Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

gratefulforhelp_2

Lotus-eater wrote: »

One day I hope to be as perceptive as your good self _party_

Probably about the same time as my gender reassignment surgery.

Tee hee you're funny. It's been discredited that stuff about multitasking, so you might want to reconsider:rotfl:

purpletoenails wrote: »

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

I'm not actually being unfaithful to anyone, so its not really to do with my infidelity.

And I'm more than happy for the thread to have silly asides, I'm not totally lacking a sense of humour

Sorry infidelity should have read adultery.

eta

"voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not their spouse"

I think you're going to need your sense of humour sadly.

euronorris

purpletoenails wrote: »

In my mind a one night stand with some random woman they picked up in a pub is as bad if not worse than a lengthy affair with someone they have real feelings for.

I'm curious. Why? Particularly, how could it be worse?

The only instance I could think of where it would be worse, is if they did it repeatedly, but that would show such a complete lack of respect for the existing relationship and partner i'd be surprised if the partner stayed with them (assuming they knew).

gratefulforhelp_2

I can see where PTN is coming from, since the one-night-stand is not a consequence of knowledge of or feelings for the other person.

I think I would be devastated by both TBH.

purpletoenails

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I'm surprised and most people don't seem to agree with you.

Maybe I shouldn't be that surprised, because you just seem to be putting forward reasons why, what you are doing, isn't so bad.

I didn't write that btw (above), be nice if you could edit your post to show that.

Sorry didn't notice that, it was a quote within a quote, have edited it out now.

I have always had the same opinion, I'd hate for anyone to be unfaithful to me, but the thought of someone risking their marriage, their childrens happiness, maybe even their sexual health, just for the sake of a drunken leg over seems to me far more unsavoury! If you're going to risk ruining a relationship, at least do it for something meaningful.

gratefulforhelp_2

purpletoenails wrote: »

I have always had the same opinion, I'd hate for anyone to be unfaithful to me, but the thought of someone risking their marriage, their childrens happiness, maybe even their sexual health, just for the sake of a drunken leg over seems to me far more unsavoury! If you're going to risk ruining a relationship, at least do it for something meaningful.

The problem with that though, is the fling is one betrayal, with maybe some nearly-excuses, the other is a whole collection of deceits and betrayals.

euronorris

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

I can see where PTN is coming from, since the one-night-stand is not a consequence of knowledge of or feelings for the other person.

I think I would be devastated by both TBH.

Yeah, I see where you are coming from. I think it depends on what led to the one night stand really.

I'd also be devastated by both, but I think most incidents of one night stands would be easier to deal with.

euronorris

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

The problem with that though, is the fling is one betrayal, with maybe some nearly-excuses, the other is a whole collection of deceits and betrayals.

I also think that if it was that meaningful, it would be worth the upset of ending the marriage/relationship there are in first.

shellsuit

IF it was going to happen to me, I'd rather my husband got his leg over someone while he was drunk, than to have an emotional relationship with another woman.

I don't want him to whisper sweet nothings to another woman, I don't want him to daydream about another woman and I don't want another woman to put a smile on his face and butterflies in his stomach.

There is a huge difference where the 2nd is far more serious and upsetting IMO.

I don't like being lied to. Period. I grounded my daughter for a month for lying to me. I HATE it.

How much lying do you think this guy does to his wife, kids and you? Plenty of it for it to still be going on after 2 years.

And please don't say he doesn't lie to you. You don't know this man. You only know what he wants you to know.

Unless you have lived with him through his normal daily routine for a period of time, you have no idea what he is really like.

gratefulforhelp_2

euronorris wrote: »

I also think that if it was that meaningful, it would be worth the upset of ending the marriage/relationship there are in first.

Hard to argue with that, though maybe we are missing the point that many affairs start out as just the once...

victory

purpletoenails wrote: »

I'm not actually being unfaithful to anyone, so its not really to do with my infidelity.

uhm?.....................................