Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

essexgirly

plumpmouse wrote: »

Maybe, maybe not.

The man she is having an affair with will undoubtedly change when he separates from his wife. His relationships with his friends, family and most importantly his children will change. He will still remain in some form of contact with his wife even if just at children's weddings etc, he will be financially worse off.

PTN will also have step children who in all probability will dislike her and want to make her life uncomfortable. She has already acknowledged that the children don't want their father to leave so they are unlikely to find that he has been conducting an affair for years behind all his families backs

He could alter completely from the man he is now and PTN may find that her "happy" ending isn't very happy.

I tell you what PTN I wouldn't like to lead the life you are living now but I certainly wouldn't want to lead the "happy" ending you may get.

Wish you well and hope you do find the strength to walk away

Yes, I agree.

POPPYOSCAR

purpletoenails wrote: »

Statistically speaking, on a forum with this many members, there is bound to be more than one person who is having an affair or who has previously been involved in one.

Yes, and with this thread having over 124,000 views and over 3,000 posts I would hazard a guess there are an awful lots of affairs going on out there!

Lotus-eater

essexgirly wrote: »

Yes she knows she is a bad woman, a home wrecker, marriage breaker, and all those bad things that she has not denied being.

Does she? The main thing that comes across lately, is that all the women that have had affairs seem to be saying that they were doing the man and his marriage a favour.

gratefulforhelp_2

layton55 wrote: »

self-respect is already gone for all parties concerned when an affair happens - it's

No. The cuckolded man/woman retains theirs, or at least, should do.

lostinrates wrote: »

but I am iuncomfortable with leaving a post that can suggest that the cheated on is more to blame. Sometimes perhaps they are just too damn busy feeding kids, going to work managing a house and assuming their life partner is silently there for them.

It's a good point. When we have 3 kids and 2 fulltime jobs, and so less time for each other, does that justify the actions of the adulterer?

Errata

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

It's a good point. When we have 3 kids and 2 fulltime jobs, and so less time for each other, does that justify the actions of the adulterer?

No, of course it doesn't. Some married people will always philander. The weak and spineless ones will discuss the ins and outs of their marriage with the person they're having an affair with, who will listen to their tale of woe with ears wide open.

cheepskate_2

Errata wrote: »

No, of course it doesn't. Some married people will always philander. The weak and spineless ones will discuss the ins and outs of their marriage with the person they're having an affair with, who will listen to their tale of woe with ears wide open.

thinking - when i get him he will never do it to me as i am so better than the wife\husband and would never treat their mm\mw the way they do.


- A wise person once told me there are at least two sides to every story- only the stupid and guillable beleive a one sided story.

broke101_2

I have been readng this thread for a while but never posted, but I have to tell you all what has just happened in my office in relation to affairs. It may show Purplenails something, not entirely sure what myself. Maybe, if a man can lie to his wife he won't think twice about lying to you.
Anyhow, a guy in my office has been having an affair with a girl in his team for I think about 2 years. It's always been a bit of a work drama. He's married she is single, they are about the same age, mid thirties. There has always been the promises of he is working out his finances to leave his wife and she has always bought this.
He has just walked into the office with his new baby (about a week old) and his wife to show everyone!!!! He sent her a text saying sorry, never found the words to tell you!
Well it seems as if her happy ending is now crying in the toilets with everyone in the office knowing what a fool she has been believing his lies. I almost feel sorry for her, only almost that is. I think she always really believed he would leave and they would be together. I can't help but smile a little that his wife is stunning, maybe I am just a bit mean!!!

halibut2209

cheepskate wrote: »

- A wise person once told me there are at least two sides to every story- only the stupid and guillable beleive a one sided story.

There are 3 sides to every story. Your side, my side, and the truth inbetween

euronorris

layton55 wrote: »

very good question. i asked him on the day we decided no contact and that he should try to save his marriage whether:

a) he wanted to save his marriage?
b) did he want to be with his wife?

(verusus just going through the motions to says he's tried everything)

his answer was that he didn't know and couldn't answer. that left me pretty baffled to be honest as i personally don't know how you can save a marriage without saying yes to both questions.

so yes he should have reached his deadline but he said he'd tell me when he comes to the definitive decision. i however won't wait longer than i intend and also won't push him to hurry the decision.

Don't ask me why I keep coming back to this thread, I don't know, I just can't seem to not respond to certain things.

Anyway, I'm not surprised the MM in question couldn't answer those questions you asked.

With you in the picture, he isn't able to take a step back, look at his marriage and ask himself if he wants to be in the marriage, because you are always at the side offering a 'grass is greener' option.

Until he removes you from the picture, and for a good while too, he can't look at his wife and the marriage objectively. If he did decide not to try, would it be because he knew he had you to go to, or because you were the 'easier' or more attractive option at the time (I mean that in terms of not requiring a lot of work to fix the relationship)? Would he regret his decision to leave in the future, because he allowed his judgement to be clouded by lust for another woman, instead of really considering the facts. Are the issues in the marriage really that bad, or has he just built them up to be that way since he met you and so on and so on.

So, IMO, he is doing the right thing at the moment. He has cut contact with you to clear his head, and really try to fix his marriage (if it's even possible).

RainbowDreamer

PTN only you know deep down what you want to do. No one knows if it will work out or what the future will bring. You just need to weigh up the possibilities and try and decide from that. I do not think people calling PTN a home wrecker etc is going to change any decisions made, but I do understand why most people are against affairs. I suppose he must not be happy in his marraige to be having the affair in the first place, but at the same time if he is unhappy he should end the relationship and get a divorce.
It is not a situation I would stay in, knowing he is sleeping with me and another person at the same time. Sharing a bed with another person and playing happy families, but then spending a small amount of time with me. In a relationship I want the bloke all to myself sexually and emotionally.
I wish you luck in your decision PTN.