Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

purpletoenails

I am quite sure he would never leave while his children were still at home as his own parents divorced when he was a teenager and I know this affected him badly at the time.

I have never put any pressure on him to leave his wife, or even asked him if he is going to. I do know that things aren't always rosy for him at home, but I try to keep my thoughts to myself. I have my life and he has his, and at this point in my daughters life I would not want to do anything to disrupt her education, I want to keep things stable here until she starts University in 2 years time.

balletshoes

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Ok, let's have a bit of sympathy with the OP. The reality is that it's easy to fall for a man that seems sincere, kind, attentive and makes himself available. It's not so easy to see the truth when you are in that situation.

But then when you find out the truth? how sincere does that make him seem if he's lied at the start about his marital status? And if you know at the start of the relationship that he's married, you can stop yourself falling for an unobtainable partner, yes?

purpletoenails

peachyprice wrote: »

TBH, this makes it even more unlikely he's ever going to leave his family for you.

It's all so convenient for him, you're nowhere near his home town so there's little chance he'll get seen by someone he or his wife knows, and he's only having to make an effort every 2/3 weeks and knows he won't have to see you in the meantime.

Do these 2/3 week visits fit conveniently into his life too in that he has a ready made excuse for them?

Where we meet is much nearer to where he lives than to where I do, usually within a few miles of where he works, so it is much riskier for him than it is for me. He uses his annual leave to take days or half days off, at times when it is convenient to us both.

plumpmouse

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Ok, let's have a bit of sympathy with the OP. The reality is that it's easy to fall for a man that seems sincere, kind, attentive and makes himself available. It's not so easy to see the truth when you are in that situation.

IMO the only person who deserves sympathy are the wife and kids. Affairs only cause hurt and pain. They mess children's lives up forever and it never leaves them.

It may be easy to fall for someone but that certainly doesn't make it excusable!

OP I can't believe after 2 1/2 years you could even seriously think he is going to leave his wife. He's had the best of both worlds for that long, why change it now??

I also could never trust a man who had had an affair particularly not such a long and emotional affair! Chances are he will do it again.

I'd end it now and move on.

VfM4meplse

purpletoenails wrote: »

I am quite sure he would never leave while his children were still at home as his own parents divorced when he was a teenager and I know this affected him badly at the time.

I have never put any pressure on him to leave his wife, or even asked him if he is going to. I do know that things aren't always rosy for him at home, but I try to keep my thoughts to myself. I have my life and he has his, and at this point in my daughters life I would not want to do anything to disrupt her education, I want to keep things stable here until she starts University in 2 years time.

The best thing you can do is bite the bullet and leave him. Hard I know but if you throw yourself into a social life you needn't feel lonely. In fact you'll find single men crawling out of the woodwork, men that you just hadn't noticed before as ironically you were faithful to your married lover!

mithuthecat

I have a very close friend who is in a similar situation he is married with no children,she is in a relationship with someone,but when you see them together you can see that they really do both love each other,I have even said to my friend that one day you will have a ultimation the wife or your girlfriend,he has said he would leave his wife for her,yes its all wrong but he has said,we only live once and this is not a rehersal,yes i agree that even a person who is married can fall in love with somebody else,and its life and it happens every day

plumpmouse

purpletoenails wrote: »

I am quite sure he would never leave while his children were still at home as his own parents divorced when he was a teenager and I know this affected him badly at the time.

I have never put any pressure on him to leave his wife, or even asked him if he is going to. I do know that things aren't always rosy for him at home, but I try to keep my thoughts to myself. I have my life and he has his, and at this point in my daughters life I would not want to do anything to disrupt her education, I want to keep things stable here until she starts University in 2 years time.

I think regardless of when (if) he leaves his children's lives will be destroyed. I'm 30 and would be devastated if my Dad acted like this. Do you really want to be the cause of this?

Things aren't rosy all the time at home. Poor bloke!!!! Unfortunately that is life not an excuse. The grass is always greener until you get there. I can guarantee if he left and moved in with you his life probably still wouldn't be rosy all the time. But hey guess what he could start another affair and then all would be ok!

Sorry if I sound really harsh but I think from reading your messages you know what you are doing is so very wrong. Just hope you find the decency to end it!

clearingout

fall in love with another person, yes. But respect the person you are with (and the new person) by ending that relationship before moving on.

Pee

I was in a relationship with a man who was physically separated from his wife, but not mentally or legally.

It came at a time in my life where I wasn't ready for a commited relationship, having been very hurt and let down, and he was also feeling very let down by his wife.

I knew that the relationship was never going to come to anything. He was a good bit older than me, we didn't have that much in common, I was rebuilding my confidence and dating a lot of other men, which he knew about, but we did fall in love.

It had a happy ending in that his wife came back to him and I am with a lovely man.

I sometimes used to imagine a happy ending and he did try to talk seriously to me about marriage, so he had the romantic dream, too, but the happy ending was only going to come after we split up.

It did feel at the time like my heart was breaking, and that made me very happy because I never thought I would allow myself to feel like that again.

plumpmouse

clearingout wrote: »

fall in love with another person, yes. But respect the person you are with (and the new person) by ending that relationship before moving on.

Well said!:T:T