Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

neverdespairgirl

purpletoenails wrote: »

Yes he does find the situation stressful, because he hates the secrecy and guilt, but it is not me that is causing him that stress, he enjoys seeing me and relaxing, having fun, letting off some steam or whatever, that's what he meant when he said that I keep him sane.

I'd like to also say that I don't think the wife is a bad person, I have no feelings towards her either way. It's not me that lives with her, I've never met her, or spoken to her or seen her.

He is choosing that stress, that secrecy, and that guilt. It is a choice entirely open to him, and he could avoid it utterly.

neverdespairgirl

purpletoenails wrote: »

Yes he probably has made a rod for his own back, but that's just the way things are, he's got no option now but to keep doing it for the time being.

He has lots and lots of options. He just don't want to take them.

You need to realise that he is choosing this path in life.

euronorris

essexgirly wrote: »

I myself have lots of acquitances, but I have 3 close friends, very close friends and I would trust 2 of them with my life and I know the feelings are mutual. My very closest friends know me inside out, and likewise I do them, we have grown over the years and really been through thick and thin together. I have no judgemental feelings towards any of them and I know that feeling is mutual. We share our deepest thoughts and feelings with each other, that is why we are friends, we have grown and known each other's personalities, yes there has been crap in our lives, yes we have dealt with it and each of us, in our own way, has made each other stronger. I really cannot believe that some people would disregard their "friends" because of their own personal thoughts. Yes morals are high on people's agendas, but the love, confidentiality, trust and respect of a true friend is a truly great thing. Who are we to judge why, what and how people react in certain situations.

How could I possibly trust someone who isn't trustworthy? They would know that the other person wasn't available, children involved etc and do it anyway.

It's so selfish, what's to say they wouldn't do that to me or break my trust in any other way because it suited them?

The answer is that I could not.

Lotus-eater

candygirl wrote: »

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What about emotionally?How can he really be there for them when he's going behind their Mum's back, and seeing you?Material and financial stuff mean nothing when you find out your Dad's cheating on your Mum:mad:

This is true. When I found out my Mum had cheated on my Dad, I was horrified and I haven't really got over it now. It was a couple of short relationships, but a longer one like the one going on here, would have been devastating.

I think I'm pulling out too, PTN's is now just defending her and his position and it's starting to make me a little sick.

victory

This is going round and round in circles, I am pulling out too, until there is other news or we can discuss something else because we just keep going over and over the same thing:D

Pollycat

victory wrote: »

This is going round and round in circles, I am pulling out too, until there is other news or we can discuss something else because we just keep going over and over the same thing:D

Me too.

And, PTN is starting to get (imho) a little agrieved in her replies as she's started to get more stick than she previously did.
I believe this is partly because she ended the affair and then stupidly allowed it to start up again and partly because she's let a few things out of the bag (e.g. about the row where the children had to intervene) that make her perfect lover's motives for staying (think of the children :cool:) sound not so perfect (or believable) after all.

euronorris

And me.

I don't feel that I can any value to the conversation. There is nothing left to be said, that hasn't been said already.

PTN knows what she needs to do for her own, and his and his family's, happiness but is choosing not to. So, as far as I can tell, this thread has run it's course.

purpletoenails

I've never said having an affair was right in any way. I think that quite clearly it's not an ideal situation, but I still believe that neither him or I are bad people. I'm not defending anyone's position, I am just stating facts. Neither of us are are evil, disgusting people, or bad parent's, or so morally corrupt that we don't care about anyone elses feelings. He can't defend himself at all, and I was just pointing out that yes, he is having an affair, but in my mind he could be an awful lot worse.

I started the thread because I was dissatisfied with the relationship and wanted to ask about other peoples experiences in the same situation- I already knew that having an affair was wrong. I was wondering then whether it was going anywhere, and I accept that it probably isn't, or at least isn't likely to in the near future. I know the best thing I can do is cut my losses and move on with my life. So, the thread has been helpful in that respect. What has been less helpful are the sometimes very personal comments along the way.

There are some great posters on this thread who raised some interesting and thoughtful points, so thank you very much to those people, your input has been greatly appreciated.

If anybody wants to continue posting on the thread that's fine, but if you're all fed up of it, just let it drop off the page.

(and the reason I mentioned the row, was to illustrate how much his children do not want him to leave. I'm not getting anymore stick than I did at the start of thread, but I also believe that it is going round in circles))

plumpmouse

purpletoenails wrote: »

(and the reason I mentioned the row, was to illustrate how much his children do not want him to leave. I'm not getting anymore stick than I did at the start of thread, but I also believe that it is going round in circles))

PTN you have just answered your original question with this sentence I feel.

I stated at the beginning that not everyone involved in an affair can have a happy ending and the above shows this.

Do the right thing, if not for yourself or his wife, for these children who lives will be turned upside down by the mess that this man is making!

POPPYOSCAR

I am happy to continue posting.

I would agree that the thread is going round in circles and the same points being raised again.

Purpletoenails, can I ask just what the situation is now? Are you going to actually continue as before? Just how long are you giving this? What has he said is going to happen?