Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Welshwoofs

euronorris wrote: »

Sorry, but they can't care much about the hurt and damage they will cause to a marriage and the kids (where involved), if they are willing to enter into a relationship with a married man in the first place.

"I have to confess that I am married....well married in name only. We've lived separate lives for a long time, really we've just stayed together this far because of the children. The relationship's been dead for a long time though and meeting you has brought it home to me....now I just need to tie up the loose ends."

You don't think anyone ever falls for that line? In some cases it's true, in others not, but in the flush of romance it's not that difficult to understand how some women (perhaps even ones who've previously said they'd never have an affair with a married man), get caught up. The same goes for single men having affairs with married women too naturally.

I have no sympathy for someone who does that, and then finds that they aren't as special as the married person would have them believe at the start. They're adults, they know their is a marriage (and possibly kids) involved, and yet they choose to start the relationship anyway.

The fact they're adults and chose to do it doesn't stop me having sympathy. In my view there's sympathy to be had for everyone in the situation.

Yes, sometimes it can all work out well, but it is much, much, much more likely that it will all end in tears for all involved.

Why is it much, much more likely? I know as many people who went on to happy relationships with those they were seeing whilst still married as I know ones where it didn't work out.

And no, I don't think I'm perfect. I know I'm not. But I do know that I would never start a relationship with a man who was already in a relationship (married or otherwise). I don't see how knowing I wouldn't do that, equates to me thinking that I'm perfect. Is this the only aspect to someone's personality all of a sudden?

Some of the comments on this thread (and I'm not talking about you here, yours have been pretty balanced), seem to indicate people who believe they are morally superior and want to demonstrate their superiority by tearing PTN apart at every opportunity. Frankly, it's purile.

I too am not perfect; I've never had a relationship with someone already in a relationship (married or otherwise) and I would rather not do so.....however I wouldn't entirely rule out the possibility because there are just so many unknowns in life. I look at the women my ex was having flings with during our relationship; in the main they were married women themselves who, going by their emails, were massively unhappy in their relationships and seeking solice elsewhere rather than dealing with the root of the problem. I can't hate them for that; they weren't the architects of my relationship's downfall and they had no duty of care to me. If anything, ultimately they did me a favour for pulling my head of the sand.

As I said - PTN came here for advice, but what she's had from a significant minority is outright vitriol and complete trashing of her character. She's not bitten back and she's continued to answer her critics in a balanced and polite manner .... and god knows, if people had written to me some of the things I've read here I'd have ripped them a new bumhole in double quick time.

She seems to me like a nice woman who's probably (I say 'probably' as the outcome isn't yet known) put her faith in the wrong guy. It'll either work out, or she'll wise up - either way I'll certainly not be helping the good folks of Salem here burn her as a witch.

catkins

[QUOTE=Welshwoofs;47963079

:rotfl: And another one of the moral minority yaps away ineffectually.

You know absolutely nothing about me - not gender, age, relationship status nor background [/QUOTE]

I guess I belong to the "moral minority" which I am certainly not ashamed of. I find it sad that so many people do not think affairs are wrong

euronorris

Welshwoofs wrote: »

"I have to confess that I am married....well married in name only. We've lived separate lives for a long time, really we've just stayed together this far because of the children. The relationship's been dead for a long time though and meeting you has brought it home to me....now I just need to tie up the loose ends."

You don't think anyone ever falls for that line? In some cases it's true, in others not, but in the flush of romance it's not that difficult to understand how some women (perhaps even ones who've previously said they'd never have an affair with a married man), get caught up. The same goes for single men having affairs with married women too naturally.

Personally, unless they are separated, living in different homes and the divorce proceedings are under way, I wouldn't get involved. If he's genuinely a nice guy, he'd understand and respect that.

I can see how some women would fall for that, but IMO it doesn't make them any less selfish. There's no reason why they couldn't wait for him to at least move out, and if he didn't, well then they'd know he was lying.

Plus, if they did get involved, and then he didn't move out and it was apparant the marriage/relationship was still going on, then they should end the relationship right there and then.

And yeah, of course it applies for men and women.

The fact they're adults and chose to do it doesn't stop me having sympathy. In my view there's sympathy to be had for everyone in the situation.

I don't agree, but that's you view and I respect it.

Why is it much, much more likely? I know as many people who went on to happy relationships with those they were seeing whilst still married as I know ones where it didn't work out.

My experience isn't the same as yours. IME, many, many, many more of the guys/gals, were lying to the OW and had no intention of leaving the wife, or only ever leave the wife when caught and the relationship with the OW quickly falls apart.

