Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

nickyhutch

MrsAtobe wrote: »

Whilst I agree with you that day-to-day behaviour is very important, the vows that I will make when I marry Mr A are very important to me, and not something I will undertake lightly. I can't abide people who break their promises, which is what the vows are, ultimately.

Are we not allowed different viewpoints?

The "being married" bit is what's important to me, not what happened at the wedding. It's absolutely fine for you to see things differently.

nickyhutch

victory wrote: »

The vows were supposed to be sacred

To you, maybe. Not especially to me.

MrsAtobe

nickyhutch wrote: »

Are we not allowed different viewpoints?

The "being married" bit is what's important to me, not what happened at the wedding. It's absolutely fine for you to see things differently.

Of course we are! I just posted one, after all:). I was not attacking you, just putting a different viewpoint over.

mountainofdebt

nickyhutch wrote: »

Are we not allowed different viewpoints?

The "being married" bit is what's important to me, not what happened at the wedding. It's absolutely fine for you to see things differently.

But what is being married, if it's not upholding the vows (= promises) that were made on the wedding day? To me the most important part of my wedding day was the bit in the service where the OH and I made our vows....not the dress, the flowers or any of the arty farty stuff but the vows.

If it weren't for these vows why get married?

nickyhutch

mountainofdebt wrote: »

But what is being married, if it's not upholding the vows (= promises) that were made on the wedding day? To me the most important part of my wedding day was the bit in the service where the OH and I made our vows....not the dress, the flowers or any of the arty farty stuff but the vows.

If it weren't for these vows why get married?

Being married, for me, is the same as living with OH for 7 years prior to the wedding. I feel no more secure, no more loving, no more tied down.... I feel just the same. HE, however, feels much more secure. It was VERY important to him that we got married, and because it mattered so much to him, and because I love him, I was happy to get married.

The dress, the flowers, the meal, all that didn't matter one jot, and if I could have got away with it I'd have just had us sign the forms and wear the rings, but his mother and my niece would never have spoken to me again!

I know my views on marriage don't really go along with the norm, but my relationship - making sure he's happy and loved and secure - really does matter to me. I'd be heartbroken if I thought he wasn't happy, and will go a long way to ensure he is.

victory

nickyhutch wrote: »

To you, maybe. Not especially to me.

So you stand infront of god and all that is wholly to promise to each other till death do us part for nothing? Has it got a clause then where it says-'well we shall see how long I can be bothered with all this marriage lark and if I so wish will give it a miss thank you very much?'

It never said that at my vows;)

Lotus-eater

I'm with nicky on this one, I don't care married or not. I've only just got married (not before god thankyou a registry office) and lived together for over a decade, so it's not important to me.

It makes no difference now, if I had cheated before, I would have cheated. If I cheat now, I still cheat, what difference does saying a few words make?
None to me.

victory

Can't agree, see the point that it makes no difference if that what you were going to do anyone, married or not, see that but the vows you took should remind you not to do it and to honour and obey well maybe not obey:rotfl:

mountainofdebt

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I'm with nicky on this one, I don't care married or not. I've only just got married (not before god thankyou a registry office) and lived together for over a decade, so it's not important to me.

It makes no difference now, if I had cheated before, I would have cheated. If I cheat now, I still cheat, what difference does saying a few words make?
None to me.

Whether a person gets married in church, in a registry office or a hotel, its the promises you make before all your friends and family is the difference between two single people living/sleeping together and being married.

To me that's a major difference....

Lotus-eater

victory wrote: »

Can't agree, see the point that it makes no difference if that what you were going to do anyone, married or not, see that but the vows you took should remind you not to do it and to honour and obey well maybe not obey:rotfl:

My OH does the obeying

Vows...... no, no way. It was nice and a bit touching tbh, but forgotten.

My real vows come every day. When I make her cups of tea, change a pooey nappy (from DS ), hold her hand when out for a walk, make dinner, have a chat/laugh.
These are my real vows and they have to be kept up, no relying on a archaic ceremony to help remember them.

It's the same way I think of most religions, if you need it fine, just don't think that everyone does.