Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Person_one

skylight wrote: »

My Dad left my Mum for SM almost 20yrs ago and they are still happily married. He left 2 teenagers with Mum. Mum was a bit psychotic though and I think that helped him make a decision. (SM left her hubby at the same time, but no kids).

But its rare. In fact of all the "affairs" I have known about (friends/office workers etc) he is the ONLY man to have left his family for another woman. If just doesn't happen. What does happen a lot (that I have seen) is the wife finds out and kicks him out. He then chooses not to go off with the mistress.......

I know a few men who left their wives for somebody else, but it was never after a long drawn out affair it was always very quickly.

Plans_all_plans

1. Your relationship with this man is going nowhere.

2. Dump him and find your own man because he's someone else's.

3. Work on your self-esteem and self-worth, because anyone prepared to carry on with a married man is seriously deluded and needs some help in this regard

BugglyB

Person_one wrote: »

I agree that the man here shoulders most of the responsibility and that the idea of them being 'led astray' or 'tempted too far' is ridiculous. However the OP is still responsible too, she could say no just as easily as he could and she knows that their combined actions are causing harm. Whatever happened to the sisterhood?

Yes, and its not a relationship I'd choose for that reason.

However if my partner had an affair I would blame him. He's the one that told me he'd never cheat on me. He's the one who said he'd be there forever. Even if she knew about me, she doesn't owe me anything, he bloody does though!

Nothing worse than seeing two women fighting over one man - have some self respect ladies!

GlynD

Someone always gets hurt in situations like this. Marriages do break up however and it's up to you if you can live with yourself for causing the breakup of this man's. Never mind that it may have happened with someone else because the marriage was tired and he wanted out anyway, you are now involved and that means it's you who will cause the hurt or get hurt.

ajaney

Havent read all the replies but a guy my partner works with left his wife & kids for a woman he'd had an affair with. After a couple of years, the woman left him because she said the excitement had gone & he wasn't the generous/romantic man he was when they were having the affair.

To ask the question suggests you have doubts.

sashadesade

Echoing those who say if he hasn't left her yet, he isn't going to. Unless she finds out about it and boots him out of course, then he might come crying to you because he has nowhere else to go.

balletshoes

BugglyB wrote: »

Yes, and its not a relationship I'd choose for that reason.

However if my partner had an affair I would blame him. He's the one that told me he'd never cheat on me. He's the one who said he'd be there forever. Even if she knew about me, she doesn't owe me anything, he bloody does though!

Nothing worse than seeing two women fighting over one man - have some self respect ladies!

Absolutely, couldn't have said it better myself :T. And OP, seriously, on that vein, the married man you're seeing owes his wife his loyalty and commitment, if he can give that up so easily to continue his affair with you, why would you think he'll change that part of his personality when or if you have him exclusively to yourself?

Plans_all_plans

ajaney wrote: »

Havent read all the replies but a guy my partner works with left his wife & kids for a woman he'd had an affair with. After a couple of years, the woman left him because she said the excitement had gone & he wasn't the generous/romantic man he was when they were having the affair.

To ask the question suggests you have doubts.

Bet his ex-wife was in stitches when she heard that!

purpletoenails

Thank you for all your replies

I fully understand what everyone is saying and value all your opinions.

I have been seeing him for 2 and 1/2 years but is is usually only every 2 to 3 weeks as he lives 2 hours from me. For the first 18 months we did not sleep together, but just spent time together, talked, laughed a lot, there was a lot of affection there, kisses and cuddles, but nothing more than that. In the last year we have been in bed together only 6 times. The relationship is not driven by sex - in a way it would be easier to walk away if it was.

I am just trying to sort my head out and decide what to do!

Jesswithwings

GlynD wrote: »

Someone always gets hurt in situations like this. Marriages do break up however and it's up to you if you can live with yourself for causing the breakup of this man's. Never mind that it may have happened with someone else because the marriage was tired and he wanted out anyway, you are now involved and that means it's you who will cause the hurt or get hurt.

:T
My best friend's husband has just left her after 12 years, leaving her financially up the creek without a paddle and with 2 very small children who are too young to understand why daddy is gone and why mummy is crying all the time, so you never know your luck.