Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

lostinrates

I really don't believe the sex of the person matters much. I think a whole lot of individual things do...emotional state, what they want from sex (i.e. do they want an orgasm and fun with another person or some greater personal affirmation that sex isn't ultimately going to give them about their lovability). Personally, I don't believe I was a ''!!!!!!'' but I was, though I wouldn't have recognised it at the time, not doing my self esteem much good. I don't think having more or fewer sexual partners would have changed all that much in my life though.

I find this turn in conversation somewhat odd to be honest. While I understand its a general not a specific point, discussing it here somehow implies to me that some people on ''both sides of the debate'' feel its a word that could be applied to PTN. I think that is fairly....irrelevant. She has said that there is a little opportunity for sexual expression in the affair and that she is not seeing other people while the encounter goes on. I find it hard to apply the word ''!!!!!!'' here in any context...mistresss/ow or whatever yes. There are also all manners of words I think describe his behaviour. While vestanpance says little I can fully agree with I feel he is right, that here we are talking with (and increasingly about) PTN. No pun intended but she can only really be mistress of herself, governing her own behaviour and decisions. For me the best short term outcome would be to see her move on decisively and be very happy. I would have no ''moral issue'' if he left his wife and they persued their realtionship anew after that point. I'd be happy for PTN. (of course the break down of any relationship is hard, but that would at least be honest and hard, and while his wife and children would have my sympathy I personally don't find it hard to offer it both ways in that situation.)

victory

I haven't been able to follow post by post but I am surprised that the word !!!!!! has been bandied about, in PTN's direction, !!!!!! I would not say she is, I am pretty sure it was never her intention to be in this position, so using that word does not apply, strange how it would, does name calling make us more virtuous?

VestanPance

victory wrote: »

I haven't been able to follow post by post but I am surprised that the word !!!!!! has been bandied about, in PTN's direction, !!!!!! I would not say she is, I am pretty sure it was never her intention to be in this position, so using that word does not apply, strange how it would, does name calling make us more virtuous?

I don't think anyone did call her a !!!!!!. It seemed to come up as a side issue by another poster.

POPPYOSCAR

VestanPance wrote: »

I don't think anyone did call her a !!!!!!. It seemed to come up as a side issue by another poster.

I think in this instance it has, but if I remember correctly I think PTN has been called a !!!!!! or if not, something equally as nasty a while back.Perhaps not directly but along the lines of 'anyone woman who goes with a married man is a !!!!!!' type of thing.

POPPYOSCAR

victory wrote: »

I haven't been able to follow post by post but I am surprised that the word !!!!!! has been bandied about, in PTN's direction, !!!!!! I would not say she is, I am pretty sure it was never her intention to be in this position, so using that word does not apply, strange how it would, does name calling make us more virtuous?

I certainly don't think it does.

bobble_hat

whitewing wrote: »

I think that women who sleep around are worse than men who sleep around, but only because I think it is harder for women to cut the emotion out of it.

I'm so sorry but I couldn't read this and not comment. That is a shocking statement and a huge generalisation.

I am a woman, and I slept around a lot when I was single with single men.

I like sex and I enjoyed every encounter. And I would live my life exactly the same way if I had the chance to do it over again.

Sex is just sex, it's just rubbing something until it feels nice, men and women bring emotion into it if they chose to, and it's a totally individualistic response. Why on earth does that make me worse than a man that sleeps around?

whitewing

Okay, I will refine my comment. The women that I know who have slept around are less nice people to deal with generally than the men that I know who have slept around. There may be women that I know that have had a lot of sexual partners but I, for whatever reason, don't know that.

I also make a distinction between those who are enthusiastic about sex and those who have a lot of encounters with different people.

It's only my opinion though so nothing for anyone to get upset over.

Lunar_Eclipse

Welshwoofs wrote: »

You see the same mentality extend into the subject of this thread; affairs. You see time and time again that the female side of an affair has FAR more vitriol heaped upon them than the male. In fact, in some cases, there almost seems to be a mentality that men are poor, helpless creatures who get sucked in by calculating women who seems to possess the powers of Sirens. What's even more bizarre is that much of this type of rhetoric comes from other women! It's almost as though feminism never happened....

For what it's worth, gender makes no difference to my take on a situation in terms of infidelity.

I know three people who have had affairs in real life; two men and one woman. They all resulted in a breakdown of the original marriage. One of the men is now very happily married to the other woman. I am in touch with two of them; neither really through choice. My relationships are not the same with either of them, but I've probably become a better person in being forced to deal with these infidelities and also have more respect for my own marriage and keeping that happy.

FatVonD

lostinrates wrote: »

I really don't believe the sex of the person matters much. I think a whole lot of individual things do...emotional state, what they want from sex (i.e. do they want an orgasm and fun with another person or some greater personal affirmation that sex isn't ultimately going to give them about their lovability). Personally, I don't believe I was a ''!!!!!!'' but I was, though I wouldn't have recognised it at the time, not doing my self esteem much good. I don't think having more or fewer sexual partners would have changed all that much in my life though.

I think the thing that makes a difference to me is whether the woman is in control or allowing herself to be used (which is then sad rather than a reason for name calling.) I too probably had more than the 'socially acceptable' number of sexual partners in my youth but nobody ever coerced me into anything, I was always very much in control and it was me that did the choosing.

FatVonD

VestanPance wrote: »

Complete load of rubbish. The arguments are normally directed at the poster, which on this board tends to be predominantly female.

A classic case of seeing what you want to see.

I have to agree. I think everyone is in agreement and have posted many, many times that the majority of the blame should be lying at the man's feet in this instance.

Where we all disagree is where some posters believe she should be absolved of all blame.