Preferred child (as adults)

mildred1978

sparrer wrote: »

You are misunderstanding - if not deliberately you are acting obtuse. I pity you, you sound a very unhappy person. I hope you find your answers, you've had plenty of sensible advice here. Like others I believe the best thing you could do is discuss your concerns re unfairness with your parents.

Fact is, money can cause more unhappiness than it brings.

Another one to file under 'B' for bin then.

I'm too busy for your cryptic clues. Your family tree, your business.

scottishminnie

Soubrette wrote: »

I'm sorry sm - it was never meant to be a comment on you, just that a similar situation to yours had a different outcome, in fact I even added on the end how another similar situation had yet another outcome.

My actual point (in case it wasn't obvious) was that parents make mistakes but that doesn't mean that the less favoured child has to be embittered and jealous as an adult.

ETA - I'll edit my earlier post now to make it clear that she was like you in the situation she found herself, not like you character.

thanks Soubrette.

Soubrette

scottishminnie wrote: »

thanks Soubrette.

I'm glad you're back:j, I was worried I'd ruined your day through hamfisted typing

victory

mildred1978 wrote: »

But you're not jealous, huh?

How does trying to feed your kids when the wages are frozen the gas has gone up 18% and the electricity 12% translate to jealousy?

mildred1978

victory wrote: »

How does trying to feed your kids when the wages are frozen the electricity has gone up 18% and the electricity 12% translate to jealousy?

I was a civil servant who had my pay frozen for 5 years. I've just taken redundancy from a £40k per year job. Do you think I pay less for electricity/food/gas/petrol than anyone else?

If people don't earn much they get tax credits and other handouts. We've always earned too much to get anything, and now just get CB. We've paid our own way through life without handouts. We are net contributors to the economy several times over.

I budget to pay my mortgage, bills and to buy food. I'm not out pushing a gold plated trolley and eating caviar every night!

I won't apologise for being financially comfortable. There was more than 20 years each of blood sweat and tears to get to where we are.

mildred1978

Has electricity gone up 12% or 18%?

victory

Mine says 18% gas and electricity 12%

little_miss_messiah

To the OP - I havent read all the posts in this thread but I believe I may have been in similar circs to yourself - with 3 decimal places less - My mother died when I was 11 and sister 8, my father couldnt work through ill health and we had very little money but still managed to show favouritism to my sister and does until this day.

However - the best advice I can give is to 'Let it go' if you are not careful it will ocnsume your daily thoughts and make you ill - I'm guessing your username is relative to your age - only a little younger than myself. I came to the realisation years ago thay both my father and sister are stuck in their ways and as adults nothing I can say or do will change their behaviour.

I just thank goodness that my Dad is still with us at 80yrs - although in poor health as I know what it means to lose a parent, once you accept your parents for what they are you will be able to see past the monetary issues.

If anything should happen to your parents, you will regret having expending energy and wasting time and negative feelings this way.

HTH?

lostinrates

My much older sister and I are treated differently. BUT, tbh....I don't really mind. Its always been clear to me that she needs regular help. She too has quite a good lifestyle, but her credit card is always an issue. she also suffers from depression to the degree she can't work ....

...I have a happy mind, a good husband and a good life. If I had children they wouldn';t be able to go to the excellent schools my sister's children go to I don't think, but they'd be just as loved. I don't have the same taste at all as either of my parents so I'm glad I don't get things gifted. I don't work (ill health and other reasons) but my DH works very hard to provide a home, and we like it like this. We are independant, happy and reliant only on each other. I know my parents love my sister and I differently....but thats ok too. We are really, very different people.

FBaby

So your mum spends more money on your sister... so what? You say you are well off, so don't need the financial assistance, so why does it matter? Are you judging your mum's love on the basis of the money she spends on both of you? You say that you get to see her more often, 3 times more than your sister as a matter of fact, so aren't you the lucky one to have more one-to-one time and attention from your mother? Or is this not comparable?

I find your attitude quite immature and before you react to this, yes, I know what it is like. My sister is 20 years younger than I, and has the mum I always wished I had for myself. My mum's life has been dedicated to my sister since she was born, making up for the mother she wasn't for me. So what???? Live goes on... I have the relationship I have with my mum, and I certainly don't resent my sister for the way my mum is with her. I have made my own life and don't need her attention or money.

One thing your thread is making me realise is that I will never spoil my kids with money. My partner and I are too doing very well financially, and when my parents pass away, I will get more. I shall make sure not to make this an opportunity to treat my kids in any way if it is to result in them comparing every penny they get.

What I find most sad is your statement that you wished your mum spent the money on herself, yet you don't seem to have turned down the trip she offered you you were not so keen on to start with. Is it how you feel now that you've realised she was spending more money on your sister than you? It's your mum who would have been better being selfish and spending all the money that has come to her on herself.