Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

purpletoenails

Bitsy_Beans wrote: »

That's disingenous and you know it.
By allowing him to have sex you are actively encouraging. If it wasn't offered to him on a plate he wouldn't be able to eat at the table.
He can't have an affair with you if you refused so whilst free will comes in to play for both of you from where I sit you are as complicit in this as much as he is.

If the only reason he was seeing me was because I was offering him sex, then he would only ever come to see me at my house, and I wouldn't have seen him at all for the last few months. I don't continously message him or ring him or text him and I certainly don't go out of my way to entice or seduce him, and never have done, and certainly didn't set out to try and do that.

mountainofdebt

purpletoenails wrote: »

If the only reason he was seeing me was because I was offering him sex, then he would only ever come to see me at my house, and I wouldn't have seen him at all for the last few months. I don't continously message him or ring him or text him and I certainly don't go out of my way to entice or seduce him, and never have done, and certainly didn't set out to try and do that.

Tell you what PTN - force the issue even more than you half heartly did last time .......tell his wife what's been going on.

That way if stays with her then you know he wasn't that into you or if he leaves her for you then you get the happy ending you crave and try to justify.

Oh yes I forgot you won't do that because you don't want to be the one who forces the issue so when it goes **** up then you can come out of this holier than thou.

purpletoenails

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Tell you what PTN - force the issue even more than you half heartly did last time .......tell his wife what's been going on.

That way if stays with her then you know he wasn't that into you or if he leaves her for you then you get the happy ending you crave and try to justify.

Oh yes I forgot you won't do that because you don't want to be the one who forces the issue so when it goes **** up then you can come out of this holier than thou.

No, I won't do it because its not my place to do it, and I think you already know that I wouldn't want him to leave only because I'd forced him to.

Bitsy_Beans

purpletoenails wrote: »

If the only reason he was seeing me was because I was offering him sex, then he would only ever come to see me at my house, and I wouldn't have seen him at all for the last few months. I don't continously message him or ring him or text him and I certainly don't go out of my way to entice or seduce him, and never have done, and certainly didn't set out to try and do that.

I am a bit confused as to what your point is?

So what if you didn't set out to seduce him you still put out. Should he have read that action as a "thanks but no thanks" as I suspect it was read rather differently and with your consent.

the problem is here is you and I (and other posters) have a different view of what "encouraging" actually consists of. Do you really not see that by not saying no you are giving him the message that this is OK, it doesn't have to be about how many text messages you send or how often you chase him to meet up (or how often you don't chase him up I've no idea how often you have contact). The very fact that you are willing to engage in an affair and sleep with him suggests you encourage this just in a more subtle way.

At the end of the day one of my friends had an affair with a married man. I am not so niave or holier than thou to think stuff like this goes on. However there really isn't any point trying to dress it up and pretend it's something different.

And in answer to your original question many many many pages ago I rarely think affairs can have a happy ending. Sure there are exceptions to every rule and some go on to leave very fullfilling lives together. However this long down the road......nah I can't see him ever leaving her for you.

mountainofdebt

purpletoenails wrote: »

No, I won't do it because its not my place to do it, and I think you already know that I wouldn't want him to leave only because I'd forced him to.

But's its your place to provide the home comforts when he clicks his fingers?

You obviously didn't read - or want to read - my post properly - force the issue ......make him choose ....or are you afraid that he won't choose you ?

Bogof_Babe

purpletoenails wrote: »

If the only reason he was seeing me was because I was offering him sex, then he would only ever come to see me at my house, and I wouldn't have seen him at all for the last few months. I don't continously message him or ring him or text him and I certainly don't go out of my way to entice or seduce him, and never have done, and certainly didn't set out to try and do that.

In other words the entire thing is on his terms. If you two ever did get together properly, I wonder how he'd like it when you made demands, as married couples inevitably have to do on occasions.

purpletoenails

mountainofdebt wrote: »

But's its your place to provide the home comforts when he clicks his fingers?

You obviously didn't read - or want to read - my post properly - force the issue ......make him choose ....or are you afraid that he won't choose you ?

No it's not my place to do that either.

Your post said to tell his wife, and I'm not doing that, ever.

I don't want to force him to do anything, he has to make a decision, in his own time, and if during that time I decide to call it quits, then that will be the end of it anyway.

mountainofdebt

purpletoenails wrote: »

No it's not my place to do that either.

Your post said to tell his wife, and I'm not doing that, ever.

I don't want to force him to do anything, he has to make a decision, in his own time, and if during that time I decide to call it quits, then that will be the end of it anyway.

But you won't will you .....you've tried to break it off and when he clicked his fingers you went running back.

What has got to happen PTN for it to be a real deal breaker? His wife becomes pregnant? (ok unlikely due to age probably but you get my drift) When do you get some self respect and realise that you are getting the crumbs?

And the reason you won't tell his wife is because then the whole sorry mess will become public and he will be forced to make a decision and do you know what - there's a tiny part of you that is scared to do that because you're not 100% convinced that he will leave his wife.

Either that or you're secretly scared of him actually leaving his wife and wanting to move in with you and that frightens you as well.

You can lie to yourself if you want ......

1echidna

Is this thread still full of people telling you what to do ptn? What a bore.

Marker_2

There would be no affairs if there was no willing participants.