Male mid life crisis?

lisa_75

nats3006 wrote:

Men take a long time to grow up but i would never recommend any woman to waste her life waiting like i had to.

This is exactly how I feel. He has always been very immature and done "boy" things. Playing with computers, playing with cars. Not much help around the house or with the kids. I just feel this a step too far, as far as immaturity goes. He has responsibilities (the kids) which he chose and saying he thinks he would rather have a good time playing the field than being a responsible husband and father really hurts.

I don't have the option to have a mid life crisis, to leave him and the kids for some casual fun. Why should he?

I think we are going to go down the counselling route. I am not sure whether marriage guidance or sex therapy would be more appropriate. Does any one have any ideas? Is this a sex issue or a marriage issue?

lisa_75

jordylass wrote:

Hi Lisa take a look at http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/postlist.php?Cat=&Board=UBB34
It is a busy message board like this, that link takes you straight to the thread on Midlife Crisis abbreviated throughout that site as MLC, the message boards have loads of good relationship information.

Good Luck

That seems to be exactly what he is going through. Thank you very much.

Saucepot

Let him buy a caterham 7. They sort out mid life crisis and are quite nippy to boot.

magyar

lisa_75 wrote:

This is exactly how I feel. He has always been very immature and done "boy" things. Playing with computers, playing with cars. Not much help around the house or with the kids. I just feel this a step too far, as far as immaturity goes. He has responsibilities (the kids) which he chose and saying he thinks he would rather have a good time playing the field than being a responsible husband and father really hurts.

Ah, but we all like our toys! Doesn't mean we all disregard our responsibilities. Seriously, though, it sounds to me like he's not all bad - just going on what you've said. Did his mother also look after him (and crucially, his father) like you do? And did he go to college/uni? I wonder if he's never really had to lift a finger, so can't see why life is different now.

lisa_75 wrote:

I think we are going to go down the counselling route. I am not sure whether marriage guidance or sex therapy would be more appropriate. Does any one have any ideas? Is this a sex issue or a marriage issue?

Almost certainly marriage, in my opinion. You need to discover the joys of being together.

Can I just ask - do you have many opportunities to go out as a couple, without the kids, with friends? Perhaps it's FRIENDS he's missing, rather than 'the lads'. I know I miss having friends sometimes.

magyar

Saucepot wrote:

Let him buy a caterham 7. They sort out mid life crisis and are quite nippy to boot.

And have at least a 50/50 chance of killing him, so maybe LinLin's advice (above) could be followed here

Rachie_B

i think its primarily a marriage ( relationship) issue

but perhaps the sex side ( problems) of the marriage ( to him anyway ) goes hand in hand with the marriage issues aswell ?

magyar

Rachie_B wrote:

i think its primarily a marriage ( relationship) issue

but perhaps the sex side ( problems) of the marriage ( to him anyway ) goes hand in hand with the marriage issues aswell ?

Agreed. A good marriage counsellor will identify if you need sex counselling separately.

fluffyscruffy

http://www.relate.org.uk/

I wish you all the best with it, Lisa.

lisa_75

magyar wrote:

Can I just ask - do you have many opportunities to go out as a couple, without the kids, with friends? Perhaps it's FRIENDS he's missing, rather than 'the lads'. I know I miss having friends sometimes.

Not really. We don't often have anyone to babysit. Maybe three times a year. Both sets of grandparents work full time, so value their weekends. We go out seperatly. Him two three times a week, me about once a month. We don't have the same friends.

Dormouse

Oh dear - what a cr*p thing to say to your wife of many years.

At least he's talking to you about it, so I suppose councelling would be ideal for you. I would make damn sure I told him how I felt - after all, it's not just him that has been "tied down" since 16. You're both in the same situation, both didn't have much experience when you settled down, both haven't sown you wild oats. You're the one who's made more sacrifices with your career and education - you're the one who should be having the midlife crisis! Yet you're behaving like a responsible adult and he isn't.

For goodness sake, sowing your oats isn't the be-all-and-end-all. He should really just get a grip.

(But what do I know, I'm a sensible woman )

Good luck with everything *hugs*