I don't know what to make over what my husband has just said...

Tropez

Why are you constantly tired?

victory

No of course not, she does not need to change into something he feels maybe she should or be someone else, no not at all what I am saying is that she has been told or warned or been made aware her OH has a problem, it is within her power and her hands to rectify it before it gets worse, to better the situation by some very tiny tweaks.

No white lies is a fair one, limit the facebook timeo r if not let him see the page so there are no secrets, just for now, be open about it all, going around telling little lies and being on facebook are two things that he is insecure about, if she wants him to feel settled and loved she can change that, no problem.

As for in the bedroom, of course no, she does not have to turn into a burlesque clad woman but she can make an effort by showing him she wants him, that is all he needs, to be wanted, to feel less insecure and be stable in the relationship.

I am sure he hates going around every day feeling as bad as he does, self inflicted or otherwise but he is saying help me, a marriage is ther to help each other but in this instance he needs her more than she does so tell him.

peachyprice

victory wrote: »

If the tiredness is a big issue, get a friend, family to look after the children and make a 'date night' make it all about him, make the effort to get dressed up, smell nice, make him feel wanted, valued and loved, make it like it was when you were dating, all fun and exciting, does not have to be expensive, just make it that one night all about him and make him feel special.

They've just had a holiday without their child, and she was still too tired! If that wasn't the perfect time to rekindle the passion I don't know what is.

TBH, if we went on holiday as a couple and there still wasn't any intimacy I'd be worried about my relationship too.

euronorris

Person_one wrote: »

I agree with the first paragraph here. No you shouldn't really be telling white lies about McDonald's and so on, but you also shouldn't feel like lying is a better option than being honest with your husband.

Just want to put this possibility out there also: Just because she is lying about having a McDonalds (for example), doesn't necessarily mean that he is reacting really badly upon hearing the news.

It could be that his reaction is only small, but she just doesn't want to hear it, so avoids it completely. Or, she knows he will be disappointed and doesn't want to face that disappointment either. Some people overthink these things, and make a mountain out of a molehill. For all we know, he may just respond with 'I wish you wouldn't eat that junk, it's no good for you.'.

And his reasons for not wanting her to eat McDonalds could be due to budgeting, or agreeing to stick to a healthy eating plan, or he'd already made dinner, or he just doesn't want his daughter to eat junk food.

Only the OP can clarify for us what the situation is. OP?

And, if it is anything like above, then again talking about it and agreeing some ground rules is the way forward. ie, OP promises not to lie about it, and her OH promises to keep his (well known) opinion to himself about it.

euronorris

peachyprice wrote: »

They've just had a holiday without their child, and she was still too tired! If that wasn't the perfect time to rekindle the passion I don't know what is.

TBH, if we went on holiday as a couple and there still wasn't any intimacy I'd be worried about my relationship too.

Same here. Our holiday this year was to the UK, and was pretty exhausting as we actually spent a lot of time visiting family and friends, as well as doing some fun (but tiring) stuff. But....we still managed the bedroom action most days, sometimes twice.

We were both still tired, but we were more relaxed and enjoying some time doing activities together, so the spark was in full force.

OP, what do you need to feel less tired? Or, is 'I'm tired' just an excuse? Is there another reason? Is your sex drive just lower than his?

victory

The I'm tired is such an old excuse, surely though, not that I can barely remember that far back 1 year into the marriage it should be a lot more hands on than it is now?

Person_one

victory wrote: »

The I'm tired is such an old excuse, surely though, not that I can barely remember that far back 1 year into the marriage it should be a lot more hands on than it is now?

Maybe she really is tired?

OP, maybe pop to the GP if you feel that tiredness is really affecting your life.

euronorris

victory wrote: »

The I'm tired is such an old excuse, surely though, not that I can barely remember that far back 1 year into the marriage it should be a lot more hands on than it is now?

I don't think it's always an excuse though.

Sometimes I am exhausted, and I just want to go to sleep so I am more refreshed the next day. Whereas, from OH's point of view, he's exhausted but horny, and will happily be tired the next day if it means he gets nookie.

It's all about priorities, and IME, most men will happily sacrifice sleep for sex, whereas women (generally speaking) are less willing to do so.

Bufger

Sounds like a controlling person is tightening the net and trying to make you feel like its your fault. Give him some truths - your not cheating on him, you're free to be friends with whomever you want and you're sorry you dont feel like having intimate moments too much at the moment due to your own insecurities and nothing more.

Communication in a relationship is very important. If he's a controlling person he needs to know exactly where the boundary lies which will make both of you feel more comfortable. (if he doesnt like you and DD having a McD's every now and then - tough!)

victory

Yes I understand , it just seems in this case the 'I am tired' comes up a lot and is causing problems, here and there that is fine, everyone is, everyone cannot fancy it on the same day at the same time always but sometimes the I am tired is a mask