Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

purpletoenails

northerner77 wrote: »

I was being ironic, losing patience with the geezer's behaviour even though I've never met him and it's none of my business. Glad I'm not your brother, PTN.

Sorry, I thought you were being sarcastic

northerner77

purpletoenails wrote: »

Sorry, I thought you were being sarcastic

Nah, unlike your bloke I could never be that mean to you. :-)

Pollycat

purpletoenails wrote: »

Okay here is my update. I tried to post one earlier but by the time I’d finished I’d been logged out so I’ll try and type quicker this time.

We met yesterday, I was excited to be seeing him, but obviously nervous of the conversation we would be having. We talked about our relationship and how it was going, and I told him that although he made me happy, I was not happy with the situation in general and that it wasn’t fair to anyone. He said he could not imagine a future without me but at present, with circumstances as they are, he could not make me any immediate promises. I felt his reasons were genuine and understandable and not just excuses. So based on that we decided (and this was a wrench for us both) that the relationship could not continue as it had been. That is not to say that we can not pick it up again sometime in the future if he becomes free to do so.

So that was it really, no big dramas and no big or shocking news I'm afraid

Thanks for the update, PTN.

TBH, I'm not that surprised with his decision as I remember you saying ages ago that you would not be in a position to move to be with him until your children were past a certain part of their education (a couple of years away?) and I don't think it would have been feasible for him to move nearer to you (job-wise?) so really I think your decision 3 or 4 months ago that things weren't enough for you was premature - for the future of your relationship, I hasten to add, not for your own happiness and well-being.
I think he was maybe in a 'no-win, no-win' situation (and I'm sure that many people would say that's more than he deserves).

Your sentence about maybe 'picking it up again in the future' leads me to believe (maybe erroneously) that you will get together sometime in the future.

Well, it's been a bit of a roller-coaster ride but I hope you can start to move forward, I wish you all the best.

victory

Pretty much back to square one then?

Some time ago you both had another talk and you gave him an ultimatum and stopped seeing each other and taking calls for a very small amount of time, amid huge pain and tears then you let him back in for a bit and now this, uhm, I could be cruel and petty and say you so could have saved yourself going down this road again and had you not let him back in when we were all trying to tell you not to you would have been well on the way to recovery by now.....

I am not heartless, if you were my friend in real life, I would have taken the ride with you because that is what loyal friends do but along the way I would have been like:eek: and :mad: for you and pulling my hair out and wanting to give you a slap:rotfl: but that is life, I would have been there for you, you have taken so much flak for this it is unbelievable, a weaker person would have caved in so I hope now your inner strength serves you well and gets you back up again.

What you did, both did was not appreciated by many a poster, I never thought you put yourself in that situation, it happened to you, that does not excuse what the repercussions would have been for his family and children and everyone who knew him but it does not make you into this evil monster you have been potrayed as.

Thank you for the update and thank you for being honest and being able to deal with the thread and all it entailed.

For you I hope you do not wait, you get on with it and find a person that will give himself to you with no ultimatums, no tears, no worries, that has a future that he wants to only spend with you, that your children grow up to have a stress free life full of unconditional love, hope, fulfill their dreams and live life free of drama.

CH27

purpletoenails wrote: »

Okay here is my update. I tried to post one earlier but by the time I’d finished I’d been logged out so I’ll try and type quicker this time.

We met yesterday, I was excited to be seeing him, but obviously nervous of the conversation we would be having. We talked about our relationship and how it was going, and I told him that although he made me happy, I was not happy with the situation in general and that it wasn’t fair to anyone. He said he could not imagine a future without me but at present, with circumstances as they are, he could not make me any immediate promises. I felt his reasons were genuine and understandable and not just excuses. So based on that we decided (and this was a wrench for us both) that the relationship could not continue as it had been. That is not to say that we can not pick it up again sometime in the future if he becomes free to do so.

So that was it really, no big dramas and no big or shocking news I'm afraid

Don't let him keep you dangling hun.
Try to start moving forward without him.

Pollycat

CH27 wrote: »

Don't let him keep you dangling hun.
Try to start moving forward without him.

I agree, PTN.

purpletoenails wrote: »

So based on that we decided (and this was a wrench for us both) that the relationship could not continue as it had been.

I do hope that you mean "the relationship can not continue" FULL STOP.

Please do not make the mistake of keeping in touch, it just won't work, at least for you.

He'll gradually wear you down and you'll be back to square 1 before you know it.

When (if) he's free from his commitments to his children and wife, then he can maybe try to pick it up again.

Of course, by that time you may have moved on - but you won't get that chance if you don't sever all ties with him now,regardless of how painful that is.

ellay864

Ditto the above...IMO the only way an affair has a happy ending is if it finishes. That said, my XH had an affair and I've had a happy ending...I'm shot of a cheating !!!!!! and have just married my gorgeous fella

gratefulforhelp_2

purpletoenails wrote: »

Okay here is my update. I tried to post one earlier but by the time I’d finished I’d been logged out so I’ll try and type quicker this time.

We met yesterday, I was excited to be seeing him, but obviously nervous of the conversation we would be having. We talked about our relationship and how it was going, and I told him that although he made me happy, I was not happy with the situation in general and that it wasn’t fair to anyone. He said he could not imagine a future without me but at present, with circumstances as they are, he could not make me any immediate promises. I felt his reasons were genuine and understandable and not just excuses. So based on that we decided (and this was a wrench for us both) that the relationship could not continue as it had been. That is not to say that we can not pick it up again sometime in the future if he becomes free to do so.

So that was it really, no big dramas and no big or shocking news I'm afraid

Thanks for the update, stay strong. x

FarmersWife_2

Purple Toes I have read your post but i have not read any of the replies as I am sure there are a right mix of pro and anti replies....


I have been the 'other woman' ...

I met a man 10 years ago through a club I ran (cars)...

We talked, he came to a few meetings with his son and once with his wife...

We exchanged telephone numbers... then he left without saying anything. I was in a relationship (what turned out to be a violent Domestic Violence relationship).

Then I started receiving texts every now and then just asking how I was etc... I replied and that was it.

I didnt see this man for 5 years... just texts maybe 2 or 3 a week.

That was it !!! I cared for this man, I missed him.

Then he phoned me and said he had bought a new car and he was going to come over and show me.. with wife and son.

He then joined my car club I was running and attended a couple of meetings...

Then a text to say he was leaving again as he couldnt do it... do what? Be around me without having more...

Long story short..... He did leave his wife we had an affair for 3 months... I had just left my violent ex earlier in the year.... I hated being the 'other woman' some people can do it some cant....

We have now been together for 3 years and are very happy...

Im not proud of what I did ... Its an old excuse but if he had been happy he would still be there....

I wish you ALL the best.. I also know a lady who has been in an affair for 15 years and he has no intentions of leaving his wife and she knows it... but at the back of her mind there is always that small chance....

Take care....

pm me if you want to talk without being judged...

There are many people people out there who will be quick to judge who dont appreciate or know the full circumstances...

C x

Marisco

Hope you have your tin hat on FarmersWife