Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Lotus-eater

lostinrates wrote: »

Even if its just enough love left, or memory of love and respect for a person to call time on things properly.

I think this is right. I really love and respect my OH and wouldn't want to hurt her. I couldn't go behind her back, it would eat me up inside. I respect her too much for that and I think too much of myself.

A one night stand or drunken fumble, while it can still break up a marriage, is to me alot more understanding, than a cold light of day, long affair.

Errata

lostinrates wrote: »

Hmm. I think despite what has been said the chances are her self esteem is not high. .

Some people have extremely high self regard coupled with extremely low standards of behaviour.

euronorris

Lotus-eater wrote: »

A one night stand or drunken fumble, while it can still break up a marriage, is to me alot more understanding, than a cold light of day, long affair.

Me too, I think.

It would still hurt like hell, but making a mistake is a lot easier to understand and therefore forgive, than a cold hearted decision to deceive and cheat on an ongoing basis.

euronorris

Errata wrote: »

Some people have extremely high self regard coupled with extremely low standards of behaviour.

I don't believe that's true.

I think some people, with extremely low self esteem are very good at putting on a show and making people believe the exact opposite. Their actions are usually always based around making themselves feel better, or look better (at least in their eyes), which leads me to believe that low self esteem is the driving force behind their actions and words.

But that's just my opinion.

victory

Lotus-eater wrote: »

A one night stand or drunken fumble, while it can still break up a marriage, is to me alot more understanding, than a cold light of day, long affair.

I agree a one night stand would still be a lie, a cheat, a deceit, cause so much pain but to some degree it could be understood if there was lots of alcohol involved or it was because of flirtation going to far, certainly never excusable but from that to actually decided to have an affair and going ahead regardless of the consequences and other peoples feelings now that is as you say a whole different thing.

candygirl

euronorris wrote: »

Me too, I think.

It would still hurt like hell, but making a mistake is a lot easier to understand and therefore forgive, than a cold hearted decision to deceive and cheat on an ongoing basis.

I couldn't forgive that even.If I thought my OH's bits had been anywhere except where they should be, he would be "bitless";):D:D
Seriously, it would prey on my mind forever if I thought/knew he'd been unfaithful:(:(

victory

candygirl wrote: »

I couldn't forgive that even.If I thought my OH's bits had been anywhere except where they should be, he would be "bitless";):D:D
Seriously, it would prey on my mind forever if I thought/knew he'd been unfaithful:(:(

True I can see that, my OH a long time ago used to talk to my friend, we were close but OH seemed to have a giggle and a bit of jokey banter going on, there was nothing in it, nothing happened but I used to feel terribly uncomfortable and edgy towards the end, it could have been jealousy, paranoia or just a womans instinct, no lines were crossed, no secret meeting nothing like that but I just did not like it and so prevention is better than cure, I cut ties with friend and have never put myself in that situation again, I hated it the feelings of it all and nothing even happened:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

gratefulforhelp_2

euronorris wrote: »

I think some people, with extremely low self esteem are very good at putting on a show and making people believe the exact opposite. Their actions are usually always based around making themselves feel better, or look better (at least in their eyes), which leads me to believe that low self esteem is the driving force behind their actions and words.

Sometimes the most arrogant have the least sense of self-worth.

victory wrote: »

I agree a one night stand would still be a lie, a cheat, a deceit, cause so much pain but to some degree it could be understood if there was lots of alcohol involved or it was because of flirtation going to far, certainly never excusable but from that to actually decided to have an affair and going ahead regardless of the consequences and other peoples feelings now that is as you say a whole different thing.

A person having a one night stand actually decides to do that too, though I can see that's only one decision rather than making the same decision over and over.

victory

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Sometimes the most arrogant have the least sense of self-worth.



A person having a one night stand actually decides to do that too, though I can see that's only one decision rather than making the same decision over and over.

Yes I can see that but there are extenuating circumstances for that one decision, I am not sure that someone goes out from their marital home and decides before he gets to the pub that he is going to pick up a girl and have a one night stand with her, I am not sure a one night stand is as calculated and cold as a full blown affair.

gratefulforhelp_2

victory wrote: »

True I can see that, my OH a long time ago used to talk to my friend, we were close but OH seemed to have a giggle and a bit of jokey banter going on, there was nothing in it, nothing happened but I used to feel terribly uncomfortable and edgy towards the end, it could have been jealousy, paranoia or just a womans instinct, no lines were crossed, no secret meeting nothing like that but I just did not like it and so prevention is better than cure, I cut ties with friend and have never put myself in that situation again, I hated it the feelings of it all and nothing even happened:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Goodness.

I will be careful how I speak to friends' husbands...