Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

victory

That sounds like immense pressure to me

layton55

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I think you have to understand layton that there are a lot of very hurt people on here, some of whom have been treated, and continue to be treated very badly by their ex. For some it is very raw.

i do understand that and the OW are one of them too and I also understand we will never get any sympathy. i'm not looking for sympathy. just hoping people can appreciate that it's not always black and white. and believe it or not, i feel very much for the women who remain to be treated badly by their exes. not something i condone and if 'my MM' was one of those believe me i wouldn't waste a single breath on him.

POPPYOSCAR

layton55 wrote: »

i do understand that and the OW are one of them too and I also understand we will never get any sympathy. i'm not looking for sympathy. just hoping people can appreciate that it's not always black and white. and believe it or not, i feel very much for the women who remain to be treated badly by their exes. not something i condone and if 'my MM' was one of those believe me i wouldn't waste a single breath on him.

I don't think you should expect any sympathy really. After all you have put yourself in that position.

layton55

lostinrates wrote: »

My parents are separating now, and I think they both deserve it and it was a long time coming. But dispite any misgiving I have about their relationship (or their apptitude as parents) I still think neither deserved being cheated on. I can't stand my B.i.L. I think he's been extremely damaging to my sister (and in some ways their kids)....but I still don't think he deserves to be cheated on but I sure as hell wish my sister would leave him.

edit: just because I wish my sister would divorce her DH doesn't mean I'm right, just because you feel your mother would have deserved it doesn't mean you are right, and just because layton and PTN are in love doesn't make their actions right. Sometimes we are all wrong. The best we can hope for is to confine our wrongs to thoughts and wishes and minimise their impact on others. IMO. but I may be wrong

I completely concur that our actions are not always right. Sometimes people just do the wrong, stupid things I guess for the 'right' reasons..

layton55

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I don't think you should expect any sympathy really. After all you have put yourself in that position.

i don't at all. trust me!

lostinrates

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I don't think you should expect any sympathy really. After all you have put yourself in that position.

Actually, I can afford them some sympathy but I can do that while feeling they are throroughly in the wrong for their actions, yet sympathise with their confusion and hurt and want.

I was so very nearly one in the past, and I am proud of myself for taking a step back. I can have tremendous sympathy for women in love with someone they can't or shouldn't have, but I have more sympathy with people who are with someone they can and should have and its all going wrong and one of the key people in a triangle who could and should remove themselves from it doesn't.

bre16

layton55 wrote: »

clearly there's a quite a few of you here who don't like to hear the other side of the story. unfortunately they exist whether you want to believe it or not. whilst i can empathise what it might be like to be the cheated W and mother i cannot truly appreciate the pain as I haven't been through it. for those of you who have such a strong opinion about what and who the MM and OW are - it's the same really. you will never truly understand the things they go through unless you've been there yourself so before you jump down anyone's throats who are here to help the people who have posted on this thread looking for help, maybe think twice and don't bother posting if it riles you that much! i'm not as patient as PTN and not about to take this abuse from people who have only one view of the world, theirs.

delusional is the women who cling onto their marriage for dear life, refusing to admit it's over and putting up with disrespect, betrayal and pain they say they go through. and for what? the kids? or yourselves? are you too afraid to move on? to be alone? to depend on yourself? how much is it really for the kids? i think they're the questions you need to answer for yourselves, no need to share on here.

Well I'm not a 'cheated wife or mother' and I have very strong opinions on cheating... IT IS WRONG! and no I wouldn't know what it's like to have an affair but I feel I can 'judge' because I was in an absolutely miserable marriage but I managed not to drop my knickers at any tom !!!!!! or harry!
Having read your post's you come over as extremely delusional!

SaLoGo

Perhaps some of the men (and women) we've spoke about in this thread would benefit from this... https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3520253

POPPYOSCAR

lostinrates wrote: »

Actually, I can afford them some sympathy but I can do that while feeling they are throroughly in the wrong for their actions, yet sympathise with their confusion and hurt and want.

I was so very nearly one in the past, and I am proud of myself for taking a step back. I can have tremendous sympathy for women in love with someone they can't or shouldn't have, but I have more sympathy with people who are with someone they can and should have and its all going wrong and one of the key people in a triangle who could and should remove themselves from it doesn't.

Strangely enough, I do not have any sympathy for them. I do not hate them or despise them as some do.I have understanding to a degree, but I feel if they are entering into such a relationship they are leaving themselves wide open to be hurt.

layton55

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Strangely enough, I do not have any sympathy for them. I do not hate them or despise them as some do.I have understanding to a degree, but I feel if they are entering into such a relationship they are leaving themselves wide open to be hurt.

poppyoscar, don't we all open ourselves up to hurt in every relationship we enter though? that's the risk we take when we put trust in another isn't it?