Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

neverdespairgirl

purpletoenails wrote: »

In my mind a one night stand with some random woman they picked up in a pub is as bad if not worse than a lengthy affair with someone they have real feelings for.

Wouldn't be lied to regularly and over time be particularly awful?

neverdespairgirl

Lotus-eater wrote: »

If my wife had been having an affair, I would absolutely hate the other man, because I absolutely know that he would be the instigating and main player in the affair.
If my wife was different and was more of a someone who wasn't so laid back, but more ruthless and out to get what she wanted. I wouldn't blame the guy so much at all.

I think it's emotionally easier to blame the other woman or man, because you don't also love them.

purpletoenails

whitewing wrote: »

I didn't say 'forcing'; I said you are actively encouraging him to be deceitful.

while I might not be discouraging him, I don't really think I could be described as 'actively encouraging' him either.

candygirl

purpletoenails wrote: »

while I might not be discouraging him, I don't really think I could be described as 'actively encouraging' him either.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

CH27

purpletoenails wrote: »

while I might not be discouraging him, I don't really think I could be described as 'actively encouraging' him either.

Of course you are actively encouraging him. You do yourself no favours by being playing the innocent.

whitewing

Meeting him, being in contact with him, discussing his wife and family with him, and occasionally having sex with him is all 'actively encouraging him' in my opinion. I think I have read most of the posts, and from what I remember you are still waiting around for him and being in contact with him while you do that?

purpletoenails

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

Wouldn't be lied to regularly and over time be particularly awful?

Yes but I think I would be better able to understand that than understand why they'd want a beer fuelled leg over with a stranger up a dark alley. Like I said, I've never experienced either so I'm just surmising that's how I would feel.

Lotus-eater

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I think it's emotionally easier to blame the other woman or man, because you don't also love them.

No, that's not what I said at all, what I said, I stand by.

Bitsy_Beans

purpletoenails wrote: »

while I might not be discouraging him, I don't really think I could be described as 'actively encouraging' him either.

That's disingenous and you know it.
By allowing him to have sex you are actively encouraging. If it wasn't offered to him on a plate he wouldn't be able to eat at the table.
He can't have an affair with you if you refused so whilst free will comes in to play for both of you from where I sit you are as complicit in this as much as he is.

Bitsy_Beans

purpletoenails wrote: »

Yes but I think I would be better able to understand that than understand why they'd want a beer fuelled leg over with a stranger up a dark alley. Like I said, I've never experienced either so I'm just surmising that's how I would feel.

If my husband had sex with another person as part of a one night stand I'd be crushed but I could accept that part of it was emotionless sex. However a long term affair I would find harder to deal with, I don't believe anyone has sex with anyone long term and develops no emotional attachment. This would just make the whole affair more hurtful that my husband was emotionally involved with another woman.