Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

FatVonD

purpletoenails wrote: »

No, it's not all on his terms. If I want him particularly for anything then of course I can get in touch, but he is touch everyday anyway.

The reason it's that way round though is because that way he can contact you when it's convenient to him (ie when he's not at home with his wife.) By being at his beck and call your blokey has you exactly where he wants you and unless you do something about it (ie walk away or get yourself out there meeting other men) that's where you're going to stay.

Wickedkitten

purpletoenails wrote: »

No, it's not all on his terms. If I want him particularly for anything then of course I can get in touch, but he is touch everyday anyway. I don't really think I have any right to make demands on him, and he wouldn't make any demands of me either.

You see him when he can get round to seeing you, and when you told him it was over and you didn't want to contact him, he contacted you anyway.

basketcase

purpletoenails wrote: »

I don't continously message him or ring him or text him .

I'm confused, ptn.

How does this tie in with your comment above about him being in touch every day and previous posts about you spending time in the evenings playing games and chatting?

Or is it just that he continuously texts/messages/rings you and you continuously respond?

FatVonD

euronorris wrote: »

Yeah, I see where you are coming from. I think it depends on what led to the one night stand really.

I'd also be devastated by both, but I think most incidents of one night stands would be easier to deal with.

I agree, if I had to choose I'd rather DH had a one night stand than a full-blown affair. Whether I could forgive him or not would depend on whether he came clean about it straight away but either way I think he'd still find himself wearing his b@lls as earrings

Errata

FatVonD wrote: »

The reason it's that way round though is because that way he can contact you when it's convenient to him (ie when he's not at home with his wife.) By being at his beck and call your blokey has you exactly where he wants you and unless you do something about it (ie walk away or get yourself out there meeting other men) that's where you're going to stay.

Until something better comes along, which is what's happened to his wife.

Pollycat

FatVonD wrote: »

I agree, if I had to choose I'd rather DH had a one night stand than a full-blown affair.

I can't see how anybody (except for someone actually having an affair) could disagree with the above.

i said this a few days ago:

Pollycat wrote: »

I'm 100% sure that a one-night-stand is nowhere near as cold and calculating as a full blown affair.

An affair involves sneaking around, making clandestine arrangements to meet another person behind your partner's back.

It involves lying to your partner about where you're going, lying to them about where you've been.

It involves sleeping with your partner knowing that you are maybe infecting them with STDs.

It involves deciding to possibly subject your partner to immense heartbreak and mental stress (just read the posts by pixiedean, EthelBloggs and Denton6 to see just how devasting an affair has been to them) and possibly breaking your family up and subjecting your children to a lowering of the lifestyle they may currently be enjoying.

Sure, having a one-night-stand (often a drunken one) is cheating but not, not, not on the scale of a full blown affair.

Only somebody having an affair with somebody else's partner could be sufficiently deluded to believe otherwise.

sealady

My two pennies worth. An affair can never work out. The married party has the best of both worlds. The happy family situation and the bit on the side. Not matter what he has told you or how he responds to you and how he treats you, do you really think he actually respects you. They are spineless and cannot make up their minds who they want. As long as you keep on giving in to him you exactly like a mattress.

Are you really only worth second place to a man No you are not, get out of the situation as soon as possible, start living your life for yourself and not waiting around for him. No man who wants both is worth wasting energy on.

I found out my ex was having an affair and kicked him out quick smart, as I discovered afterwards that was not his first affair. Yes it's really difficult being on my own but am a better person. If a man cannot be faithful to one person and does not respect his marriage vows how can they give you the respect you deserve.

nickyhutch

sealady wrote: »

My two pennies worth. An affair can never work out. The married party has the best of both worlds. The happy family situation and the bit on the side. Not matter what he has told you or how he responds to you and how he treats you, do you really think he actually respects you. They are spineless and cannot make up their minds who they want. As long as you keep on giving in to him you exactly like a mattress.

Are you really only worth second place to a man No you are not, get out of the situation as soon as possible, start living your life for yourself and not waiting around for him. No man who wants both is worth wasting energy on.

I found out my ex was having an affair and kicked him out quick smart, as I discovered afterwards that was not his first affair. Yes it's really difficult being on my own but am a better person. If a man cannot be faithful to one person and does not respect his marriage vows how can they give you the respect you deserve.

They sometimes do.

My OH respects me. If I'm honest, the vows we made aren't that important to me - they were part of a script in a ceremony. More important is how behaves towards me every day.

MrsAtobe

nickyhutch wrote: »

They sometimes do.

My OH respects me. If I'm honest, the vows we made aren't that important to me - they were part of a script in a ceremony. More important is how behaves towards me every day.

Whilst I agree with you that day-to-day behaviour is very important, the vows that I will make when I marry Mr A are very important to me, and not something I will undertake lightly. I can't abide people who break their promises, which is what the vows are, ultimately.

victory

The vows were supposed to be sacred