Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

purpletoenails

Hi all,

I'm probably going to get criticized for what I'm about to write, but as a long time lurker on these forums I know that I can also expect some sensible and honest opinions.

I have been having a relationship with a married man for some time now and I'm starting to get fed up with the situation and wonder if this is all it's ever going to be. How likely is it that a married man would leave his wife for the 'other woman', How do I know if he's serious about me or just toying with me? I know he does love me, but that's not always enough is it?

I am really torn at the moment whether to let things carry on, or to walk away.

PT x

Gillyx

Likelihood of him leaving his wife for you, slim to none. Even if he does could you live your life happily? If he can do it to his wife, would he have qualms about doing it to his girlfriend?

thorsoak

1. The person you are having the affair with is cheating on his wife. If he does it once, he could do it again - remember the old saying "when a man marries his mistress, it leaves a vacancy - for the next mistress".

2. Quite simply, he is cheating, you are cheating. There are all the excuses in the world "he will leave when the children are older/when his wife is better/when they've sorted out finances - just waiting for the right time to tell her" blah, blah blah, blah!

If you have any integrety, you would walk away now.

mithuthecat

Are you in a relationship with anybody? or are you single

emerald_starcat

He's having his cake and eating it at the moment?
Why would he want to give that up?

balletshoes

I got extremely close once, when I was younger and single, to having an affair with a married man. I knew he was married, he said he was unhappy but he wasn't separated from his wife.

We had a kind-of long distance flirtation for a couple of months by phone mainly, after meeting one night when he was holiday in my home town.

The one thing that stopped me was knowing in that relationship I would always play second fiddle, because he was still with his wife. As much as we had a strong physical attraction and could talk for hours etc, he wasn't committed to me, and couldn't ever be while he was still living with his wife. I know I deserve better - every human being deserves better than that.

starsandmoon

There is a good chance his wife will find out and then all hell will break loose. You'l have your man then but stress will probably break you up. Are there children involved? If so they will never accept you and will try to turn him against you then theres the issues over finances etc.

Someone I know got her man (they were both married) he had horrendous debt and his wife tried to kill herself twice and ended up in a secure hospital. In the end his children refused to have anything to do with the "other woman" and made him choose them or her. He chose the kids.

Be strong and get him out of your life. There are plenty of single men out there.

Person_one

If he didn't leave pretty much immediately, he probably won't at all.

Plus, he's proven himself to be categorically untrustworthy, not really a quality you look for in a partner.

Leave him, tell his wife what he's been up to (some might disagree but I think she deserves to know what she's married to) and never look back.

purpletoenails

Thank you for your replies

They are of course things that I have also been thinking of, I guess I just wondered if anyone had any different opinions.

It has been going on for a while, I'm not getting any younger, and neither is he.

I suppose I know what I need to do and I am not without integrity. I certainly do not want to cause unecessary hurt to anyone.

Person_one

purpletoenails wrote: »

Thank you for your replies

They are of course things that I have also been thinking of, I guess I just wondered if anyone had any different opinions.

It has been going on for a while, I'm not getting any younger, and neither is he.

I suppose I know what I need to do and I am not without integrity. I certainly do not want to cause unecessary hurt to anyone.

That doesn't really ring true I'm afraid.

vroombroom

I really want to shout angry things at you for having an affair with a married man because it was a woman like you who ruined my parents' marriage, but hey ho, I dont have the energy to be angry today. (If you had written this yesterday when I'd spoken to tax credits it would have been a different story:cool:)

However....

In my experience he will never leave her and will come up with a 1000 reasons as to why he can't do it - his brithday, her parents' anniversary etc etc

And no, I've never been the other woman but one of my closest friends has - it ended in tears - and another friend is the 'other man' at the moment and he has gone from being the life and soul of the party to looking thin and constantly stressed.

Cut your losses cos he won't leave, and find a nice decent (single) guy.