Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

BWZN93

Vows, perhaps?


Sorry to jump back in - but who are you kidding? So marriage vows are meant to trap people permanently in a relationship that no longer works? That you just have to accept unhappiness at home as being part of the agreement you made in front of 'god'? Really? You cant change your mind??? In that case, shouldn't you have never moved house or changed jobs or changed your hair colour because you wanted something different??? Your'e inferring that its only impossible to make a mistake in choosing a partner then??

Yes, there are a lot of relationships that could have been fixed if those involved had actually done something to stop the rot setting in before it was too late. But how many people on here actually have this mindset? Lets also consider free will - how many people end up together because of circumstance, they got pregnant or whatever first? It doesn't particularly smack of love's young dream now does it.

The impression I get with plenty of posts on here is that many seem to think that once they are in the relationship, that's it, they can prioritise kids, doing the washing, cooking dinner over their partner. Its not a concious decision I agree, but its just a gradual decline into home life isn't it? Small wonder that relationships end up broken when your love for your partner is less significant than making sure the dinner is ready at 6pm. I know that would make me feel pretty undervalued and quite frankly, if I was treated like this by a guy I'd be looking elsewhere too.

Ask yourself this, if when you first got together with your partner and it was all exciting and fun, would you have continued dating this person if the relationship had immediately been the daily cycle of chores and work and you not being prioritised? I bet you wouldn't. If you were less important than doing dishes right at the beginning, then you would be a doormat.

As far as I can tell, relationships are like houses. You have to invest time and effort into keeping it looking and feeling new otherwise it starts to fall apart and then you have even more work ahead of you trying to put things right. You don't own your partner, they have free will and are fully entitled to make their life a happy one - after all, we only live once.

And for all of those who say you should stay together for the kids - who are you kidding?? You do know that kids are very perceptive to their parents relationship, pick up on their habits and potentially repeat them in their adult life?? Do you want your children in loveless marriages staying together for their kids??? Trust me, you aren't that good an actor to fool them into thinking your relationship is solid and loving even when the bad times hit. Yes, everyone has arguments, but how you deal with that sets the pattern for your children's own conflict resolution.

You know what, this thread almost depresses me. So many people need to be told they are literally dying before they will actually go and live. Those of you giving PTN a hard time ought to look at the reasons why you feel so vicious towards her. Its not her fault that the fella doesn't have the balls to walk away, and neither is it her problem if the wife finds out and doesn't particularly like the news. If you have a problem, then more than likely you have your own relationship worries. Yes, a woman may 'come along and steal your husband', but then isn't that your fault that your husband would rather take the risk on something new than stay with you? Isn't that also his fault for allowing (in his mind at least) the relationship with you to become somewhat irreparable? You don't find other women/men coming in between marriages where the partnership is solid.

Anyway, for my earlier comments, I'm now going to duck behind the parapet of my warship. Flame me all you want, it doesn't make it any less true. Too many people are accepting substandard relationships because they'd rather that than be on their own. And that, is ultimately what this whole thread has been about.

FarmersWife_2

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

I don't recall telling anyone they weren't entitled to an opinion.

Ever.

:beer:

We'll move on then and leave it there

MoreOn

purpletoenails wrote: »

Okay here is my update. I tried to post one earlier but by the time I’d finished I’d been logged out so I’ll try and type quicker this time.

We met yesterday, I was excited to be seeing him, but obviously nervous of the conversation we would be having. We talked about our relationship and how it was going, and I told him that although he made me happy, I was not happy with the situation in general and that it wasn’t fair to anyone. He said he could not imagine a future without me but at present, with circumstances as they are, he could not make me any immediate promises. I felt his reasons were genuine and understandable and not just excuses. So based on that we decided (and this was a wrench for us both) that the relationship could not continue as it had been. That is not to say that we can not pick it up again sometime in the future if he becomes free to do so.

So that was it really, no big dramas and no big or shocking news I'm afraid

Remember time is ticking and be wary...

Lotus-eater

Marisco wrote: »

FarmersWife, as you haven't read the whole thread, here's a quick rundown............... there are those for who everything is black and white, and there are those of us who know that there are grey areas, with the odd foray into correct grammar and definitions of words

There's also a whole debate whether PTN is at fault at all and should shoulder some blame if or when, the wife has the bad news.

There was also some talk of sluts I believe

Lotus-eater

So looks like this thread will be winding down now, excitement over. The !!!!!! thread has been removed as well for some reason.
There's nowhere interesting to hang out now!

Marisco

Excellent post jw1096 :T

lostinrates

Marisco wrote: »

FarmersWife, as you haven't read the whole thread, here's a quick rundown............... there are those for who everything is black and white, and there are those of us who know that there are grey areas, with the odd foray into correct grammar and definitions of words

that strikes me as a rather black and white assessment of the positions taken!

Lotus-eater

lostinrates wrote: »

that strikes me as a rather black and white assessment of the positions taken!

Yes, us and them, while there's a whole host of people in the grey zone, in fact most people.

POPPYOSCAR

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Yes, us and them, while there's a whole host of people in the grey zone, in fact most people.

Yes, I am fond of the colour grey myself - I think is is quite smart.

POPPYOSCAR

Lotus-eater wrote: »

So looks like this thread will be winding down now, excitement over. The !!!!!! thread has been removed as well for some reason.
There's nowhere interesting to hang out now!

I am sure we could all keep it going!!

I would find it interesting to find out from time to time how PTN is doing.We could all be here for moral support if she needs it, as breaking up with someone you love is no easy thing to do.