1970 posted is good. Ive lost count of the number of people Ive known or read posts on here, about men who behave exactly like this. They act so similar, that check lists like that can actually be made about them. It will only be so long before they take on more and more of the traits.

Why on earth would you want to sleep with someone like that! Hes hardly making himself attractive by treating you in this way.

And telling you he loves you 3 times an hour? I would find that creepy!

ViolaLass

I note he's happily going on holiday with his bonus money but doesn't like you spending £2 at MacDs. Do you have your own spending money?

make_me_wise

noodles86 wrote: »

Just not sure what to do, he constantly tells me he loves me but I just don't get what he means? Any ideas/advice?

I am struggling to fathom what is going on in your husbands head to be honest. My husband and I are extremely straight talking people. So if he were to start making comments to me as your husband is with you, I would be talking it out with him at the time it was said, till he explained fully what he meant.

I hate to say it, but I feel he is deflecting some issue or problem he has with your relationship onto you. It almost feels like mind games to me. He asks if you would ever leave him, asks when you knew he was the one. Then tells you he knows you lie. Its like completely switching tack. What angle is he going to come at you from next?

If he were saying these things because he was deeply insecure he wouldn't leave you wondering what the hell he meant by it all. If he suspects you of doing something, completely uinfounded I am sure, then he would want full answers and would have told you what he thinks you lie about. You would both be getting to the bottom of the heart of the problem and aiming to sort things out.

I dont know your ages. This kind of screams out midlife crisis to me. Have any of your close friends or relatives recently gone through a divorce? Has he seen a bloke be taken to the cleaners by an ex, started to worry how rock solid things are with you two and being in a state got a distorted view of reality.

Im sorry if any of this comes across as blunt, it is not meant in that way. Just trying to be honest about what my gut instinct told me as I read your post.

The only person who can answer your question OP is your husband. Some straight talking is needed I think. I hope you both sort it out and get back on track.

claire16c

I just looked at that redflag website. There is a page on there about healthy relationships. From what youve told us OP, there is barely anything on the list that you could tick.

http://www.theredflagcampaign.org/index.php/dating-violence/your-relationship-is-healthy-if/

victory

True there is def not a lot there for you

make_me_wise

OP my earlier response to you was made after reading your firt post. Having now read your second post I have a very different view of how things are.

I think you are living with a controlling, abusive, manipulator who is trying to isolate you. I would advise you to think very carefully, about what messages being in a relationship with a man like this is sending to your daughter. At the moment she will be learning that your husbands behaviour is normal and what is to be expected from adult relationships. It is far from normal and I think that both of you are at great risk.

Abuse always escalates and in my opinion that is what you are suffering.

elisebutt65

Sounds like a right nightmare to me!! Telling you he loves you 3 times an hour??? Nutter!!!!

About being overweight? Are you really overweight? Or does he say that you're overweight?? That's one thing my ex used to do to me - Calling me a whale or an elephant!!! I am a wee bit podgy but nowhere near whale status yet!!!:eek: But christ it gave me a complex!!!

And sex 2-3 times a week with you doing ALL the work around the house and looking after DD - Tell him if he does more, then you'll put out more;)

But I still think he's a nutter:rotfl: