Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

purpletoenails

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

In other words the entire thing is on his terms. If you two ever did get together properly, I wonder how he'd like it when you made demands, as married couples inevitably have to do on occasions.

No, it's not all on his terms. If I want him particularly for anything then of course I can get in touch, but he is touch everyday anyway. I don't really think I have any right to make demands on him, and he wouldn't make any demands of me either.

whitewing

You are available to him every single day and yet you still don't think you are actively encouraging him to deceive his wife.

purpletoenails

whitewing wrote: »

You are available to him every single day and yet you still don't think you are actively encouraging him to deceive his wife.

No, twice this week I've been busy when he wanted to call, but generally I'm available to most people on most days, not just him.

purpletoenails

mountainofdebt wrote: »

But you won't will you .....you've tried to break it off and when he clicked his fingers you went running back.

What has got to happen PTN for it to be a real deal breaker? His wife becomes pregnant? (ok unlikely due to age probably but you get my drift) When do you get some self respect and realise that you are getting the crumbs?

And the reason you won't tell his wife is because then the whole sorry mess will become public and he will be forced to make a decision and do you know what - there's a tiny part of you that is scared to do that because you're not 100% convinced that he will leave his wife.

Either that or you're secretly scared of him actually leaving his wife and wanting to move in with you and that frightens you as well.

You can lie to yourself if you want ......

I don't think I'm lying to myself.

I didn't go running back, in fact I feel that I have distanced myself somewhat, yes we are still in a relationship but I do need some space and thinking time.

The reason I'm not prepared to tell his wife is because it's not my place to. And you're right, I'm not 100% sure he would leave. But if he wants to leave then he will, if he doesnt then he won't.

*Redhead*

If someone were to tell his wife, then I'd be pretty sure HE wouldn't be the one to choose whether he stays or goes...

justmel

PTN of course you are actively encouraging him to deceive his wife! If you refused to see him,spend time with him and communicate with him the affair would then stop.

By agreeing to carry on seeing him you are showing willing and that is encouragement,not that i am saying you are the one who should shoulder the majority of the blame here because he is the one who is married,he took vows that he went on to break and imo he is far more at fault than you are but you are a part of this too and just by agreeing to remain his lover that is encouragement.

Recently i met a man,he behaved in a very flirtatious way towards me so much so that others in the circle we were in noticed this,i decided to back off and make a concious effort to spend less time with him and more time with the others,if i had continued to spend time with him or given him attention he may well have thought i wanted him to carry on and i would have been encouraging him to do that.

I'm not saying he wanted to take it any further than this flirting but it wasn't appropriate and it was a situation that may well have developed if i had encouraged his attention,the fact is that for many reasons i did not want anything from him so i backed off,everyone has that choice.

You have a choice,you can carry on seeing this man or you can stop wasting your time which imo you are and no longer be a part of the trainwreck that will happen if his wife does ever find out,i accept that we don't know her but i can't see her waving him off to you with a smile and a good luck.

victory

Marker wrote: »

I just think your the scum of the earth, you are everything that is wrong with the world. I could call you all the names under the sun, but the only one fitting for a woman with such a limited moral compass is CHEAP!

I hope your relationship with a MARRIED man does not last, I either hope he goes back to his wife and fully commits to her, or cheats on your CHEAP rear to.

You disgust me, dont even reply to my post, your words would just be filthy sentences strung together.

Wow no need for that at all.

justmel

victory wrote: »

Wow no need for that at all.

Agreed,i hadn't seen the post you quoted until now,there are plenty of ways to express an opinion without resorting to personal attacks!

neverdespairgirl

purpletoenails wrote: »

while I might not be discouraging him, I don't really think I could be described as 'actively encouraging' him either.

You are having an affair with him, and you aren't encouraging him to have an affair?!

cheepskate_2

the term "why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free" springs to mind.

Months and how many posts down the line and still the little mistress ,doing as your told.

For some people the mistress is all they can acheive , this is one of them.