Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

lostinrates

layton55 wrote: »

lostinrates do you mean the deadline we've set? if so i'll try to explain it best i can. so i guess when we all set objectives in life, whether work or personal we need to have a date for when that goal should be achieved. for me it's just a certain date and timelength i am willing to give myself, not him. hope that helps your understanding somewhat?!

No, it really doesn't I'm afraid...

I suppose its a fundamental difference in nature.


I work each day to a list, and bar appointments and deadlines I get things done as soon as I can. I rip plasters off. The nearest thing I can think of is avoiding exercise and when I have to do physio avoiding that til the last moment, but that's something I do with total knowledge its horrific. Everytime I have made a decision about the end of a relationship I've gone through with it at the earliest opportunity, not because I haven't regreted it or found it painful and heartbreaking, but because I know what's on the other side of that pain is better than the pain leading up to that point.
With life acheivements I've exceeded deadlines (I did my a levels in one year for example,) and used ''spare'' time to do other things.

I can't understand the reasoning to delay something that could improve lives after the short term, albeit nauseating and heartbreaking, pain because its painful to wait too. And its not undoable....if you break it off and his other option fails he can still look you up and if you are still willing and available it can rekindle.

I'm just trying to imagine the ''I'll do it on x date'' reasoning. Even before I lived on my very lucky borrowed time I've always felt life is too short to spend a moment more than you have to in pain and not moving forward in a way that makes you, if not happy...we cannot be grinning idiots all the time...at least comfortable that I'm on the right track in life. When I'm not and I realise I'm not I try and change, pronto.

I'm trying to understand what changes on a date sometime in the future, how you'll find it easier...you'll love the same, you'll be conflicted the same...I just don't understand I'm afraid.

layton55

lostinrates wrote: »

No, it really doesn't I'm afraid...

I suppose its a fundamental difference in nature.


I work each day to a list, and bar appointments and deadlines I get things done as soon as I can. I rip plasters off. The nearest thing I can think of is avoiding exercise and when I have to do physio avoiding that til the last moment, but that's something I do with total knowledge its horrific. Everytime I have made a decision about the end of a relationship I've gone through with it at the earliest opportunity, not because I haven't regreted it or found it painful and heartbreaking, but because I know what's on the other side of that pain is better than the pain leading up to that point.
With life acheivements I've exceeded deadlines (I did my a levels in one year for example,) and used ''spare'' time to do other things.

I can't understand the reasoning to delay something that could improve lives after the short term, albeit nauseating and heartbreaking, pain because its painful to wait too. And its not undoable....if you break it off and his other option fails he can still look you up and if you are still willing and available it can rekindle.

I'm just trying to imagine the ''I'll do it on x date'' reasoning. Even before I lived on my very lucky borrowed time I've always felt life is too short to spend a moment more than you have to in pain and not moving forward in a way that makes you, if not happy...we cannot be grinning idiots all the time...at least comfortable that I'm on the right track in life. When I'm not and I realise I'm not I try and change, pronto.

I'm trying to understand what changes on a date sometime in the future, how you'll find it easier...you'll love the same, you'll be conflicted the same...I just don't understand I'm afraid.

i probably is a difference in nature, hence my earlier rant about people being different and circumstances being different. i too like you am done with a relationship once i'm done and have walked away and never looked back. but i've never believed in those relationships like i believe in this one. and so i guess i'm just not quite ready yet to let go but i am getting very close.

neverdespairgirl

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Very much so.

I also say that I want my children to love me for the person I am and not just because I am 'their mother' and happen to be the woman that gave birth to them.

I think the mother-child relationship will always be a very important part of that, though. Inevitably.

I like my mother immensely. I think she's a genuinely good, honest, intelligent, compassionate woman of great integrity. But she's MY MUMMY.

candygirl

GOD we've got BOGOF adulteresses now!!!the more the messier:mad::mad:

neverdespairgirl

layton55 wrote: »

poppyoscar, don't we all open ourselves up to hurt in every relationship we enter though? that's the risk we take when we put trust in another isn't it?

Yes. Trusting someone is always a risk, as is loving someone.

But if you start with a man you know is capable of lying day-in, day-out to the person he's committed to, and happy to live with that level of betrayal and deceit, you are playing with loaded dice.

purpletoenails

candygirl wrote: »

GOD we've got BOGOF adulteresses now!!!the more the messier:mad::mad:

Statistically speaking, on a forum with this many members, there is bound to be more than one person who is having an affair or who has previously been involved in one.

candygirl

purpletoenails wrote: »

Statistically speaking, on a forum with this many members, there is bound to be more than one person who is having an affair or who has previously been involved in one.

That makes it fine then;), but still doesn't answer you original question about the "happy ending.":rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

purpletoenails

candygirl wrote: »

That makes it fine then;), but still doesn't answer you original question about the "happy ending.":rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

I didn't say it was fine, I was just saying that out of a million people, I'm not likely to be the only one having an affair

And I suppose I'll get my answer regarding a happy ending soon enough

essexgirly

candygirl wrote: »

That makes it fine then;), but still doesn't answer you original question about the "happy ending.":rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

I'm sure it does not make it fine or either stance.

But the answer to the original question is: If he leaves his wife for PTN, then YES she does have a happy ending.

If he stays with the wife.... don't know, because in all honesty, what man would set out to start an affair if he was happy in the first place.

In all honesty, we are going round and round in circles, there are people that are flexible in their understandings, and there are others who are so rigid in their beliefs (for whatever reason, and I for one would not question them). But really we have got into a debate of different understandings, yes everybody knows the moralistic point of view.

But realistically, i think this debate has its pro's and cons.

People seem anti PTN because she, has very bravely, disclosed in front of all, her situation. I for one have seen countless separated women ship lots of different men into their lives, when going through difficult times.

Is that right or wrong, does that have a happy ending for the children.

PTN comes across as a mature sensible woman, who is not just diving into something for the sake of it, she appears to have thought lots of things through and not involved her children. Right or wrong she has kept her emotions to herself, hence coming on here.

She is right in her words, that there are more people involved outside of marriage, than would care to admit. Yes she knows she is a bad woman, a home wrecker, marriage breaker, and all those bad things that she has not denied being. But, she still has feelings, and before everybody jumps on the bandwagon of saying she should have chose somebody single..etc etc etc, blah blah blah. She didn't so lets just deal with her truthfulness and honesty. Yes she should walk away, but so should a thousand other woman, that are complaining about their husbands etc, etc, etc etc.....

End of rant

plumpmouse

essexgirly wrote: »

I'm sure it does not make it fine or either stance.

But the answer to the original question is: If he leaves his wife for PTN, then YES she does have a happy ending.

Maybe, maybe not.

The man she is having an affair with will undoubtedly change when he separates from his wife. His relationships with his friends, family and most importantly his children will change. He will still remain in some form of contact with his wife even if just at children's weddings etc, he will be financially worse off.

PTN will also have step children who in all probability will dislike her and want to make her life uncomfortable. She has already acknowledged that the children don't want their father to leave so they are unlikely to find that he has been conducting an affair for years behind all his families backs

He could alter completely from the man he is now and PTN may find that her "happy" ending isn't very happy.

I tell you what PTN I wouldn't like to lead the life you are living now but I certainly wouldn't want to lead the "happy" ending you may get.

Wish you well and hope you do find the strength to walk away