Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

justmel

Personally for us marriage was important but it's not for everyone and i can understand that,you can have the same loving and commited relationship without the ceromony and certificate etc,we just felt it cemented that,other couples don't mind and that is fine.

I think for any relationship the most important thing is not what you say in front of others but what you promise and expect of eachother,that understanding of eachothers needs and what can be accepted or not accepted.

We have been married for 14 years,together for 16 but that doesn't mean that for the first two years i would have cheated,if we had never married and remained living as a couple for those 14 years i would not have seen things any differently.

We are together with a mutual understanding that cheating is not tolerable in our relationship,neither of us needed to state that in front of friends and family to understand it and if either of us was to ever have any kind of affair or one night stand etc etc it wouldn't be our friends and family we would be letting down it would be eachother,along with our children of course.

POPPYOSCAR

Being married means absolutely nothing to us.

We do not feel the need to stand in front of anyone and make vows to each other. Our commitment to each other is understood and demonstrated on a daily basis.

As they say, 'actions speak louder than words'.

This has stood us in good stead for over 25 years.

We will have to get married ,eventually, purely for financial reasons.If we could do it online or through the post we would!!

lostinrates

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Being married means absolutely nothing to us.

We do not feel the need to stand in front of anyone and make vows to each other. Our commitment to each other is understood and demonstrated on a daily basis.

As they say, 'actions speak louder than words'.

This has stood us in good stead for over 25 years.

We will have to get married ,eventually, purely for financial reasons.If we could do it online or through the post we would!!

its not such a faff at the registry office....you give notice, then book a slot, go take two witnesses done in a very short time.

we felt it better to do that than wish we hadn't waited....e.g. for NoK purposes...it will seem pressing when you/your partner wishes you'd done it the day before IYSWIM.

Though I am cavalier about it though, being married DOES mean something to us. Its not more than the relationship itself, and we'd been together two years before we were married, so not forever at all, but it felt good to have cemented a commitment we had already made to each other, and to me it does feel a bit different, and did at the time. There might be other reasons for that though...eg. we were in our twenties, so relatively young, a couple of years before most of the rest of our peer group friends did: so it wasn't felt other than for our situation...''inevitable'' and also...our parents weren't thrilled, so it felt quite a commitment in that sense too...really moving away from parents' influence. If that had features in anyway after being together 25 years then I'd be worried, :rotfl:. But nevertheless I love being married to him, and it feels ''different'' to us....but so was being in a relationship with him. I do think having the contractual commitment as regards practicalities is in itself a worthwhile situation.

gratefulforhelp_2

Lotus-eater wrote: »

My real vows come every day. When I make her cups of tea, change a pooey nappy (from DS ),

Glad you specified whose nappy;)

mountainofdebt wrote: »

you didn't promise anything to God.....you made the vows to EACH OTHER IN FRONT of Him.

Think of HIM as being a sort of mega Judge Judy if that helps.

Pretty funny and apposite.

Judge Judy would give PTN a full on NY Jewish talking to:rotfl:

POPPYOSCAR

lostinrates wrote: »

its not such a faff at the registry office....you give notice, then book a slot, go take two witnesses done in a very short time.

we felt it better to do that than wish we hadn't waited....e.g. for NoK purposes...it will seem pressing when you/your partner wishes you'd done it the day before IYSWIM.

Though I am cavalier about it though, being married DOES mean something to us. Its not more than the relationship itself, and we'd been together two years before we were married, so not forever at all, but it felt good to have cemented a commitment we had already made to each other, and to me it does feel a bit different, and did at the time. There might be other reasons for that though...eg. we were in our twenties, so relatively young, a couple of years before most of the rest of our peer group friends did: so it wasn't felt other than for our situation...''inevitable'' and also...our parents weren't thrilled, so it felt quite a commitment in that sense too...really moving away from parents' influence. If that had features in anyway after being together 25 years then I'd be worried, :rotfl:. But nevertheless I love being married to him, and it feels ''different'' to us....but so was being in a relationship with him. I do think having the contractual commitment as regards practicalities is in itself a worthwhile situation.

Thats what we will probably do as I hate a fuss.

When we mentioned getting married, the reaction from the children was - big party, grandchildren as bridesmaids/page boys. They do not understand that we do not want all that.

To them at their age the notion of marriage is a romantic one, to us it is a practical one only.

Errata

Don't tell 'em.

POPPYOSCAR

Errata wrote: »

Don't tell 'em.

Yes, that idea has been mooted!!

Li0nhead

Vegas, Shotgun and $200 is all it takes.....

POPPYOSCAR

Li0nhead wrote: »

Vegas, Shotgun and $200 is all it takes.....

I rather like the idea of a typical corny 'Elvis' Las Vegas wedding.

If I have to go through this ritual I might as well get a laugh out of it.

nickyhutch

victory wrote: »

So you stand infront of god and all that is wholly to promise to each other till death do us part for nothing? Has it got a clause then where it says-'well we shall see how long I can be bothered with all this marriage lark and if I so wish will give it a miss thank you very much?'

It never said that at my vows;)

I didn't stand in front of God (capital letter) and all that is holy (not "wholly"). I stood in front of my OH and promised to him that I'd love him, treat him well, look after him, etc etc. I can't remember precisely, but it was heartfelt.

No, it did not have the clause you mention, as well you know, and that's not how I view my marriage. I intend to stay married and am not here "as long as I can be bothered".

You misunderstand me, perhaps deliberately.