Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

seven-day-weekend

Errata wrote: »

Of course it can't be justified, it's called having your cake and eating it.

I would call it betrayal.

layton55

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I do agree that it is important to learn from your mistakes and not repeat them. What I don't agree with is that an affair can be in any way justified.

i don't disagree and i myself would never have an affair if i was in an unhappy relationship. i'd try to deal with it or leave first but people are different. some weaker than others. still, it's inexcusable and can't be justified. i'm not trying to justify it, just trying to give a view from the other sides that's all.

ab7

here's something for you to chew on ptn as you thank layton so are watching
its part of a book synopsis on amazon about couples moving on -

" There is nothing quite like the pain and shock caused when a partner has been unfaithful. The hurt partner often experiences a profound loss of self-respect and falls into a depression that can last for years. For the relationship, infidelity is often a death blow."

see here

neverdespairgirl

layton55 wrote: »

as i said in a previous post, the world would just be perfect and lovely if no one made mistakes but that is unrealistic and unfortunately people, you and I included do. so what matters is how you go about rectifying the mistakes you made.

A mistake is one thing. A 6 month long emotional affair isn't a "mistake". It's a choice, a serious of choices, decisions, betrayals and deceptions.

balletshoes

layton55 wrote: »

i am sorry to hear that you were left to bring up your family. this is exactly the situation that cannot and will not happen. none of us will let it. his kids have always been the priority in all of this. believe me. i'm sorry also that your ex didn't really try to make it work.
my MM has been going to MC for the last 6mnths and we have truly cut contact for the last 3months (apart from LC at work). i will never give him an ultimatum. that's not the way. hope you and your family are in a good place now

forgive me if I've missed this - does your MM's wife know about your affair with him? Does the marriage counsellor?

layton55

balletshoes wrote: »

forgive me if I've missed this - does your MM's wife know about your affair with him? Does the marriage counsellor?

yes to both. he came clean 2 weeks into the EA and went straight into MC

Wickedkitten

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

A mistake is one thing. A 6 month long emotional affair isn't a "mistake". It's a choice, a serious of choices, decisions, betrayals and deceptions.

Exactly, a mistake is forgetting to take a red sock out of the washing machine before you do a white wash. Affairs are deliberates.

Lotus-eater

layton55 wrote: »

we never saw each other evenings or weekends, just during work time or if his W and kids were away. of course deceit and discovery is damaging. i've never said it isn't but he didn't wait to be discovered. he came clean 2 weeks into our EA. and yes we have ended and started many times and that we know is wrong. do we regret it? only the hurt and pain we've caused those involved

Only?

I think you have no idea of the massive hurt caused. Trying to justify yourself is pathetic. It can destroy people.
I'm sorry, I know I wouldn't contribute any more to this thread, but this made me sick.

clearingout

layton55 wrote: »

i am sorry to hear that you were left to bring up your family. this is exactly the situation that cannot and will not happen. none of us will let it. his kids have always been the priority in all of this. believe me. i'm sorry also that your ex didn't really try to make it work. my MM has been going to MC for the last 6mnths and we have truly cut contact for the last 3months (apart from LC at work). i will never give him an ultimatum. that's not the way. hope you and your family are in a good place now

so you're having an affair and consider yourself somehow superior to other 'other women' because you 'won't let' your relationship impact on the married man's life? You are seriously delusional! It is already impacting on his life, her life, their children's lives. Right now. This minute. And every minute since the affair started. He is no longer committed to his wife and children. You consider him above other married men because he admitted it and went into marriage counselling where he is, presumably, trying to work it all out? He's exactly the same as my ex husband and every other man or woman who engages in these types of relationships. He isn't somehow honourable because he is trying to face up to it. You have no idea what he is saying in those counselling sessions, no idea if he is telling the truth. I sat in two counselling sessions with my ex where he swore blind he wasn't having an affair. He considers the reason for counselling 'failure' to be the fact that I 'manipulated the counsellor for my own ends' (whatever they might have been!). It would be hilarious reading that if it wasn't my own life!

There is nothing at all honourable in these situations. He can go to counselling for the next 2 years but that doesn't make him honest or able to face up to it. It just gives him the space within which he can decide to make or break. In the meantime, that poor woman and his children are living in a veritable purgatory. Just how reasonable and honourable and decent and honest is that?!

victory

So, the affair is justified?