Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

nickyhutch

Pollycat wrote: »

But a life not shared 100% with the one you were having an affair with - and presumably wished to be with and share that life with 100%.....

But a life I was carrying on with and enjoying nevertheless. As for wishing to share that life with - only if HE wanted to. It was up to him to make that choice and I got on with things while he made up his mind.

The point was, though, that I didn't sit and think about his wife.

Pollycat

nickyhutch wrote: »

But a life I was carrying on with and enjoying nevertheless. As for wishing to share that life with - only if HE wanted to. It was up to him to make that choice and I got on with things while he made up his mind.

The point was, though, that I didn't sit and think about his wife.

Extract from post #4300 - black text is QQOops, red is yours:

If they did, of course, the man would be with them like a shot. Who wants to ever feel not good enough? I neer felt "not good enough". I KNEW I was good enough. I just had to hang on until he realised I was too.

'Hanging on' until someone came to the conclusion that you were 'good enough' doesn't (at least to me) like you were getting on with things with his wife 'genuinely not on your radar'.

nickyhutch

Pollycat wrote: »

Extract from post #4300 - black text is QQOops, red is yours:


'Hanging on' until someone came to the conclusion that you were 'good enough' doesn't (at least to me) like you were getting on with things with his wife 'genuinely not on your radar'.

You've misunderstood me in that case.

Pollycat

nickyhutch wrote: »

You've misunderstood me in that case.

Obviously I must have. (cue 'roly-eyes smiley')

euronorris

nickyhutch wrote: »

But a life I was carrying on with and enjoying nevertheless. As for wishing to share that life with - only if HE wanted to. It was up to him to make that choice and I got on with things while he made up his mind.

The point was, though, that I didn't sit and think about his wife.

Surely there must have been some consideration of her, at some point, as a) you were aware of existance, and b) knew that he would have to leave her if you two were ever to have a chance at a long term relationship.

Do you not, at the very least, consider the likelihood of this happening, and how she might react as it would have an impact on the fallout?

Welshwoofs

QuackQuackOops wrote: »

You see, if I love a man and I thought that there was another woman in his life ironing his shirts, washing his underwear, making his bed, doing his shopping, raising his children, spending his money, planning his time and loving him in her own way then I would not be very happy or comfortable.

Dear god....is that really the idea of domestic bliss? Ironing, washing, shopping? Did I wake up in the 1950s?

I can well imagine that 'the other woman' wouldn't give a moment's thought to any of that nor have any envy regarding it because, in my view, it sounds more like a 'housekeeper with sexual benefits' than a life partner.

I also don't know how I could possibly love a man who doesn't love me enough to have me take over all those roles, at least in name?

I could never possibly love a man who viewed domestic drudgery as my 'role' in life.

gratefulforhelp_2

Pollycat wrote: »

Obviously I must have. (cue 'roly-eyes smiley')

This one? :rotfl:

Welshwoofs wrote: »

I could never possibly love a man who viewed domestic drudgery as my 'role' in life.

That's not what was being said, I think the point was one about the difference between "dating" and married commitment which does involve some less glamorous tasks done as part of a team.

Pollycat

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

That's not what was being said, I think the point was one about the difference between "dating" and married commitment which does involve some less glamorous tasks done as part of a team.

But Welshwoofs does have a tendency to take comments out of context when quoting them.

nickyhutch

euronorris wrote: »

Surely there must have been some consideration of her, at some point, as a) you were aware of existance, and b) knew that he would have to leave her if you two were ever to have a chance at a long term relationship.

Do you not, at the very least, consider the likelihood of this happening, and how she might react as it would have an impact on the fallout?

It's not exactly what we were talking about, but I see what you mean.

If we discussed him leaving (we did not have long, wrung-out talks about it; he knew that I wanted him to if HE wanted to), the focus was on the children - how will they react, can they come and stay here, where will they sleep, will they take to DS, how will if affect my DS - that sort of thing.

I suppose, knowing (or having guessed) that she was having an affair or fling herself, I imagined that she would not be massively upset and only concerned with the practicalities and financial side. I was right.

nickyhutch

Pollycat wrote: »

Obviously I must have. (cue 'roly-eyes smiley')

WHy the rolling eyes? If you interpreted my comments the way you did, then you did misunderstand me.