Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

puddles

My Mum was seeing my Step-dad whilst still married to my Dad. She ended up leaving my Dad and he found someone more suited to him. They are both much happier now and my Mum is still with my Step-dad. So sometimes it can work.

GlynD

puddles wrote: »

My Mum was seeing my Step-dad whilst still married to my Dad. She ended up leaving my Dad and he found someone more suited to him. They are both much happier now and my Mum is still with my Step-dad. So sometimes it can work.

Yes it can, no denying that, but people get hurt as a result of affairs.

candygirl

purpletoenails wrote: »

I'm not hoping anything, I didn't say the sex wasn't thrilling, and I'm completely certain there's no one else. I was simply asking for some opinions because I am trying to decide in my own mind what to do for the best.

purpletoenails wrote: »

Hi all,

.

I have been having a relationship with a married man for some time now and I'm starting to get fed up with the situation and wonder if this is al ever going to be. How likely is it that a married man would leave his wife for the 'other woman', How do I know if he's serious about me or just toying with me? I know he does love me, but that's not always enough is it?

x

This is what I read, so could only respond to this:D

purpletoenails

shellsuit wrote: »

I wouldn't want to be with a man who was sleeping with somebody else, which he will be, his wife! They have seperate rooms, but yes I'm sure they do sleep together occasionally

The times you do have sex, is he using something? I hope to God he is for his wife's sake. Yes of course he is, but if you're insinuating that he's at risk of passing some disease on that he's caught from me, then you're wrong

How can you be so sure he doesn't have someone else on the go as well as you? If his wife doesn't know about you, what makes you so sure he's not doing the same to you? Because he barely has time to see me, and ironically, I trust him

As for 'I know he loves me'. No, you don't. Yes, I do

If he truly loved you, he would end it with his wife and be with you wouldn't he?

not necessarily, there are several reason's he could be staying put

puddles

GlynD wrote: »

Yes it can, no denying that, but people get hurt as a result of affairs.

Indeed, but sometimes short term hurt leads to long term happiness, which is better than sustained apathy and discontent.

purpletoenails wrote:

not necessarily, there are several reason's he could be staying put

Indeed, my Mum didn't leave until one of his sons had finished his exams as she knew he's need a level head to get through them where as his other son and me would cope with the separations a lot better.

shellsuit

They have seperate rooms, but yes I'm sure they do sleep together occasionally And you know this how? Because he has told you? And you believe him?

. Yes of course he is, but if you're insinuating that he's at risk of passing some disease on that he's caught from me, then you're wrong I'm not insinuating anything, I just wondered if you were practising safe sex. Like it's been said before, he could be having sex elsewhere also.

Because he barely has time to see me, and ironically, I trust him How does he barely have time to see you? If he really wanted to see you, he would make time. Have you ever thought that he only wants to see you now and again and not all the time anyway?

Yes, I do How do you know he loves you? Because he says so?

not necessarily, there are several reason's he could be staying put Like he is having his cake and eating it? Because he has a good life and you're just a bit on the side?

purpletoenails

shellsuit wrote: »

They have seperate rooms, but yes I'm sure they do sleep together occasionally And you know this how? Because he has told you? And you believe him? Because I knew him well as a friend before all this happened, and it has been the case for several years, i've no reason to believe anythings changed now

. Yes of course he is, but if you're insinuating that he's at risk of passing some disease on that he's caught from me, then you're wrong I'm not insinuating anything, I just wondered if you were practising safe sex. Like it's been said before, he could be having sex elsewhere also. He's not

Because he barely has time to see me, and ironically, I trust him How does he barely have time to see you? If he really wanted to see you, he would make time. Have you ever thought that he only wants to see you now and again and not all the time anyway? He does make time,but living 2 hours away he can't just pop in when he feels like it

Yes, I do How do you know he loves you? Because he says so? yes

not necessarily, there are several reason's he could be staying put Like he is having his cake and eating it? Because he has a good life and you're just a bit on the side? children, finances, work, a sense of duty

I have no doubt in my mind that he loves me shellsuit, none at all, I am simply trying to work out whether I can continue this relationship as it is.

flutterby_lil

I feel sorry for your affairs wife. What goes around comes around though, I strongly believe in that.

I was in a relationship for nearly 10 years, was constantly cheated on, I finally plucked up the courage to leave, but only when I had met somebody else. I did have a very brief (one month) affair with the new man and left my long term relationship very soon after meeting new man. However, new man cheated on me - my own fault for cheating on ex! Two wrongs don't make a right. New man went back to mother of his first child and left me pregnant!! They only lasted a few weeks and he wanted me back.........did I go back?!?! Nope, he cheated once so could do it again. I never wanted him back.

Moral of my little story is what goes around comes around and he will never leave his wife - he probably thinks you are just having a bit of fun and not serious anyway if you have not asked him about leaving her.

Fire_Fox

purpletoenails wrote: »

They have seperate rooms, but yes I'm sure they do sleep together occasionally

The times you do have sex, is he using something? I hope to God he is for his wife's sake. Yes of course he is, but if you're insinuating that he's at risk of passing some disease on that he's caught from me, then you're wrong

How can you be so sure he doesn't have someone else on the go as well as you? If his wife doesn't know about you, what makes you so sure he's not doing the same to you? Because he barely has time to see me, and ironically, I trust him

As for 'I know he loves me'. No, you don't. Yes, I do

If he truly loved you, he would end it with his wife and be with you wouldn't he?
not necessarily, there are several reason's he could be staying put

You don't know they have separate rooms unless you've spoken to his wife or been to the house. You already know he finds it easy to lie. You don't know he doesn't have more free time to see you or someone else than he is letting on. You already know he finds it easy to lie. You don't know he loves you, you already know he finds it easy to lie.

The question about protection is a health one not a moral one. Unless all three of you were virgins when you met and none have never slept with anyone else. If that were the case, why use a barrier method? Perhaps because he doesn't trust you to get pregnant 'accidentally'? Perhaps because he doesn't want you to be the mother of his children? Many cases of STDs are asymptomatic - HIV carrier status being one example - and not all are transmitted only by penetrative sex. Women can become infertile from pelvic inflammatory disease without any obvious symptoms.

Reasons and excuses are not one and the same thing, tho the terms are often used interchangeably. Just because you trust him doesn't change the fact that he has proven himself untrustworthy. But you were hoping for someone to tell you Cinderella really shall go to the ball, when they didn't you started defending him to yourself.

clearingout

There is no doubt in your mind that he loves you? My ex said he loved me everyday! No doubt in my mind that he meant what he was saying. Didn't stop him having an affair and an account on an 'adult' website, did it?!