Preferred child (as adults)

victory

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Pee

I talk to people about wills and sometimes they will say X is really hard working, I am so proud of her, she doesn't need my money. Y is so wayward, she can't handle money at all, I need to leave her something or she will never have a house or build a good life for herself. I'm not saying it's fair, but sometimes the respect you get for being your own person is better than the gifts you get to help you out and help you manage.

victory

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victory

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scottishminnie

Soubrette wrote: »

I went to school with someone like you, her mother doted on her older brother. When as an adult my friend challenged her, she was told that as she was strong and capable and clever, her mum knew she would be ok but her brother has always needed a lot more support and help.

But she's not ok I had to end contact with her in my 30s as she is one of the most toxic people I know - always comparing herself to everyone else and being constantly jealous of other people's success or luck.

I hope she has changed now but her standing in the family has distorted her into someone who because she had to strive for every bit of attention in her family, is constantly looking to 'beat' everyone and expressing it in a negative way. For example, we were out once and saw a woman with lovely long thick hair. Her hair has always been a bugbear for my friend. She turned to me with a really ugly expression on her face and said that she wished she had a pair of scissors as she'd like to chop that woman's hair off.

That was the start of the end for me I sympathise with her situation and I understand why she is what she is, but it is so draining to be with someone like that.

On the other hand, the mentioned in passing daughter of my friend is one of the most independent, resolute and resourceful people I know. The mistakes of the parents do not have to be visited upon their children!

I would hope that I'm open to constructive criticism and welcome people's opinions of me. I can honestly say I've been described as warm, approachable, resourceful, honest and utterly dependable.

I have never, ever been described as "toxic" and whilst I may have my own opinion and feelings about my situation with my mother and sister it is not something I have discussed freely with others. Whilst I'm happy to share my experience with another poster here I do not favour airing my dirty laundry in public. I have no schildren of my own to "inflict" this type of behaviour on and I do not feel I have blighted the lives of anyone else because of it. My post was simply in support of the OP.

mildred1978

victory wrote: »

As for the OP saying we are jealous, we wish we had...

Please show me where I said that.

victory

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sparrer

Chickenopolis wrote: »

This is a "wind up" right?

My thoughts exactly, I've neve come across such an petulant, argumentative, judgemental and self-contradictory adult so it's either a wind up, or I've been extremely lucky in not having met this type before.

FWIW I'm now better off than I have been most of my life, like the OP's Mum through an illness, and if my mature student son needs money (don't they always?) I send him some. I also give my hardworking daughter the same amount whether she needs it or not, I wouldn't dream of treating them differently and they know it.

On the other hand I take my youngest granddaughter on holiday when I can, because her older siblings have grandparents of their own who spend money on them.

I'll keep watching the thread as I'm now curious to find out if this person is for real!

Soubrette

scottishminnie wrote: »

I would hope that I'm open to constructive criticism and welcome people's opinions of me. I can honestly say I've been described as warm, approachable, resourceful, honest and utterly dependable.

I have never, ever been described as "toxic" and whilst I may have my own opinion and feelings about my situation with my mother and sister it is not something I have discussed freely with others. Whilst I'm happy to share my experience with another poster here I do not favour airing my dirty laundry in public. I have no schildren of my own to "inflict" this type of behaviour on and I do not feel I have blighted the lives of anyone else because of it. My post was simply in support of the OP.

I'm sorry sm - it was never meant to be a comment on you, just that a similar situation to yours had a different outcome, in fact I even added on the end how another similar situation had yet another outcome.

My actual point (in case it wasn't obvious) was that parents make mistakes but that doesn't mean that the less favoured child has to be embittered and jealous as an adult.

ETA - I'll edit my earlier post now to make it clear that she was like you in the situation she found herself, not like you character.

mildred1978

victory wrote: »

It has been mentioned in post not you, posts:D

Then don't attribute them to me!