Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

shouldstopspending

I've been reading but not commented but thought i'd share.

I was married, and had an affair with a really lovely man I'd met online. I was like a ping pong ball back and forth for months.. not knowing what to do.

In the end I left husband, went to lover boy... lover boy smothered me to death, never have I been loved so much, he cared for me, wanted the babies, the house etc etc... but it wasn't my happy ending. I ended up single, loving life and loving myself.

Having said, I'd never ever ever cheat on another boyfriend ever again.. its not fun at all!!! so this leopard has changed her spots.

Now I need to find that happy single life all over again. Life really is a rollercoaster.

FatVonD

layton55 wrote: »

i'm not saying she should roll over. walking away isn't rolling over just to be clear either. but when she gets to the point where she can't take it anymore that's when she needs to do it.

When she can't stand what any more, Layton? Do you mean you will carry on the affair in the hope she'll walk away when you have both hurt her enough?

Do you mind me asking also when/how long your date/length of time is or are you too going to play it close to your chest so as not to lose face when that time has elapsed and you're still hanging on?

FatVonD

broke101 wrote: »

Imaybe I am just a bit mean!!!

Or just a bit human

FatVonD

essexgirly wrote: »

what man would set out to start an affair if he was happy in the first place.

One that needs his ego stroking, one that has become bored with the person he's turned into and wants to believe he's still vital and exciting, one that's having a mid-life crisis...

Bogof_Babe

FatVonD wrote: »

One that needs his ego stroking, one that has become bored with the person he's turned into and wants to believe he's still vital and exciting, one that's having a mid-life crisis...

Some men have affairs for the same reason they trade in their car for a newer model every couple of years - because they can, and because they crave the novelty of the new, and perceive it to be smarter/classier/better than what they currently have.

The remarks about a betrayed wife "must be doing something wrong" just aren't valid. With the best will in the world, a wife of many years will lack one attractive trait, and that's novelty value. Also because she presumably knows her husband pretty well, she won't be inclined to worship the air he breathes, like a new conquest would.

Finally, spare a thought for the other unavoidable thing that wives do - they get older. A 60-year-old might be bored of looking over the dinner table at the silver hair and lined face of his similarly aged wife, however much he loves her, so if his 30-year-old secretary shows an interest in him above and beyond their working relationship, it's little wonder some are tempted to "test the water", or are caught wrong-footed and find themselves deep into a situation they only realise is not going to lead to happiness when it has become very messy to extricate themselves from.

1sttimer_2

FatVonD wrote: »

One that needs his ego stroking, one that has become bored with the person he's turned into and wants to believe he's still vital and exciting, one that's having a mid-life crisis...

I think this is quite true!

I believe that my OH just wanted someone other than me to stroke his ego - I was, afterall, the same person he'd been with for 28+ years and had just fallen by the wayside as a mother figure! I mean, who else was doing the cleaning, feeding etc. He, on the other hand, was such a hardworking bloke, who needed 100+% attention when he had finished his working day, and the dear little wife who, after her working day, did all the usual housework stuff. No wonder I was so boring to him!

The OW was much more exciting, she didn't harp on about what little he did in the home, and at 2am in the morning, wasn't sound asleep in bed, absolutely shattered!

It takes allsorts to make and break a marriage - this one didn't break, fortunately, but it didn't necessarily end up happily ever after for anyone - well not straight away. I don't know if the OW is happy or not, my OH seems to be the cat that got the cream as he's in the win win situation, he had his fling, got his hands slapped and still has the wife at home, whilst the wife is still wondering if it will ever happen again, even after 5 years, although I think all is ok, I can still get upset over what happened.

Kathy535

I read somewhere that there are three reasons why people have affairs - i) they are serial adulterers, unable to commit and always looking for the next new thing ii) there is something wrong in their relationship and iii) the other person is their dream so the opportunity is too good to miss (guess that excuse only works once!).

I wouldn't ever condemn someone for being the other person, or even for having an affair where deep feelings are involved, if you are on the outside you have no idea of the motivations and issues involved. Having said that it's not something I'd want to do and I hope that my DH would be honest with me were he ever tempted (and, let's be honest, it's always nice to know the opportunities are there regardless of one's disinclination to take them!)

euronorris

Kathy535 wrote: »

I wouldn't ever condemn someone for being the other person, or even for having an affair where deep feelings are involved, if you are on the outside you have no idea of the motivations and issues involved.

Sorry, just to clarify, do you mean that you think it is OK to have an affair if the parties involved feel very deeply about one another?

fay66

Nothing will change with him , unless his wife throws him out, hes got the cake and eat it deal , if you move on with your life , i bet it wont take him long to be on to the next, unfortunately this is life.
Why waste your time, if you thinking and writing this thread and asking if he would leave? , then you must have niggling thoughts in the back of your mind, I bet you will still be here in 5 years writing the same old thing, he wont have left.

Frogletina

A poem, not one of mine but one I read today which speaks for itself.


When this mess is over and I can come to terms with the fact
That it took you thirty-seven years to leave me
I can start to live my life anew

When this mess is over, the legal wrangles untangled
And the house is sold, perhaps I can live where I
Won't always be reminded of you

When this mess is over, and I can number the friends
I have with one hand, perhaps I'll forget
Those I spurned because of you

When this mess is over, and I stop taking days off work
Because I can't cope, I'll take the holiday denied for me so long
(Though never to your mistresses nor you)

When that holiday is over and I am grown old with
The winter sun of a remote coast, will you have the gall
To write to me wanting to come back?

As if those different happy memories were all I cherished
And not the freedom to suffer into knowledge alone
To my new-found self at last quite true