Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

lostinrates

victory wrote: »

So you stand infront of god and all that is wholly to promise to each other till death do us part for nothing? Has it got a clause then where it says-'well we shall see how long I can be bothered with all this marriage lark and if I so wish will give it a miss thank you very much?'

It never said that at my vows;)

TBH, dh and I couldn't care less what we promised God, its what we promised each other that counts to us...and stands.

Lotus-eater

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Whether a person gets married in church, in a registry office or a hotel, its the promises you make before all your friends and family is the difference between two single people living/sleeping together and being married.

To me that's a major difference....

As above, to you yes.

Why would you think everyone must be the same as you?

We got married for purely legal reasons/nice all have the same name/slightly romantic ring wearing.

I can't even remember the promises I made at the wedding, I doubt she can either. But she remembered she loves me enough to give me a lay in today and I gave her a big kiss for being lovely.

No promises keeping us together that we made at the wedding, just the unspoken promises we made when we moved in together. Respect, love and friendship.

mountainofdebt

lostinrates wrote: »

TBH, dh and I couldn't care less what we promised God, its what we promised each other that counts to us...and stands.

you didn't promise anything to God.....you made the vows to EACH OTHER IN FRONT of Him.

Think of HIM as being a sort of mega Judge Judy if that helps.

Lotus-eater

mountainofdebt wrote: »

you didn't promise anything to God.....you made the vows to EACH OTHER IN FRONT of Him.

Think of HIM as being a sort of mega Judge Judy if that helps.

And you're his mouthpiece are you?

What happens if I don't believe in god?

mountainofdebt

Lotus-eater wrote: »

As above, to you yes.

Why would you think everyone must be the same as you?

We got married for purely legal reasons/nice all have the same name/slightly romantic ring wearing.

I can't even remember the promises I made at the wedding, I doubt she can either. But she remembered she loves me enough to give me a lay in today and I gave her a big kiss for being lovely.

No promises keeping us together that we made at the wedding, just the unspoken promises we made when we moved in together. Respect, love and friendship.

Either one of you could have changed your name by deed poll - no need of marriage there.

Both of you could have worn a ring on your third finger- no law that says you have to be married to wear a ring on that finger - no need for marriage there either

And legal reasons? Well married couples and co-habiting couples are treated different in so few areas of life that I'm having difficulty in thinking of a situation where they are treated differently.So again no need for marriage there either?

Surely the foundation for marriage is, as you say respect, love and friendship - and I would argue by having an affair, the married person is showing a distinct lack of respect for the other partner

mountainofdebt

Lotus-eater wrote: »

And you're his mouthpiece are you?

What happens if I don't believe in god?

Er no - what I was responding to was lostinrates comment that she hadn't promised anything to God......I said that promises were made in front of Him - not to him - along with friends and family.

If you don't believe in God then that's your right but when you got married you still made promises in front of your friends and family

lostinrates

mountainofdebt wrote: »

you didn't promise anything to God.....you made the vows to EACH OTHER IN FRONT of Him.

Think of HIM as being a sort of mega Judge Judy if that helps.

Judge Judy??

dh and I don't believe in god in the sense many do -though we are respectful of the religions we were brought up in we do not believe in them. we made promises (and indeed a contract) to each other, and that's what matters to us. The moral and legal obligations and rights we hooked each other into. We don't NEED god to be involved to be committed to each other or believe the vows binding. (we didn't make our vows in front of family either, and only two friends) it really is just about us for us. Its not less important our way.

edit: oh, and I still use my maiden name for some things, and we considered taking our ''own'' surname, but then decided it was too complicated.

Lotus-eater

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Either one of you could have changed your name by deed poll - no need of marriage there.

Both of you could have worn a ring on your third finger- no law that says you have to be married to wear a ring on that finger - no need for marriage there either

And legal reasons? Well married couples and co-habiting couples are treated different in so few areas of life that I'm having difficulty in thinking of a situation where they are treated differently.So again no need for marriage there either?

Surely the foundation for marriage is, as you say respect, love and friendship - and I would argue by having an affair, the married person is showing a distinct lack of respect for the other partner

Of course the married person is showing a lack of respect! But when I wasn't married I would still have been showing the same amount of disrespect!

And legal reasons? I'm not going to dredge up all the different things, but it is a bit easier when you are married according to the authorities that rule in the UK.

lostinrates

mountainofdebt wrote: »

And legal reasons? Well married couples and co-habiting couples are treated different in so few areas of life that I'm having difficulty in thinking of a situation where they are treated differently.So again no need for marriage there either?

really? For us it was of huge importance these differences, in how we hold and share money and also, pressingly for me, that I wanted dh to be without question my NoK for medical decisions and inheritance purposes.

Lotus-eater

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Er no - what I was responding to was lostinrates comment that she hadn't promised anything to God......I said that promises were made in front of Him - not to him - along with friends and family.

If you don't believe in God then that's your right but when you got married you still made promises in front of your friends and family

Well we had a couple of members of family there, no friends, I didn't think of it as making promises tbh, just getting legally married.
But when I held her hand, it was romantic and I meant what I said (whatever it was)

So it was lovely getting married, but it hasn't changed anything for us, apart from it's more expensive to split up of course :rotfl: