Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Lotus-eater

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Again, she's not responsibile for the wife's happiness.

She may well be responsible for her unhappyness though.

Welshwoofs

VestanPance wrote: »

I don't need to. Your attitude to taking part in the destruction of relationships and families is clear for all to see. That and you see having morals as a character flaw.

My attitude is that it's probably best not to judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. That it's probably best not to make assumptions about a situation you know nothing of.

I'd also add that moral codes are subjective and entirely personal so it's probably best not to get your panties in a twist just because someone doesn't happy to go along with YOUR views.

What is ironic is that you have turned your iddy biddy fangs on to me and made all sorts of assumptions about my 'outlook'. In fact, my last relationship of 10 years broke up back in March because my partner cheated on me - multiple times as it turned out.

So much for assumptions hey

Person_one

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Again, she's not responsibile for the wife's happiness.

I'm not responsible for anybody else's happiness, that doesn't mean its ok for me to act in a way that I know will make people unhappy for my own selfish ends.

VestanPance

Welshwoofs wrote: »

My attitude is that it's probably best not to judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. That it's probably best not to make assumptions about a situation you know nothing of.

I'd also add that moral codes are subjective and entirely personal so it's probably best not to get your panties in a twist just because someone doesn't happy to go along with YOUR views.

What is ironic is that you have turned your iddy biddy fangs on to me and made all sorts of assumptions about my 'outlook'. In fact, my last relationship of 10 years broke up back in March because my partner cheated on me - multiple times as it turned out.

So much for assumptions hey

You don't need to walk in people shoes. Just do the right thing, only cowards look for excuses.

I've not made assumptions, I've commented on the jibberish you spout constantly.

Welshwoofs

Lotus-eater wrote: »

She may well be responsible for her unhappyness though.

You're assuming the wife is a) happy now and b) would be unhappy if she found her husband was straying. Again; you don't know that. Nobody knows that, not even PTN.

That's why there's really no point judging - she came for advice, not judgement.

Personally I have no advice for her other than to think very hard about how much of her life she want's to give to waiting for this guy to make a move and whether or not she'd be happier with someone else who has less baggage and more time for her.

Welshwoofs

VestanPance wrote: »

You don't need to walk in people shoes. Just do the right thing, only cowards look for excuses.

I've not made assumptions, I've commented on the jibberish you spout constantly.

Yap, yap, yap, yap.

I'd love to stay and continue to be amused by you, unfortunately I really need to get some work done...

VestanPance

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Yap, yap, yap, yap.

I'd love to stay and continue to be amused by you, unfortunately I really need to get some work done...

Run off why don't you, as you seem unable to respond in anything that resembles an adult conversation when you're easily being out argued.

Welshwoofs

VestanPance wrote: »

Run off why don't you, as you seem unable to respond in anything that resembles an adult conversation when you're easily being out argued.

I have no need to argue with you because what you are is transparently clear. You've been cheated upon and going from your postings about sitting in on your own, feeling lonely and never being able to trust again, are now living on your own and festering in a well of self-pity.

What you're basically doing is deflecting your anger at what your ex did to you on to PTN and anyone who fails to condemn her 100%.

Well you make your own happiness in this life. When I found out my ex had been cheating for much of our 10-year relationship I handed him a glass of wine and told him that packing would be thirsty work. He was out the same night and though it's certainly heart-breaking for a few weeks, you move on. Seven months' down the line I'm happy and would have no qualms about trusting again because people are individuals.

You don't know what PTN is like as a person. You may disagree with what she's doing (and by extension, him), but what you're doing just makes you look like an unhappy, bitter man who simply goes on the attack to ease his own pain.

I refuse to condemn PTN because I know nothing about this chap's situation and nothing much about hers. All I know of PTN is that she's come across one hell of a lot politer and nicer than people like you...who consider yourself morally superior.

VestanPance

PTN is nothing but an enabler for the cretin she's having an affair with. I had these views long before I split from my wife. Simple and easy rule to keep don't cheat.

There are no reasons, no justifications, only excuses.

bobble_hat

Welshwoofs wrote: »

I refuse to condemn PTN because I know nothing about this chap's situation and nothing much about hers. All I know of PTN is that she's come across one hell of a lot politer and nicer than people like you...who consider yourself morally superior.

Well said. I posted on here in answer to PTN's question with what I experienced in my situation. But I made no judgement.

This is someone who is reaching out for help, not judgement. I suspect PTN that you know what you need to do for your own sanity, but that you need the strength to do it.

I've never had an affair, it's something that out of personal choice I would never do, because I have lived with the effects of it. But it's MY personal choice.

I also know people who have had affairs and are now in stable relationships with those partners, but do have that small corner of their mind which harbours doubt over the faithfulness of their partner.

I too have this even though I trust my husband 100%.

None of us know what will happen tomorrow. We're all just trying to live our life and get through each day, hopefully with pleasure and enjoyment. Let's stop making it so tough on each other.

PTN, I hope that you have found useful advice within these pages and I hope that you find your own path to happiness, however that comes about. And I hope that it is not at the expense of another. As I said before I was much happier when my partner left me for his mistress.