Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

clearingout

Oh and the separate room thing? I have no doubt in my mind that my ex told the girlfriend he and I no longer slept together. Let's just say it came as a terrible shock to her that I was pregnant when he left me. You'd have thought it was me who had been sleeping with her husband the fuss she made about it and the lengths the pair of them went to to discredit me (including telling people I had raped him). Do not kid yourself that people who have affairs are moral people caught up in unhappy relationships. If he'd left his wife soon after meeting you, perhaps. But two years later? No way!

lostinrates

purpletoenails wrote: »

I'm completely certain there's no one else. .

There is someone else! His wife. (however disfunctional their relationship might be) There might also be children, who are part of the family if not ''someone else'' in the same way as a relationship. He risks hurting these people profoundly in a way that could impact on their future relationships with others and their parents forever. Its not sucha a lovable trait really, betrayal!

shellsuit

purpletoenails wrote: »

I have no doubt in my mind that he loves me shellsuit, none at all, I am simply trying to work out whether I can continue this relationship as it is.

So you were friends before the affair and have been in the marital home in the past and seen the set up?

With regards to him telling him he loves you, anyone can say 'I love you', just like anyone can say 'sorry', it doesn't mean they truly mean it though.



Can I just ask one last thing. What would you do, if you found out he had been seeing someone else, apart from you (and his wife of
course), and had been for 2 years?? It's a serious question by the way.

candygirl

shellsuit wrote: »

So you were friends before the affair and have been in the marital home in the past and seen the set up?

With regards to him telling him he loves you, anyone can say 'I love you', just like anyone can say 'sorry', it doesn't mean they truly mean it though.



Can I just ask one last thing. What would you do, if you found out he had been seeing someone else, apart from you (and his wife of
course), and had been for 2 years?? It's a serious question by the way.

That's what I was thinking Shell.Great minds and all that;):D

SaLoGo

If he can lie to his wife, then he can quite easily lie to you! My opinion is that this "relationship" will go nowhere and if you had an ounce of self respect you would end it now.

Tish_P

I suppose sometimes, maybe, if finding someone new gives someone the courage to break up a failed relationship, theoretically, blah blah, an affair could have a happy ending. But "Can an affair ever have a happy ending?" isn't the important question here. It's "will this one, and when?"

I reckon what you need to do is ensure that it has an ending, soon, and if that's a happy one, so much the better. If not, well, at least you'll be free. Otherwise you're wasting your time being faithful to, and honest about, a man who is not returning the favour.

purpletoenails

Fire_Fox wrote: »

If that were the case, why use a barrier method? Perhaps because he doesn't trust you to get pregnant 'accidentally'? Perhaps because he doesn't want you to be the mother of his children?

Because at the ages of 42 and 50 neither of us want any more children, simple as that

Jesswithwings

I don't honestly think there can be such a thing as a "happy ending" when you're talking about an affair. Someone is going to get hurt, either you're going to get hurt because he's never going to leave his wife (which after 2 1/2 years of having his cake and eating it, - lets face it, he's staying put) or he leaves his wife for you and she's hurt. So in short, there can be no happy ending. Not for everyone.

and do you honestly believe that they have different rooms?!!! Geez, he's got you on a wire this one.

bagginslover

He may well love you, he may also love his as well, all we ever have is the other persons word for it, in affars and normal relationships.

I cannot judge you, as I have been the other woman too. He was a colleague at a previous job, and didn't tell me in the beginning that he was in a long term relationship. I fell for him hard, very quickly, and when he told me he was already in a relationship, I didn't care. Looking back I can't beleive how stupid I was to feel that way, but I suppose I was blinded by...something (I don't like to call it love). It still took me 3 years to break it off with him, him getting engaged made me realise that he was never going to leave her. We are still good friends, but there is a very definite line these days. She never found out, and to be honest I wouldn't tell her even if she asked me, yes he cheated, and yes she should know, but I think me telling her would hurt her so much more (it would be like me rubbing her nose in it, gloating).

So, as you can see, I know where you are coming from, and how you feel. I felt so much better once I was free of my affair, and I think you will be too. End it now,and don't look back.

purpletoenails

shellsuit wrote: »

So you were friends before the affair and have been in the marital home in the past and seen the set up? No I haven't been in the marital home

With regards to him telling him he loves you, anyone can say 'I love you', just like anyone can say 'sorry', it doesn't mean they truly mean it though. thats true, but I believe he does



Can I just ask one last thing. What would you do, if you found out he had been seeing someone else, apart from you (and his wife of
course), and had been for 2 years?? It's a serious question by the way. He's not, but if he had been, he'd never see me again

I'm happy to answer your questions shellsuit if you have anymore