Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

purpletoenails

cheepskate wrote: »

the term "why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free" springs to mind.

Months and how many posts down the line and still the little mistress ,doing as your told.

For some people the mistress is all they can acheive , this is one of them.

Are you saying that I'm not good enough and don't deserve to have a proper relationship with anyone?

basketcase wrote: »

I'm confused, ptn.

How does this tie in with your comment above about him being in touch every day and previous posts about you spending time in the evenings playing games and chatting?

Or is it just that he continuously texts/messages/rings you and you continuously respond?

He gets in touch everday, not continuously no, but often enough. If he comes and plays games, they're group games not one to one games, so not a great deal of chatting goes on.

WeegieWumman wrote: »

purpletoenails,
On the 12th July, you asked, 'Can an affair ever have a happy ending?' You wondered if he'd leave his wife for you. You were fed up with the situation and didn't know whether to carry on or walk away. Many people complied with your request and gave you their opinion.
89 days and almost 3½ thousand posts later, perhaps you should mention if you are any nearer to an answer.

I think the general consensus is that it's unlikely to have a happy ending. I wasn't at that point wondering if he'd leave his wife for me. I think it's more of a case that he is unlikely to leave his family, as a whole. I can see why, and I understand up to a point. I have more or less resigned myself to the fact that for the time being he is going to stay where he is, for a variety of reasons. I don't think I can hang around indefinitely waiting to see what he wants, it's not fair to anyone. I can see now that while I'm around, he has little incentive to really work at his marriage and try to get it back to where everyone is happy.

POPPYOSCAR

nickyhutch wrote: »

Imagine being a20 year-old and finding out that your parents, despite not being happy and making each other miserable, stayed together for you, and maybe gave up the opportunity to be happy with someone else.

I agree.

But if they were anything like our son, it would not bother him!!

POPPYOSCAR

purpletoenails wrote: »

Are you saying that I'm not good enough and don't deserve to have a proper relationship with anyone?



He gets in touch everday, not continuously no, but often enough. If he comes and plays games, they're group games not one to one games, so not a great deal of chatting goes on.



I think the general consensus is that it's unlikely to have a happy ending. I wasn't at that point wondering if he'd leave his wife for me. I think it's more of a case that he is unlikely to leave his family, as a whole. I can see why, and I understand up to a point. I have more or less resigned myself to the fact that for the time being he is going to stay where he is, for a variety of reasons. I don't think I can hang around indefinitely waiting to see what he wants, it's not fair to anyone. I can see now that while I'm around, he has little incentive to really work at his marriage and try to get it back to where everyone is happy.

You have hit the nail on the head.

So can I ask, now that you do see this why have you not told him to stop all contact? I know it's hard but you know it has to be done.

lostinrates

PTN, besides all of that..which obviously I agree with,....I think it would be better for you to have someone in your life who can concentrate on his relationship with YOU.

Errata

purpletoenails wrote: »

I can see now that while I'm around, he has little incentive to really work at his marriage and try to get it back to where everyone is happy.

That's the most sensible thing you've written. He has no incentive whilst he does what he pleases, and it appears he does, and you simply fall into line.
As for leaving his wife, the longer he leaves it the older he gets and the more it will cost him and I'll bet my shirt he won't be up for it.

Keep your dignity and give yourself a chance to find a bloke who will be with you in flesh and blood, not some bl00dy dots on a screen in a computer game.

MrsAtobe

My parents divorced when I was 7, and all I can really remember of that time is the blazing rows waking me up, and having to move out of the home I grew up in ( my mother's solicitor was going through a nervous breakdown at the time, and didn't act well on behalf of my mother), we should never have had to leave that house.

I think hearing the rows did me more damage than anything else, I will now back down from confrontations, even if I am in the right., which means I've been a bit of a doormat for most of my life. I also find it difficult to express my feelings in a positive way, even though Mr A is helping with this.

POPPYOSCAR

MrsAtobe wrote: »

My parents divorced when I was 7, and all I can really remember of that time is the blazing rows waking me up, and having to move out of the home I grew up in ( my mother's solicitor was going through a nervous breakdown at the time, and didn't act well on behalf of my mother), we should never have had to leave that house.

I think hearing the rows did me more damage than anything else, I will now back down from confrontations, even if I am in the right., which means I've been a bit of a doormat for most of my life. I also find it difficult to express my feelings in a positive way, even though Mr A is helping with this.

Sorry to hear what you went through.

My parents had blazing rows and my dad led a dogs life, but they did not divorce - I only wish they had.

Bubby

nickyhutch wrote: »

That's exactly my viewpoint, thank you.

Poet123, I'm sure he meant them when he said them however many years ago, but things changed, as they often do. I meant mine first time round too, but things changed.

I think some people have said on this thread that they would stay together even if they were unhappy, because they made a vow. I'm sorry if it upsets people, but I would not stay with someone I didn't love, or who didn't love me, or who treated me badly, or cheated on me, or made me unhappy.[/QUOTE]

I would stay if I was unhappy or had just fallen out of love because I believe that is something that can always be found again if you work at it. If there are children involved then that would be the added incentive to get past any upset. Obviously there are exceptions to this rule such as forgiving an affair or domestic violence.

nickyhutch

Bubby wrote: »

nickyhutch wrote: »

That's exactly my viewpoint, thank you.

Poet123, I'm sure he meant them when he said them however many years ago, but things changed, as they often do. I meant mine first time round too, but things changed.

I think some people have said on this thread that they would stay together even if they were unhappy, because they made a vow. I'm sorry if it upsets people, but I would not stay with someone I didn't love, or who didn't love me, or who treated me badly, or cheated on me, or made me unhappy.[/QUOTE]

I would stay if I was unhappy or had just fallen out of love because I believe that is something that can always be found again if you work at it. If there are children involved then that would be the added incentive to get past any upset. Obviously there are exceptions to this rule such as forgiving an affair or domestic violence.

You would stay with someone you no longer loved, or who no longer loved you, in the hope that it "could be found again"? I really don't get this, but respect your opinion and bravery in choosing to do that.

I'm firmly in the "you only live once" camp and couldn't bear to live that once unhappy and miserable, just because I'd once stood up and said "I promise".

raddyantic

So no girlfriend for me ...no affair for me...hmmm I was thinking as a last resort of 'taking up' dogging - but alas I don't have a car anymore - damn!!!![/QUOTE]

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Can't you borrow one?

Quite what Avis would make of that am not sure!!