Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

QuackQuackOops

Taadaa wrote: »

It is most certainly derogatory, because it is rarely used for a man; there is no male equivolent; and because it is sometimes associated with brothels and kinky sex. It is typecasting. That makes it unfair and derogatory in my book.

Ditto !!!!!! - people say 'he's a man !!!!!!' because they have attached this horrible term to women. Why do we need a term at all? Oh yeah, I forgot; it sums up our judgement of someone we hardly know, based on one aspect of their behaviour. Not their personality, but an aspect of their lives that probably changes from one month to the next.

For goodness sake, there is no label or judgement.

If a man is married and he is cheating he has 1, A WIFE (not a label or a judgement and 2, A MISTRESS (not a label or a judgement)

Both names are correct terminology and both are women. We have name for people and things in the English language; if you don't like the name just say so, but don't come out with all this nonsense about derogatory terms and awful associations.

QuackQuackOops

Taadaa wrote: »

.... didn't say that I didn't want people to see it, I just forgot it was there - I probably did it one day when I was bored and thought nothing more of it. Then get into a debate online with someone and felt a bit taken aback that it was looked at, as I forgot it was there. There's no great story behind it. Way off topic now..

No-one has to go looking for your profile to see your picture. Noone has to open up another window or click on "see Users Profile". You photo was there under your user name for all to see on every post you have made.

Can you not see NickyHutches picture on under her name? Thats what yours looked like until you removed it.
So noone 'looked at' it. It was right there in everyone's face attached to everything you wrote. Everyone on here now knows what you look like.

neverdespairgirl

Welshwoofs wrote: »

You see the same mentality extend into the subject of this thread; affairs. You see time and time again that the female side of an affair has FAR more vitriol heaped upon them than the male. In fact, in some cases, there almost seems to be a mentality that men are poor, helpless creatures who get sucked in by calculating women who seems to possess the powers of Sirens. What's even more bizarre is that much of this type of rhetoric comes from other women! It's almost as though feminism never happened....

On this thread, there's been a fair amount of criticism of the man himself, I reckon. In fact, a lot of it.

I think, though, that blaming the mistress is something of a psychological defence for a cheated-on wife. After all, they don't have complicated feelings about the other woman, it's a straight forward dislike. But the man who cheated is someone they had very strong feelings about. It's natural to want to find a way to place blame on someone other than the one you love.

POPPYOSCAR

QuackQuackOops wrote: »

No-one has to go looking for your profile to see your picture. Noone has to open up another window or click on "see Users Profile". You photo was there under your user name for all to see on every post you have made.

Can you not see NickyHutches picture on under her name? Thats what yours looked like until you removed it.
So noone 'looked at' it. It was right there in everyone's face attached to everything you wrote. Everyone on here now knows what you look like.

Can someone please put me out of my misery?

What is all this talk of pictures underneath names? I can't see pictures of anybody!! Why is that? Why are you all so 'special'!!

Welshwoofs

lostinrates wrote: »

.though you did also say ''the subject of this thread'' so...that IS PTN's situation!

Ok, apologies in advance because this isn't having a go at you or your interpretation of what I posted, but I'm going to have a grammar whinge

I said:

"the subject of this thread; affairs" - non-possessive pluralised common noun with no proper noun used.

Phew...glad I got that one off my chest. Sorry again!

Lotus-eater

Welshwoofs wrote: »

That's the thing for me - it perpetuates the myth that women who have a lot of sexual partners are somehow much worse than men who do the same.

You see the same mentality extend into the subject of this thread; affairs. You see time and time again that the female side of an affair has FAR more vitriol heaped upon them than the male. In fact, in some cases, there almost seems to be a mentality that men are poor, helpless creatures who get sucked in by calculating women who seems to possess the powers of Sirens. What's even more bizarre is that much of this type of rhetoric comes from other women! It's almost as though feminism never happened....

I think it would be better to quote actual posts, rather than do a blanket appraisal of the thread on this point.

Because I think you're wrong. I think the bloke in this thread (or of this thread) has had far more vitriol levelled upon him than PTN's.

Welshwoofs

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I think it would be better to quote actual posts, rather than do a blanket appraisal of the thread on this point.

Because I think you're wrong. I think the bloke in this thread (or of this thread) has had far more vitriol levelled upon him than PTN's.

What you are quoting isn't a blanket appraisal of the thread; it's a general comment about the apportioning of blame in affairs. What you didn't quote was a comment on this thread and it may be right or may be wrong (I've not read every posting so it's just my general impression)

PTN's what by the way? You appear to have finished your posting mid sentence.

lostinrates

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Can someone please put me out of my misery?

What is all this talk of pictures underneath names? I can't see pictures of anybody!! Why is that? Why are you all so 'special'!!

on your profile do your have avatars ''switched on'' or ''enabled'' or whatever it is? If you do you'll see some have pictures under their name on the left, if not you don't see it.

euronorris

Welshwoofs wrote: »

I said I was referring to affairs; not PTN's situation (sorry to pick you up on that but I've had several occasions in the last few days where general comments have been taken to be specific when they were not)

If I were to comment on PTN's case I'd say it'd be really interesting to see if she'd gained half the amount of nasty personal comments she got if she'd actually been a man talking about an affair he was having with a married woman.

Wasn't there a thread like that in the last year? A guy who had had an affair, and ended it, and was trying to win back his wife?

He got torn to shreds, but given some good advice too. I don't think he faired any better than PTN.

euronorris

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Can someone please put me out of my misery?

What is all this talk of pictures underneath names? I can't see pictures of anybody!! Why is that? Why are you all so 'special'!!

OK, select 'Quick Links' towards the top right of the thread.

The select 'Edit Options'. This will open a new page. Scroll down until you see the viewing settings section. Tick the box for 'View Avatars' and you should then be able to view other people's avatars (only if they have one of course).

HTH