Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Person_one

2 and a half years?

You're his hobby, I'm afraid.

PerfectParadox

purpletoenails wrote: »

Thank you for all your replies

I fully understand what everyone is saying and value all your opinions.

I have been seeing him for 2 and 1/2 years but is is usually only every 2 to 3 weeks as he lives 2 hours from me. For the first 18 months we did not sleep together, but just spent time together, talked, laughed a lot, there was a lot of affection there, kisses and cuddles, but nothing more than that. In the last year we have been in bed together only 6 times. The relationship is not driven by sex - in a way it would be easier to walk away if it was.

I am just trying to sort my head out and decide what to do!

ask him what he would do if she found out. not as a threat, as curiosity. Ask him how he would feel if it were the other way around. talk to him about it. be aware he might say what he thinks u want to hear.
maybe have a break from him? get your head around it all without him popping up and melting ure resolve.
gd luck

vroombroom

BugglyB wrote: »

Ah 'love'

Sorry, vroombroom, it wasn't a woman that ruined your parents marriage, it was your dad (or mum if it was a same sex affair) who broke that bond. As I say above I have no truck with this idea that 'she blinded him away' and he had no choice in the matter.

Actually it was the woman who ruined it and yes my father for getting involved. He broke it off but then she was a woman scorned - harrassing my father at work to the point he almost got sacked (he is high up), following my mum to and from work shouting abuse, trying to have me arrested for assault (I was 17 and working abroad at the time;)), scratching my mums car etc etc - this went on for the best part of a year until my mum almost got sectioned due to the stress of it all.

I've never forgiven my father for that and have had little or no contact since.

My ex also cheated on me, I came home early from work and there was the strumpet sat watching Home & Away on my sofa. I walked out with my dogs and never went back.

So, OP, think about the kids involved. I was a similar age and it isnt something they will just get over. You risk more than upsetting the wife.

clearingout

starsandmoon wrote: »

Someone I know got her man (they were both married) he had horrendous debt and his wife tried to kill herself twice and ended up in a secure hospital. In the end his children refused to have anything to do with the "other woman" and made him choose them or her. He chose the kids

Well, my ex, after some procrastination, chose the girlfriend.

What kind of woman would want to be with a man who is prepared to abandon his children? *Shakes head*. I would say 'his loss' and shrug my shoulders. Sadly, the only people who are suffering are our children.

GlynD

clearingout wrote: »

Well, my ex, after some procrastination, chose the girlfriend.

What kind of woman would want to be with a man who is prepared to abandon his children? *Shakes head*. I would say 'his loss' and shrug my shoulders. Sadly, the only people who are suffering are our children.

You make a very good point.

purpletoenails

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

1. Your relationship with this man is going nowhere. Probably

2. Dump him and find your own man because he's someone else's. I'm not worried about finding someone else, I was perfectly content before I met him, I'm not just seeing him because I need a man

3. Work on your self-esteem and self-worth, because anyone prepared to carry on with a married man is seriously deluded and needs some help in this regard

My self-esteem and self-worth were fine, however this situation is damaging them


not quite got the hang of this quoting I dont think

POPPYOSCAR

What has he said about leaving?

Surely you have discussed this with him at some point?

peachyprice

purpletoenails wrote: »

.

I have been seeing him for 2 and 1/2 years but is is usually only every 2 to 3 weeks as he lives 2 hours from me.

TBH, this makes it even more unlikely he's ever going to leave his family for you.

It's all so convenient for him, you're nowhere near his home town so there's little chance he'll get seen by someone he or his wife knows, and he's only having to make an effort every 2/3 weeks and knows he won't have to see you in the meantime.

Do these 2/3 week visits fit conveniently into his life too in that he has a ready made excuse for them?

VfM4meplse

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

anyone prepared to carry on with a married man is seriously deluded

Ok, let's have a bit of sympathy with the OP. The reality is that it's easy to fall for a man that seems sincere, kind, attentive and makes himself available. It's not so easy to see the truth when you are in that situation.

clearingout

purpletoenails wrote: »

My self-esteem and self-worth were fine, however this situation is damaging them

I beg to differ. I don't think your self esteem is fine at all. You are involved with a married man, you accept being second best and have done for quite some time. You have been lied to - again and again and again. You tell yourself that's part and parcel of having an affair but I would say it's part and parcel of not valuing yourself enough to get out and find someone who is prepared to be with you and you alone.

You don't want to hurt his wife? Not prepared to tell her yourself because you don't want to hurt her but are 'happy' (?) to have him leave her? Do you think she'll be happy about that? Do you think she'll just shrug her shoulders and say 'oh well, didn't like him that much anyway?' Being betrayed in this way is about as bad as it gets - I struggle to imagine there will ever be a time in my life when anything hurts as much as it did putting all those pieces together and realising what they meant. Losing someone you love to another person is literally having the rug pulled out from under you - only the ground isn't there to stop you fallling, you just keep going down and down and down. It stops, eventually, but not before your life as you know it has been obliterated before your very eyes. Imagine all of that then imagine that you are powerless to stop it - like watching a TV show but having no off button. Your life becomes a real live episode of Jeremy Kyle and everything you ever wanted and worked for disappears.

I have worked hard on myself to not become embittered and to find the strength to 'move on'. My ex and the girlfriend have a lovely life - if appearances are anything to go by - whilst I am left with the million pieces they shattered mine and our children's lives into. If you had any self esteem or self worth, you would walk way and find something better. Because people who do this - who make vows with people, build lives, have children, make homes and then stick two fingers up at it by sleeping with someone else - think nothing at all of screwing over anyone who gets in their way. You are no different. You are simply a means to an end.