Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

harrys_nan

I have been married twice, 1st time to a serial adulterer who used my bed, my home when i was at work, he also was very good with his fist, the 2nd time we was together for about 20odd years before he decided to check out the "greener" grass. I will never get married again, vows what do they mean?? I live with somebody now and I know he will never cheat and I have more security now than ever before. Im not bitter at all, whats the point? Prefer to live life to the best of my abilities

victory

You say you know but no one ever really knows do they?

whitewing

One of the managers where I first worked had a husband whose first wife had had an affair. He rang her office phone probably 8-10 times a day to check up on her (the second wife), even though she never gave him any cause for concern. It was really irritating. Better he'd've stayed with his first wife, who at least deserved the distrust.

I know of another manager who had occasional affairs at work. His wife used to phone him all the time. If he was giving a lift to a (completely innocent) female between sites he had to describe what she was wearing to his wife in front of his colleague.

basketcase

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I agree with you - but bringing in a "sacred" aspect only applies to some marriages.

I took it to mean sacred to the couple, not necessarily religiously significant

basketcase

poet123 wrote: »

Most people see their vows as more than a "script" if that was all they meant to you why bother? Why not just live together and use the measure you prefer- how he behaves every day.

I suspect that deep down your ambivalence towards the vows stems from the knowledge that he ignored the vows once he can do it again, so why attach that much import to them? Instead, living a day at a time and evaluating the relationship at a day at a time seems sensible and pragmatic.

I understood Nicky to say that her husband felt that her making vows to him made him feel more secure.

Nicky has repeatedly said that she feels secure (enough) of him even without the vows. So she doesn't seem to be ambivalent. My understanding was that she'd be quite happy without making the promises - it's her husband who felt them to be important. (Correct me if I'm wrong here, Nicky!)

harrys_nan

victory wrote: »

You say you know but no one ever really knows do they?

trust me I do know, plenty of practice with bad boys :rotfl:

nickyhutch

basketcase wrote: »

I understood Nicky to say that her husband felt that her making vows to him made him feel more secure.

Nicky has repeatedly said that she feels secure (enough) of him even without the vows. So she doesn't seem to be ambivalent. My understanding was that she'd be quite happy without making the promises - it's her husband who felt them to be important. (Correct me if I'm wrong here, Nicky!)

You're absolutely right, thank you.

poet123

basketcase wrote: »

I understood Nicky to say that her husband felt that her making vows to him made him feel more secure.

Nicky has repeatedly said that she feels secure (enough) of him even without the vows. So she doesn't seem to be ambivalent. My understanding was that she'd be quite happy without making the promises - it's her husband who felt them to be important. (Correct me if I'm wrong here, Nicky!)

I don't want to make this personal to Nicky, but to answer your point, her husband broke his previous vows by having an affair with her, so vows weren't important to him then.

Marisco

But what are people supposed to do if they are unhappy? Stick to vows regardless? TBH I think very few people take them that seriously, that they would stick in an unhappy marriage.

gratefulforhelp_2

Marisco wrote: »

But what are people supposed to do if they are unhappy? Stick to vows regardless? TBH I think very few people take them that seriously, that they would stick in an unhappy marriage.

You are right, so many people don't take them seriously enough.