Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

victory

Good point yes:D

poet123

nickyhutch wrote: »

I already explained why I got married.

If that's what you prefer to believe (without knowing me and OH), then of course you're entitled to do so. I know me and I knew OH, so I know you're wrong.

A day at a time? We've been together 7/8 years, so I think it's based on a little more than that.

How long was he with he with his first wife? 7/8 years is not so long in the scheme of things. Not just aimed at you, but I don't know how you trust someone who has proved themselves capable of such deceit.

POPPYOSCAR

poet123 wrote: »

How long was he with he with his first wife? 7/8 years is not so long in the scheme of things. Not just aimed at you, but I don't know how you trust someone who has proved themselves capable of such deceit.

I think it is possible to trust someone in these circumstances. I know someone who cheated and then married the person that they cheated with. They are still together(twice as long as the first marriage) and they only have eyes for each other. I would trust both of them with my life.

I think it would be more difficult to trust someone who cheated but then stayed in that relationship.

nickyhutch

poet123 wrote: »

How long was he with he with his first wife? 7/8 years is not so long in the scheme of things. Not just aimed at you, but I don't know how you trust someone who has proved themselves capable of such deceit.

You don't need to know how - I do trust him, as much as I would trust someone I'd met in a "NORMAL" way. I can trust him because I believe that people change, that people don't necessarily behave in the same way with different people, that I am what he needs where his ex-wife wasn't.

Can't you understand that? He gets what he needs with me.

Your next comment will be "but will he always?". Who knows> We all change, all the time. Who knows where we'll be in 5, 10, 15 years? I hope, I really do, that it's where I am now, with who I'm with now, but I'm practical, and a realist, so I know that it might not be.

Those of you assuming (hoping?) that my OH will bu99er off with the next slapper who flashes her knickers at him - it may well be me who swoons at the next set of pecs I see. It's not all about men who can't keep it in their pants. OH and I are just the same and we know it - it's what keeps, and has kept us, on our toes.

Wickedkitten

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I think it is possible to trust someone in these circumstances. I know someone who cheated and then married the person that they cheated with. They are still together(twice as long as the first marriage) and they only have eyes for each other. I would trust both of them with my life.

I think it would be more difficult to trust someone who cheated but then stayed in that relationship.

My parents have been together now for 38 years, married 35, have six kids together and my mum doesn't trust my dad as far as she can throw him. She doesn't even like when other women say hello to him, all rather pathetic really.

POPPYOSCAR

Wickedkitten wrote: »

My parents have been together now for 38 years, married 35, have six kids together and my mum doesn't trust my dad as far as she can throw him. She doesn't even like when other women say hello to him, all rather pathetic really.

Yes thats a shame.

I could not and would not live with someone I did not trust. Just what is the point.

neverdespairgirl

victory wrote: »

Absolutely true but the promises, the hope, the future together, being there for each other all the way through is the same whether it is infront of the eiffel (sp) tower or Las vegas strip:D

I agree with you - but bringing in a "sacred" aspect only applies to some marriages.

FatVonD

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I think it would be more difficult to trust someone who cheated but then stayed in that relationship.

Very good point.

FatVonD

I knew I wanted to marry DH within a couple of months of meeting him and he obviously felt the same as he proposed after being together about 8 months (we didn't marry for a couple of years though as I was separated but not divorced, his decree absolute had come through on the day of our first date!)

I'd have been gutted if he'd cheated on me while we were living together but I think it would be worse now that we're married (even though we have no children together) because I'd be thinking 'why on earth did you marry me and make it more complicated to go our separate ways if you were going to do this?' (legally.)

victory

I can't honestly see the point in staying within a relationship that has had an affair if all you are going to do is not trust, bring it up at every argument, check his wallet, check his phone, go to his work to see if he is actually there, ask him all the time when is he going to be home, keep tabs on him, that will drive anyone insane and is not healthy