It has been the experience of many on this thread also. More of those experiences have been given, than those for whom the affair led to the man/woman leaving their partner and forming a lasting relationship with the other person.

Some of the comments on this thread (and I'm not talking about you here, yours have been pretty balanced), seem to indicate people who believe they are morally superior and want to demonstrate their superiority by tearing PTN apart at every opportunity. Frankly, it's purile.

I too am not perfect; I've never had a relationship with someone already in a relationship (married or otherwise) and I would rather not do so.....however I wouldn't entirely rule out the possibility because there are just so many unknowns in life. I look at the women my ex was having flings with during our relationship; in the main they were married women themselves who, going by their emails, were massively unhappy in their relationships and seeking solice elsewhere rather than dealing with the root of the problem. I can't hate them for that; they weren't the architects of my relationship's downfall and they had no duty of care to me. If anything, ultimately they did me a favour for pulling my head of the sand.

As I said - PTN came here for advice, but what she's had from a significant minority is outright vitriol and complete trashing of her character. She's not bitten back and she's continued to answer her critics in a balanced and polite manner .... and god knows, if people had written to me some of the things I've read here I'd have ripped them a new bumhole in double quick time.

She has been very polite, I agree. However, I am sure that PTN was aware that she would most likely receive a lot of the responses she has.

That doesn't make it right, but it is a very emotive subject for some and is to be expected.

She seems to me like a nice woman who's probably (I say 'probably' as the outcome isn't yet known) put her faith in the wrong guy. It'll either work out, or she'll wise up - either way I'll certainly not be helping the good folks of Salem here burn her as a witch.

I honestly believe he won't leave his wife, ever. He has lied and manipulated, and when given a choice, ultimately he chose to stay with his wife, and worse, then badgered her with contact until she gave in.

Even if he did leave his wife, I wouldn't recommend that she continue her relationship with him, because her descriptions of him have not painted a pretty picture.

nickyhutch

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Yes Miss, though not when referring to Brad;)

You're mistaken

gratefulforhelp_2

nickyhutch wrote: »

You're mistaken

What do you want that you haven't got?

(Don't say Johnny Depp, I don't get that at all).

nickyhutch

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

What do you want that you haven't got?

(Don't say Johnny Depp, I don't get that at all).

A house that isn't falling to pieces
A garden
To see my Dad more than I do (he lives in Spain)
Willpower to stop eating too much
A bit more money (just to be comfortable, not greedy)
A smaller nose
To feel that my job is safe
To be able to work fewer hours
To be able to help my son out more financially over his next few years

The list could go on, but I'm not a moaner, generally.

I don't know where you get the idea that I have everything I want.

Sugardonut

I think if someone enters into a relationship with someone they know to be married it is wrong.

People can control their feelings, you don't 'need' to have an affair.

I find it plain wrong when people say that only the straying spouse is wrong, that they are the only person that owes their cheated partner anything:eek:

What a horrible society if its ok to knowingly break someones heart because "you don't owe them anything".

That said, i do feel that the mistress (or whatever you call a male mistress) get most blame when it should be 50/50.

gratefulforhelp_2

nickyhutch wrote: »

A house that isn't falling to pieces
A garden
To see my Dad more than I do (he lives in Spain)
Willpower to stop eating too much
A bit more money (just to be comfortable, not greedy)
A smaller nose
To feel that my job is safe
To be able to work fewer hours
To be able to help my son out more financially over his next few years

The list could go on, but I'm not a moaner, generally.

I don't know where you get the idea that I have everything I want.

That's a neat list.

We were talking about the idea that people can't always get what they want (after the Rolling Stones) and I was suggesting you do get what you want in terms of your romantic relationships.

You had a husband, you tired of him, you got someone else (s).

nickyhutch

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

That's a neat list.

We were talking about the idea that people can't always get what they want (after the Rolling Stones) and I was suggesting you do get what you want in terms of your romantic relationships.

You had a husband, you tired of him, you got someone else (s).

So you think you know all about all my romantic relationships because of my posts on here? I can tell you that you don't. Of course I have wanted people that I couldn't have.

I think "you tired of him" is a tad simplistic. I'm sure I've talked on here before about why that relationship was unsustainable, so wont be going into it again. I didn't kick one out and go after another, as you seem to be suggesting.

gratefulforhelp_2

OK. No of course I don't think I know all about them, only what you've posted.

I think "unsustainable" is a bit of a cop-out way of describing something so important.