Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Lotus-eater

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Hard to argue with that, though maybe we are missing the point that many affairs start out as just the once...

Do they?

I think that most affairs that last, start out as emotional friendship.

I've just been thinking why people on the whole like PTN's and I think I've worked it out.
If my wife had been having an affair, I would absolutely hate the other man, because I absolutely know that he would be the instigating and main player in the affair.
If my wife was different and was more of a someone who wasn't so laid back, but more ruthless and out to get what she wanted. I wouldn't blame the guy so much at all.

PTN's is the one who can't help herself, she's the weak one, the one who can't call it off, even though she said before she wanted too. It's the other guy calling the shots.

I think that's the reason, so telling her to worry about the feelings of his family can't work, because she's too weak to do anything about it. She can't see any further than the fog of war that he has blown around her.

Lotus-eater

purpletoenails wrote: »

I have always had the same opinion, I'd hate for anyone to be unfaithful to me, but the thought of someone risking their marriage, their childrens happiness, maybe even their sexual health, just for the sake of a drunken leg over seems to me far more unsavoury! If you're going to risk ruining a relationship, at least do it for something meaningful.

You can get carried away with lust one time, whether with or without alcohol, that's the secret.

Doing it in the cold light of day and lying to someone continuously takes the right kind of complete and utter b@stard.

nickyhutch

I hope if I were to be cheated on it would be a quickie in a back alley rather than something planned out and organised, or a full-on affair. A quickie is (usually) meaningless, and although it's cruel and thoughtless, and still a betrayal, it's not on the same scale as planning a meet, or having a relationship on the side.

purpletoenails

victory wrote: »

uhm?.....................................

Well I'm not married and I'm not being unfaithful to anyone.........

deb68_2

candygirl wrote: »

I couldn't forgive that even.If I thought my OH's bits had been anywhere except where they should be, he would be "bitless";):D:D
Seriously, it would prey on my mind forever if I thought/knew he'd been unfaithful:(:([/QUOT

Am with you on that 100 %

purpletoenails

euronorris wrote: »

Yeah, I see where you are coming from. I think it depends on what led to the one night stand really.

I'd also be devastated by both, but I think most incidents of one night stands would be easier to deal with.

Well thats just how I feel, and neither has to my knowledge occured in any relationship I've had, maybe I would feel differently if it had.

whitewing

purpletoenails wrote: »

Well I'm not married and I'm not being unfaithful to anyone.........

You are actively encouraging someone to cheat and lie.

Olls

Blimey i've just spent an age reading this thread

Anyway my 2 pence.

My Dad had an affair and left my Mum for this lady and is still with her. I know affairs are not black and white and happen for many reasons, but it doesn't mean that it's right to treat your wife/husband/partner/family so bloody shoddily.

Oh the excuses, they come thick and fast and i've heard them all. Kids although not nice to class them as an excuse as such, it still is an excuse to not leave or to think you're doing a noble thing by sticking around (b%^&$^&s) and i understand that its tough when there is kids involved, but it's causes more harm than good, imo. Because you know kids are not stupid and pick up on things and work things out and still end up getting hurt.
　
I know that i would have respect for my Dad (because i have none) if he was honest and left Mum instead of having an affair (although still upsetting, the betrayal was too much) The affair broke my Mum and her heart (She's good now) and tore the family apart.

I won't forgive him for that.
　
So yes people who have affairs are utterly selfish and not just the ones who are doing the actual cheating on. I would say think how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot? Because I tell you it can be painful hell and the funny thing is that most (if not all) people would HATE it if the shoe was on the other foot. I do love the hypocrisy.

(sorry if i sound harsh, but i have no time for it)

purpletoenails

whitewing wrote: »

You are actively encouraging someone to cheat and lie.

I'm not forcing him to do anything, he has his own free will, the same as we all do.

whitewing

purpletoenails wrote: »

I'm not forcing him to do anything, he has his own free will, the same as we all do.

I didn't say 'forcing'; I said you are actively encouraging him to be deceitful.