Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

nickyhutch

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

OK. No of course I don't think I know all about them, only what you've posted. which is 2 relationships - not much to "suggest that you do get what you want", really.

I think "unsustainable" is a bit of a cop-out way of describing something so important.

Sorry if my choice of words doesn't quite fit. There were a lot of reasons why we couldn't stay together. The relationship was utterly broken down.

victory

What have I MISSED? Has PTN been back on with an update? Someone fill me in (not literally):rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

deb68_2

Welshwoofs wrote: »

I think you really need to wind your neck in dear and using the "Oh won't somebody please think of the children" really doesn't have the same weight of moral indignation when the 'children' in question are nearly adults.



Why do you bother calling PTN 'huni' when every post you write in reply to her absolutely seethes with venom? If I were you I'd just drop the fake niceness - you obviously don't mean it.




:rotfl: And another one of the moral minority yaps away ineffectually.

You know absolutely nothing about me - not gender, age, relationship status nor background

I actually mean everything i say
i do not fake niceness or anything else
im not perfect who the hell is
i just would never have an affair,
nope not on high horse HUNNI (sarcasm there look it up)
Ptn can do better she doeas not to wait around waiting for this bloke to decide,
Nickyhutch i think it is her name? i have a lot of respect for her an i have never met the lady

Venom NO,
i have only venom towards one person for the thing that happpened to me
i have no venom for anyone on here there are some pretty amazing helpful people on here

you well you make me smile your comments are off the wall

am sure you understand all that you prattle out

QuackQuackOops

I am shocked that some women say "the wife is nothing to do with me". I find that strange, very strange.
You see, if I love a man and I thought that there was another woman in his life ironing his shirts, washing his underwear, making his bed, doing his shopping, raising his children, spending his money, planning his time and loving him in her own way then I would not be very happy or comfortable.

I could not go through life saying "She doesn't matter to me one bit". It would be a lie. Any woman who has an affair with a married man and ultimately wants him to leave his wife is lying if they say the wife does not matter. Of course she does because she is the only obstacle in the way.

I also don't know how I could possibly love a man who doesn't love me enough to have me take over all those roles, at least in name?

Women who put up with this nonsense from a man for years on end are co-dependents and gain some strange kind of satisfaction from the internal drama that is caused.
Every single one of these women know deep down inside themselves that the man is full of excuses and does not love them. If they did, of course, the man would be with them like a shot. Who wants to ever feel not good enough? Crazy woman do? The ones who are grateful for scraps?
They need to find happiness with themselves before anything else......perhaps then, the man might leave.

The wife has something that the other woman never has....self respect.....and thats why the man stays with her most of the time.

whitewing

I agree QQOops. I have had a bit of a crush on someone before (hence how I know that I could not have an affair), and I found it quite painful to see him in a new shirt and have a fleeting thought that perhaps his wife chose it. The wife loomed large for me and there would have been no way that I could have ignored the fact that she existed.

nickyhutch

QuackQuackOops wrote: »

I am shocked that some women say "the wife is nothing to do with me". I find that strange, very strange. But we aren't all the same, are we?

You see, if I love a man and I thought that there was another woman in his life ironing his shirts, washing his underwear, making his bed, doing his shopping, raising his children, spending his money, planning his time and loving him in her own way then I would not be very happy or comfortable. This did not bother me, because it didn't occur to me to think about it. Maybe because I didn't long to do his washing, ironing and shopping?

I could not go through life saying "She doesn't matter to me one bit". It would be a lie. For you, but not others. Any woman who has an affair with a married man and ultimately wants him to leave his wife is lying if they say the wife does not matter I wasn't. She genuinely was not on my radar. . Of course she does because she is the only obstacle in the way.

I also don't know how I could possibly love a man who doesn't love me enough to have me take over all those roles, at least in name? Well I certainly didn't want to take over those roles (not even sure that his ex did all that, other than the "planning his time" - she certainly did that.

Women who put up with this nonsense from a man for years on end are co-dependents and gain some strange kind of satisfaction from the internal drama that is caused. Hmmmmm no.
Every single one of these women Not me know deep down inside themselves that the man is full of excuses and does not love them. If they did, of course, the man would be with them like a shot. Who wants to ever feel not good enough? I neer felt "not good enough". I KNEW I was good enough. I just had to hang on until he realised I was too. Crazy woman do? The ones who are grateful for scraps?
They need to find happiness with themselves before anything else......perhaps then, the man might leave. I was and am quite happy with myself, thanks


The wife has something that the other woman never has....self respect.....and thats why the man stays with her most of the time.

I've enough self respect and can't comment on how OH's ex feels about her own self respect. I suspect she's fine with her new husband.

Pollycat

QuackQuackOops wrote: »

I am shocked that some women say "the wife is nothing to do with me". I find that strange, very strange.

I agree, QQOops.

Didn't Diana say 'There are 3 people in this marriage'?

Maybe PTN's chap's wife doesn't know about his 'Camilla' but I personally can't see how anybody can say 'I don't think about the wife of the man I'm having an affair with'.

But as nickyhutch points out:
'we aren't all the same, are we?'

Errata

Of course the other woman thinks about the wife. They can't go where they want, when they want for however long they want with the MM because he doesn't want his wife to find out and he can't come up with an excuse to go AWOL whenever the other woman crooks her finger. Having a wife means he's not a free agent and by default neither is the other woman.
An other woman would have to be pretty blinkered or naive not to think about all that on a regular basis.

nickyhutch

I was neither blinkered or naive - I was getting on with my own life. I didn't crook my finger, and left it up to OH to come over when he could/wanted. I was not sitting moping, waiting for a call or text.

Pollycat

nickyhutch wrote: »

I was neither blinkered or naive - I was getting on with my own life. I didn't crook my finger, and left it up to OH to come over when he could/wanted. I was not sitting moping, waiting for a call or text.

But a life not shared 100% with the one you were having an affair with - and presumably wished to be with and share that life with 100%.....