Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

purpletoenails

Person_one wrote: »

You're a woman who doesn't mind being part of a situation that will cause huge amounts of pain and grief to another woman and her children.

You might not like the expression 'second class', but you and this man certainly don't have any other type of class.

Seriously, sisterhood, where did it go?

I am not out every weekend pulling married men and bringing them home to have my wicked way with them just because I feel like it, with total disregard as to whether or not anybody gets hurt. In fact I did not even intentionally set out to fall in love with a married man. But it's happened, it's been going on a while, and now I am trying to decide what to do for the best. If I walk away now, the only people that will be hurt are him and I. Btw, it does not make either of us 'second class'

Lunar_Eclipse

The general consensus is that your boyfriend is highly unlikely to leave his wife (& will you have any respect for him if he does?) and that sadly, there is no happy ending in this situation for you.

You might be completely and utterly in love with this person, he is a good (best?) friend and no doubt you can't imagine life without him. Ironically, your life is likely to be much happier without him!

Personally, I think you are well aware that you only have one option. So given that today is the first day of the rest of your life, why not bite the bullet right now? You don't need him and can't have him, since he currently belongs to someone else. What an utterly disgraceful way he is treating his wife and children; I hope you can see and agree with that.

Lady_strange

I think after 2 and a half years it is unlikely he will leave his wife.

My partner was married when we met, he knew he had feelings for me, that were returned, and so told his wife he was leaving. They have a son together, and he chose to come and live with us, rather than his mum.

Guess it depends on the situations, sometimes marrige breakdowns are for the best, as I know my stepson likes life now, as his dad is happy.

System

I actually hope he does leave his wife, she deserves better...

Person_one

purpletoenails wrote: »

I am not out every weekend pulling married men and bringing them home to have my wicked way with them just because I feel like it, with total disregard as to whether or not anybody gets hurt. In fact I did not even intentionally set out to fall in love with a married man. But it's happened, it's been going on a while, and now I am trying to decide what to do for the best. If I walk away now, the only people that will be hurt are him and I. Btw, it does not make either of us 'second class'

You hope.

This is another old trick, "I'm not as bad as X, Y and Z therefore I'm not a bad person."

I don't understand this idea that you have no control over you fall in love with. Unless you are lied to then yes you do, and once you find out the truth you have the option to leave even if it is painful at first its still the right thing to do. People leave relationships every day when they realise they're aren't right.

purpletoenails

Person_one wrote: »

This is another old trick, "I'm not as bad as X, Y and Z therefore I'm not a bad person."

You may not approve of what I'm doing, but that does not make me a BAD person

euronorris

purpletoenails wrote: »

I honestly would not want her to be in any of those positions, I certainly didn't ever intend to find myself in the position that I am currently in, but I am, and now I'm trying to decide what to do.

Don't kid yourself here. You knew he was married, and you still got involved with him.

You made concsious decisions about starting this relationship, so it didn't 'just happen' to you.

I really do think that you have self esteem issues you need to address. If you didn't, you would've never let this happen, would you? By your own admission, it is not something you wanted to happen. So ask yourself, why did you do it?

Person_one

purpletoenails wrote: »

You may not approve of what I'm doing, but that does not make me a BAD person

You are however doing a BAD thing, right now you are not being a good person.

(This applies doubly so to the married man you are sleeping with of course.)

Errata

purpletoenails wrote: »

I'm not a second class woman though you're correct that I am playing second fiddle at the moment!

What you think you are and what you actually are is two entirely different things. What you are doing is stealing; stealing time, emotions, conversation and all the rest of it that belongs to another woman. So if you don't like 'second class' try 'thief'.

It seems very strange that you know so much about someone else's marriage 'things aren't always rosy' 'they have separate rooms' etc. Got all that from the wife, did you? Thought not. So that makes the husband the guilty party. But not as guilty as you for happily being privy to the most intimate areas of another woman's marriage without her knowledge.

DuckEggGingham

He is not going anywhere. If he truly loved you nothing would stand in his selfish way. 2 and 1/2 years of meeting up a couple of times of month if that is not an all consuming passionate connection. And I do not mean sex. He and his wife have a history, they have memories, they have a life. She HAS him (poor woman) you have his left over spare time because you better believe you do not get ALL his spare time, that mainly goes to his family. Where his life is.

If he really wanted you 24/7, if he really wanted a life with you, he would be with you now. Its 2 years later. The person you care for is a liar, that much you do know. He kisses his wife everyday with the very lips he lies to her with. So don't be so sure as suggested above that you are the only "mistress" he has had/has. He lies. You will only ever know what he wants you to know. He gives you an illusion. The poor wife gets the whole deal with a bit of illusion thrown in. You never know she may be use to his "antics" and it could suit her in some way but its never mentioned at home. Could suit them both.

As for this "sisterhood" stuff about how we should stick together as women and its ALL the man at fault, I call BS on that! You are hardly doing your sisterhood bit towards his wife. I would have every sympathy for you if you had no idea he was married but you DO Know, when you chose to lay down with this man you lost your integrity as well as your underwear! But he still respected you in the morning because he popped round again a month later

He is going nowhere. Because despite what he tells you...his wife DOES understand him. 2 years should really give you a clue to that.