I don't know what to make over what my husband has just said...

noodles86

To be fair the mcdonalds thing. Im not that keen on mcdonalds but dd loves it as most kids. So if we have been out all day around town and she has behaved then I will get her one as 2 pounds isnt going to break the bank and it's generally once a fortnight to once a month. And some times i will buy her a snack and feed her when I get back. Depends on what we're doing in town. But he just goes on about how bad they are. It's never about money that he goes on about. But sometimes i think well what food can you eat when you're out for the day that a child will deffo eat. To be fair I'm only speculating on what he thinks i've lied about. But that's the only thing i can think that i have and it's hardly often!

Forgot to add, on holiday he used to put sky news on to see if the rebels had caught gadaffi when we got into bed and I'd be asleep before the end of the news. I was just tired!

euronorris

Any wrote: »

Good on you!! Not meant with irony - but I can tell you my husband could wish!
No pressure there then... not just 3x a week as all the magazines say is normal, every day now should be the norm..

Now you are making even me feel bad!:-)))

Is it just me or is thinking that if you have 1 week off in a year where you rarely get minute rest because of small child and needy husband (possibly) will immediately change you from tired mum to lovely relaxed person a bit pushing it?

I agree with you and others, we only see one side of the story...
Maybe he is possesive, needy and wimp.
And maybe the OP due to normal life every day tasks forgotten how to appreciate her OH.

OP, think back about it all and do you think you are giving him less intimacy?

I wasn't saying it to make anyone feel bad. Sorry if it came across like that.

Just being honest about what I would think in that situation. But every relationship is different.

We don't do it every day, but about 5 times a week (sometimes more, sometimes less). OH would still like more!! H'll, he'd do it 4 times a day, every day if he could! And even had a moan about it before now, but he has accepted that we have differing sex drives and we are already meeting in the middle.

Every relationship is different, and I don't think there is a 'normal' when it comes to the no. of times per week/month a couple has sex. It is whatever works for them, and makes them happy. Plus, we don't have kids yet, so we have more free time than couples who do (and probably more energy!).

But....if we went on holiday, and it wasn't even on the same level as usual, it would indicate that there is a problem. Likewise, if it suddenly dropped to once or twice a week, or less, it would signal a problem. If there is no obvious 'outside the relationship' problem (too much work, illness, too much stress etc), then I would be asking if something is wrong with the relationship.

Good point about the child being on holiday with them though. If OP is still doing all the usual family stuff, just in a different location, then she isn't going to feel any less tired.

Any

noodles86 wrote: »

To be fair the mcdonalds thing. Im not that keen on mcdonalds but dd loves it as most kids. So if we have been out all day around town and she has behaved then I will get her one as 2 pounds isnt going to break the bank and it's generally once a fortnight to once a month. And some times i will buy her a snack and feed her when I get back. Depends on what we're doing in town. But he just goes on about how bad they are. It's never about money that he goes on about. But sometimes i think well what food can you eat when you're out for the day that a child will deffo eat. To be fair I'm only speculating on what he thinks i've lied about. But that's the only thing i can think that i have and it's hardly often!

Forgot to add, on holiday he used to put sky news on to see if the rebels had caught gadaffi when we got into bed and I'd be asleep before the end of the news. I was just tired!

My OH also hates McDonalds, and frequently goes on about it.
However not in front of me anymore. If your daughter likes it and you have no issue with getting it as a treat once a MONTH then you shouldn't need to listen to the moan every time.

candygirl

elvis86 wrote: »

To be honest I think that some of what you've said sounds a bit worrying. You're scared to tell him when you take your daughter for a McDonalds or buy her treats? He knows that you're isolated and yet he resents you making contact with friends via Facebook? Is he perhaps a bit possessive?

Having said that, being overweight and tired is no excuse to make no effort, and if he's craving physical intimacy with you and facing constant knock-backs, that may be causing him to feel insecure.

That's my take on it too.If he thinks you don't want to be intimate with him, and would rather go on fb chatting to old friends, I can see why he might be a bit insecure:(:(
I also don't see the point in lying to him, even over little things.Me and OH tell each other what we do every day, and even if he's working and I go to meet a friend for coffee or dinner he's fine about it.I wouldn't be with him if not:D:D

candygirl

noodles86 wrote: »

To be fair the mcdonalds thing. Im not that keen on mcdonalds but dd loves it as most kids. So if we have been out all day around town and she has behaved then I will get her one as 2 pounds isnt going to break the bank and it's generally once a fortnight to once a month. And some times i will buy her a snack and feed her when I get back. Depends on what we're doing in town. But he just goes on about how bad they are. It's never about money that he goes on about. But sometimes i think well what food can you eat when you're out for the day that a child will deffo eat. To be fair I'm only speculating on what he thinks i've lied about. But that's the only thing i can think that i have and it's hardly often!

Forgot to add, on holiday he used to put sky news on to see if the rebels had caught gadaffi when we got into bed and I'd be asleep before the end of the news. I was just tired!

omg just seen this!!I'd take that as a passion killer too:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

peachyprice

noodles86 wrote: »

. But then it seems a bit of a silly reason to split up because I want to be friends with whoever I like and because 2-3 sex a week isn't enough.

No, that really isn't a silly reason to split up.

My ex was like that, he didn't lile me going out with friends, he only wanted me to wear (inappropriate) clothes that he liked, hell, I had one pair of jeans that I had to hide from him and change out of before he got home, he told me how I had to have my hair, the list is endless. Slowly, slowly he chipped away at my freedom. Meeting my now OH made me realise that this wasn't normal, and my life shouldn't be like that.

Controlling behaviour isn't a silly reason at all, add all those little control freak ways together and it becomes a huge reason to leave.

Anybody that knows me now wouldn't believe in a million years that I let myself be controlled like that, infact I doubt people at the time realised what was going on behind closed doors.

victory

gonzo127 wrote: »

actually that second post is shocking, he sounds less like a husband and a partner and more like a master or owner.

I so agree, it is a completely different scenario now, the first one was plain insecurity and give him some TLC and it will blow over and be fine but then the second post, that is a whole different story now

euronorris

victory wrote: »

wow, that changes everything, he says he can't trust you because you tell white lies and he keeps from you a massive debt? WOW, it is him, all him, start thinking of the bigger picture

Yep, it sure does change things!

He is massively insecure, and is trying to control you as a result. He thinks you are lying about stuff, because he has. So, in his mind, if he does it, you must do it too.

The only thing you can try (ONLY if you want to) is to get him to go to counselling about his insecurities. I would recommend he go alone at first, and then (if progress is made) you can join him.

However, you may have to accept that he won't improve and therefore ask yourself if you want to continue in this relationship.

One thing I do know is, his insecurities are NOT your fault and you can NOT fix them. Only he can.

noodles86

When I wrote the first post I had just got back from Tesco's and a bit confused, so wrote out exactly what was in my head. Read the first four replies and went and got dd, still having a think about everything. Then I thought about everything I have also been through over the past year and thought i've been through a lot too! I was quite surprised by what he had said in the car as on whole things are ok, but it just seems as I start to want to get a bit of a life, his insecurities/possessiveness seems to come to the surface.

victory

In the first year of marriage things should not just be ok but brilliant, all these problems if they have to surface in a marriage should be a lot further down the line.