Male mid life crisis?

lisa_75

Rachie_B wrote:

thats something then !

are you IN love with each other though ?

To be honest I don't really know the difference between loving someone and being "in love". It is the same to me.

Kman2001

linlin wrote:

You have my sympathies and full understanding as I've been through a similar experience.

Try to understand why he's feeling like this - he feels stifled, clung to, trapped. He wants to do his thing. Everything he says and does will be about him. Don't look for thanks - you won't get it. He's thinking from the waist down. Unless something great comes his way and he thinks you could be handy fitting into "his" greatness, he can't and won't consider you. What the future holds, is anyone's guess.

You, however, can play your part. Having made his life easy you can now show him what life is like without your help. No ironing, washing, cooking. No making him coffee. Withdraw without being overtly unfriendly. If he asks why, ask him what he expects after speaking to you like that. Always, stand up to him - tell him what you think, never start a conversation with him and ignore him as much as possible. Never cry or show evidence of weakness when he's around. If you withdraw enough, he may miss you. If not.....

You need to give yourself some time to think about what you want out of life. Just you, not him, not the children. Think about life post-children. Think also about something you could do to him or his possessions that would seriously hurt him - and hold that in reserve.

Good luck

i personally think this is the recipe to an unhappy marriage or a divorce..the bullying analagy used to support it doesnt work either because in the real world it's not a simple case of "you stand up to the bully and he backs down gets scared and it all stops".

first of all i don't know if it's the case but is it not possible your husband is making excuses for his "problem" due to embarassment and by leading you to believe the reason for them is he wants other partners he feels slightly more manly and less inadequate because the blame is now with you and not him?

Be certain this is not the case as it very well could be. Also appreciate the fact no matter what kind of guy he is, he has not cheated on you as many men do, he has told you his feelings. What is not too admirable is the rude way in which he went about it however but still, he has told you instead of just going ahead and cheating which says he does respect you enough to do that still.

Try and rediscover your relationship, do things you did when you were young like go to the cinema, go dancing. Try new things, take a cheap easy jet flight to a romantic city if money is low and see the sights. If money is really that tight set aside just £20 a week (or whatever you can pull) and every month use the £80 or so quid to have a nice night out. At the end of the day no matter how much fun you have together if you don't go out together and treat yourselves sometimes things do get repetitive and boring.

First talk it through with your husband what he has said, if he is resentful and spiteful towards you, i think you need to re-examine the relationship and really determine how much he still cares for you. If you feel he does care enough then you should take the lead roll at first, be the mature one, it's a marriage not a game so dont play stubborn games! If he doesn't give back though maybe you have to either look deeper into your problems or decide may it isn't for you. Try at first but if you try and keep trying and he's still how he is then screw him you deserve better .

lisa_75

My husband rang earlier from work. I have not seen him all day as I was out of the house before he got up and he is on nights. He said he had too much to drink last night and may have been a little too loose with his tongue. He said he realised he had done wrong when he got up this morning and his clothes were not ironed for work and I had not made his lunch. (I was pretty peeved this morning!)

We are going out for lunch on Friday to "talk".

Kman2001

good luck!

flufff

I would be questioning what made him say what he had especially after a night out.
Sounds promising he wants to talk.G'luck :-)

magyar

lisa_75 wrote:

My husband rang earlier from work. I have not seen him all day as I was out of the house before he got up and he is on nights. He said he had too much to drink last night and may have been a little too loose with his tongue. He said he realised he had done wrong when he got up this morning and his clothes were not ironed for work and I had not made his lunch. (I was pretty peeved this morning!)

We are going out for lunch on Friday to "talk".

Good luck Lisa.

I have to say if you're making his lunch every morning and ironing his clothes, then at the very least he needs to have a little reality check!

linlin_3

A little withdrawal from the domestic scene can work wonders! Keep it up and hope for a flowers as a gesture.

Good luck for Friday - and be late for the lunch date!

Rachie_B

lisa_75 wrote:

My husband rang earlier from work. I have not seen him all day as I was out of the house before he got up and he is on nights. He said he had too much to drink last night and may have been a little too loose with his tongue. He said he realised he had done wrong when he got up this morning and his clothes were not ironed for work and I had not made his lunch. (I was pretty peeved this morning!)

We are going out for lunch on Friday to "talk".

good luck for friday

but hun quit making his lunch and ironing his clothes !!! he is a big boy now

fluffyscruffy

Make sure you say everything you want to say on Friday, Lisa.
Hope it all goes well for you and this is just a bit of a rocky patch.

victory

good luck for friday, make sure you make a list of questions so you don't forget to ask him when he starts speaking, get it all out in the open, listen but also talk and hopefully it will be sorted out with no lasting damage:D