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I don't know what to make over what my husband has just said...
Comments
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wannabe_sybil wrote: »OP - Google cycle of abuse.
Marrying you - harder to lose you
Facebook - if you have lots of contacts besides him then you can see that saying 'I love you' a zillion times a day is not normal and that being accused of lying over 'little things' is not normal (he wont' tell you what they are - it keeps you in a state of agitation and is it is impossible to disprove what he is saying or behave in any way that makes it harder for him to say that you are lying)
You say you have moved - was it at his instigation and was it away from people you like, trust and enjoy the company of, aka support network?
How many things do you 'dance around' and 'second guess' to stop him being 'insecure'.
I bet he tells you that he loves you 'no matter what weight you are'. That's a really good way to make you feel fat. 12-14 isn't grossly overweight unless you are 2foot4inches. How you feel yourself is very important so don't let me diminish your feelings either - how you feel is important.
Do not go to counselling with him, at least not until you have had counselling yourself. If he is iffy then you will just be giving him loads more ammunition ('you said in counselling x but on that day you said y, look, you can't stop lying to me. Anyway, when I said x the counsellor said you should do y and I don't think you are...')
How do you think he would react to at trial separation. Perhaps you could phrase it so that you could work on stopping lying.
Hope I am wrong about all this!
Hiya, just to answer a few of the above.
Facebook, he isn't on facebook and has no desire to be. I was agitated when I came on here yesterday as I don't like to be accused of something but not know what.
We wanted to live together and looked at the pros and cons of him living with me and me moving over to his area and finding our own place. He would have had to travel over 80 miles a day to work and back on the motorways through rush hour back. To me uni was no difference travel wise between where I was and where I live now. I don't get on with my family and happy with the distance between us. Just miss my old friends. Another thing was although the rent would be a lot cheaper there I had problem neighbours. So it was a joint decision for me to move.
I asked for a trial separation before, can't remember when it was now or why (some point over the past year) we were just arguing loads but he wouldn't. He tells his family nothing (they don't know about the debt) so he says he would rather go for counselling than have a trial separation. As he would have no where to go and would have to move out fully etc i.e. wouldn't stop at friends/family as he wouldn't want them to know we weren't getting on.Spreading a little Christmas joy all year round :santa2:0 -
I'm an evil partner
if my OH goes to sleep/bed after work, the dinner gets put on the table, if he doesn't appear for it, it goes cold and he has to eat a reheated soggy mess when he eventually decides to get up. 
I must be worse then. If he goes straight to bed/sleep after work, I don't make him anything. We're both working full time, so he can make himself something when he's ready.
But, if he is ill, I will try to make him something if he wakes up again (and feels up to eating). As he does with me. I do insist on it being healthy though, to help him recover more quickly (he has a tendancy to pick whatevers quick and easy which is usually junk!).February wins: Theatre tickets0 -
euronorris wrote: »I must be worse then. If he goes straight to bed/sleep after work, I don't make him anything. We're both working full time, so he can make himself something when he's ready.
But, if he is ill, I will try to make him something if he wakes up again (and feels up to eating). As he does with me. I do insist on it being healthy though, to help him recover more quickly (he has a tendancy to pick whatevers quick and easy which is usually junk!).
I'm a control freak, I like to clean the kitchen MY way after cooking. He likes to take all the pots, pans, bowls, and any other cooking implement out of the cupboards. So I prefer to leave a plate with food on The frontier is never somewhere else. And no stockades can keep the midnight out.0 -
I'm a control freak, I like to clean the kitchen MY way after cooking. He likes to take all the pots, pans, bowls, and any other cooking implement out of the cupboards. So I prefer to leave a plate with food on
Fair enough.
My OH is the opposite. Whatever he can make, with the least amount of effort and utensils possible, he will! :rotfl::rotfl:
But then, his mother never did bother to teach him to cook, so he's still learning now. And I'm not exactly Delia Smith here! :rotfl::rotfl:February wins: Theatre tickets0 -
euronorris wrote: »Fair enough.
My OH is the opposite. Whatever he can make, with the least amount of effort and utensils possible, he will! :rotfl::rotfl:
But then, his mother never did bother to teach him to cook, so he's still learning now. And I'm not exactly Delia Smith here! :rotfl::rotfl:
Christ I wish mines was a good cook, the only thing he's good at making is a mess.
You both seem to have the right thing going on anyway! I always said I'd never run after any man, except from my dad!
The frontier is never somewhere else. And no stockades can keep the midnight out.0 -
euronorris wrote: »Fair enough.
My OH is the opposite. Whatever he can make, with the least amount of effort and utensils possible, he will! :rotfl::rotfl:
But then, his mother never did bother to teach him to cook, so he's still learning now. And I'm not exactly Delia Smith here! :rotfl::rotfl:
I'm a great cook (even if I do say so myself) and I try to use as few pots/utensils as possible!
Mind you I've also been called a freak for starting washing up while things are cooking, so that only the plates you've eaten from need washed after eating.0 -
VestanPance wrote: »I'm a great cook (even if I do say so myself) and I try to use as few pots/utensils as possible!
Mind you I've also been called a freak for starting washing up while things are cooking, so that only the plates you've eaten from need washed after eating.
YES that is the correct way to do it!!The frontier is never somewhere else. And no stockades can keep the midnight out.0 -
Christ I wish mines was a good cook, the only thing he's good at making is a mess.
You both seem to have the right thing going on anyway! I always said I'd never run after any man, except from my dad!
you can still make a good meal even when making a mess - actually thats usualy what i do when i get home from work well after having played with the kids for a little while anway - probably handy that i can cook and that i enjoy it, thou as my Mrs can burn water!Drop a brand challenge
on a £100 shop you might on average get 70 items save
10p per product = £7 a week ~ £28 a month
20p per product = £14 a week ~ £56 a month
30p per product = £21 a week ~ £84 a month (or in other words one weeks shoping at the new price)0 -
YES that is the correct way to do it!!
oh no it isnt!
what a waste of water, gas and washing up liquid as there is no way the water will still be hot once you have finished eating so you then have to run another bowl of water for the washing
just noticed however we are going off on somewhat of a tangent to the OP's issue'sDrop a brand challenge
on a £100 shop you might on average get 70 items save
10p per product = £7 a week ~ £28 a month
20p per product = £14 a week ~ £56 a month
30p per product = £21 a week ~ £84 a month (or in other words one weeks shoping at the new price)0 -
you can still make a good meal even when making a mess - actually thats usualy what i do when i get home from work well after having played with the kids for a little while anway - probably handy that i can cook and that i enjoy it, thou as my Mrs can burn water!
If he was a good cook and made mess I'd accept it and gladly eat his food. He's not though
if it doesn't come in a packet with a lovable bearded captain on the front, he can't "cook" it. The frontier is never somewhere else. And no stockades can keep the midnight out.0
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