Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

nickyhutch

Marisco wrote: »

But what are people supposed to do if they are unhappy? Stick to vows regardless? TBH I think very few people take them that seriously, that they would stick in an unhappy marriage.

That's exactly my viewpoint, thank you.

Poet123, I'm sure he meant them when he said them however many years ago, but things changed, as they often do. I meant mine first time round too, but things changed.

I think some people have said on this thread that they would stay together even if they were unhappy, because they made a vow. I'm sorry if it upsets people, but I would not stay with someone I didn't love, or who didn't love me, or who treated me badly, or cheated on me, or made me unhappy.

nickyhutch

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

You are right, so many people don't take them seriously enough.

I think I may have asked you this before, but would you stay with someone who didn't love you, didn't treat you well, made you unhappy, just because you promised you would? Does the fact that they fell out of love with you, or treated you badly or made you unhappy not release you from that promise?

poet123

[/QUOTE]
Poet123, I'm sure he meant them when he said them however many years ago, but things changed, as they often do. I meant mine first time round too, but things changed.

I think some people have said on this thread that they would stay together even if they were unhappy, because they made a vow. I'm sorry if it upsets people, but I would not stay with someone I didn't love, or who didn't love me, or who treated me badly, or cheated on me, or made me unhappy.[/QUOTE]

Nor would I but that does not mean I would have an affair either. There is another way, be honest with your partner, admit the marriage is over, and walk away.

WeegieWumman

purpletoenails,
On the 12th July, you asked, 'Can an affair ever have a happy ending?' You wondered if he'd leave his wife for you. You were fed up with the situation and didn't know whether to carry on or walk away. Many people complied with your request and gave you their opinion.
89 days and almost 3½ thousand posts later, perhaps you should mention if you are any nearer to an answer.

POPPYOSCAR

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

You are right, so many people don't take them seriously enough.

Whilst I agree some people do not take them seriously enough, I also do not think you should stay in a bad relationship just because you are married.

Life is for living not just existing.

gratefulforhelp_2

nickyhutch wrote: »

I think I may have asked you this before, but would you stay with someone who didn't love you, didn't treat you well, made you unhappy, just because you promised you would? Does the fact that they fell out of love with you, or treated you badly or made you unhappy not release you from that promise?

You have asked and I have answered.

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Life is for living not just existing.

If there were children involved, then for me, I would just exist if it meant they were happier.

I'm not saying that one should stay regardless of any ill treatment.

nickyhutch

poet123 wrote: »

Poet123, I'm sure he meant them when he said them however many years ago, but things changed, as they often do. I meant mine first time round too, but things changed.

I think some people have said on this thread that they would stay together even if they were unhappy, because they made a vow. I'm sorry if it upsets people, but I would not stay with someone I didn't love, or who didn't love me, or who treated me badly, or cheated on me, or made me unhappy.[/QUOTE]

Nor would I but that does not mean I would have an affair either. There is another way, be honest with your partner, admit the marriage is over, and walk away.[/QUOTE]

Walking away, affair or not, is breaking your vows, though, isn't it?

seven-day-weekend

Marisco wrote: »

But what are people supposed to do if they are unhappy? Stick to vows regardless? TBH I think very few people take them that seriously, that they would stick in an unhappy marriage.

After trying to make the relationship work, if they then have to divorce they should do so before starting another relationship.

POPPYOSCAR

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

You have asked and I have answered.



[COLOR=purple]If there were children involved, then for me, I would just exist if it meant they were happier.[/COLOR]

I'm not saying that one should stay regardless of any ill treatment.

I understand this sentiment but children can be happy, if not happier, when their parents part. I have family who despite their considerable differences, managed to put them aside when they divorced for the sake of the children and the children have been very happy.

Personally, if I was unhappy in my relationship I am sure that would impact on my children anyway.

I would also say my way of thinking has changed as I have got older.
I used to put my children first all the time but now they are older I am beginning to consider myself a little more.

I think that sometimes it can be harder for older children when their parents break up to accept seeing either parent with someone else as it seems so alien to them. In a conversation with our son the other day he said that if I was ever with another man, even if his dad was not alive, he would not like it and would make life very difficult for him - totally selfish in my view, thinking of his feelings and not that I might want/need company(not that I would as I would rather be on my own).

There is a thread on the go at the moment(asking for financial advice) by a lady who stayed with her husband while the children were young but now that they are grown up she wants to leave as she can't stand the sight of him.What an awful position to be in.

nickyhutch

Imagine being a20 year-old and finding out that your parents, despite not being happy and making each other miserable, stayed together for you, and maybe gave up the opportunity to be happy with someone else.