Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

plumpmouse

"Because he barely has time to see me, and ironically, I trust him How does he barely have time to see you?If he really wanted to see you, he would make time. Have you ever thought that he only wants to see you now and again and not all the time anyway? He does make time,but living 2 hours away he can't just pop in when he feels like it"



And yet when you do see each other it is near his work so does not involve him commuting 2 hours to see you!!

The really sad thing is his wife is probably sat at home saying "yes I know he loves me" and "no he doesn't have time to see another woman"

You're just kidding yourself OP but understandably really as he sounds like a real catch!!

findingmyownway

It sounds like a mess.

What do YOU want out of this OP? You say you're not happy with the 2/3 times a month visits? So what do you want? Him to leave his wife, live with you and be happy ever after? Do you think you could trust him not to do the same to you?

I have seen all sides of this: My ex cheated on me, I had an affair with a man who was engaged (and went to his wedding). My parents divorced (it wasn't the end of the world). I am proud to say I have never cheated on a boyfriend and never intend to. A friend of mine is soon to marry a guy who left his second wife for her... it has disaster written all over it but she won't listen.

There is no 'happy ending' in any scenario... someone, or many people, WILL get hurt if they aren't already.

SaLoGo

purpletoenails wrote: »

He's not, but if he had been, he'd never see me again

Double standards. It's ok for you to have an affair, as long as you're not on the 'wronged' side of it.

Maybe that's what it would take to make you see that what you are doing is very wrong.

thorsoak

Does your daughter know about him? Does she know that he is married? If the answer is "no" to both these questions, how would you feel about her finding out?

In the future, Would you be happy if she were (a) in your position or (b) in the position of your lover's wife? Or his daughter?

joanne0620

I agree with all the other posters, you need to be the bigger person and just walk away from this now before it gets even messier.

This will continue as long as you allow yourself to be led on by this man.

This is a very polite version of what I would normally say when talking about extra marital affairs as my Dad had one when I was 13 years old and it ripped our family to bits.

Do the decent thing.

purpletoenails

plumpmouse wrote: »

"Because he barely has time to see me, and ironically, I trust him How does he barely have time to see you?If he really wanted to see you, he would make time. Have you ever thought that he only wants to see you now and again and not all the time anyway? He does make time,but living 2 hours away he can't just pop in when he feels like it"



And yet when you do see each other it is near his work so does not involve him commuting 2 hours to see you!!

The really sad thing is his wife is probably sat at home saying "yes I know he loves me" and "no he doesn't have time to see another woman"

You're just kidding yourself OP but understandably really as he sounds like a real catch!!

No, he can't just pop round to see me when he feels like it. About 30% of the time he will come down here, the rest of the time I will go up there. I prefer to go to where he is, I live in a 1 horse town with !!!!!! all to do.

shellsuit

No I haven't been in the marital home Then how do you know the set up exists if you haven't seen it with your own eyes or his wife hasn't confirmed it? You only have his say so that they have seperate rooms and I'm sure that's a line a LOT of married men use to their mistress

With regards to him telling him he loves you, anyone can say 'I love you', just like anyone can say 'sorry', it doesn't mean they truly mean it though. thats true, but I believe he does I believe when my husband tells me, but telling me isn't enough, he has to show me he loves me too.



Can I just ask one last thing. What would you do, if you found out he had been seeing someone else, apart from you (and his wife of
course), and had been for 2 years?? It's a serious question by the way. He's not, but if he had been, he'd never see me again How do you know he's not?! His wife would probably say exactly the same wouldn't she, yet he is cheating on her.



I really think you are being naive about the whole thing and I believe it's all going to end in a LOT of tears.

Jackie47

candygirl wrote: »

You are wasting your life, and accepting the crumbs of a relationship in the hope that he will chose you.If you only see each other one every few weeks, and don't have a thrilling sex life, what's the point anyway?It wouldn't surprise me if you're not the only "mistress."

I was in a relationship about 12 years ago with a man who although not married, had a long term partner. He lived a way away so we only used to get together once every 6 or so weeks. He rang me one night and left a message because I was at work to tell me that he'd left his ex, by this stage we'd been "seeing" each other a couple of years. I rang him a couple of hours later to find out what was happening to be told that he was going up north to live with some woman that he'd known for years!!!!....moral of the tale, yes it happens! Did I ever feel the idiot!

Jackie

Errata

purpletoenails wrote: »

I'm not hoping anything, I didn't say the sex wasn't thrilling, and I'm completely certain there's no one else. I was simply asking for some opinions because I am trying to decide in my own mind what to do for the best.

I expect that's what his wife and kids think too.

Clear off out of his life or accept that you're a second class woman playing second fiddle at his convenience because he can't keep either his mouth or his pants zipped. That's not a good role model for your kids.

purpletoenails

SaLoGo wrote: »

Double standards. It's ok for you to have an affair, as long as you're not on the 'wronged' side of it.

Maybe that's what it would take to make you see that what you are doing is very wrong.

I'm single, I'm not technically cheating on anyone