Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Wickedkitten

purpletoenails wrote: »

I don't feel sorry for friends of people with a moral stance - I feel sorry for the people whos friends would disown them if they did not behave in a certain way.

I accept that my 'whatever you'd like to call him' is not behaving well, but he is still in many other ways a good husband and an excellent father to his children (and yes I know I'll get shot down in flames for saying that)

He might be an excellent father but getting physically and emotionally involved with another women certainly doesn't make him a good husband.

What would you do if you were his wife and he was doing this to you?

purpletoenails

lostinrates wrote: »

did you disown your vile ex?

Was it partly because you considered what he was doing was immoral? (|I'm guessing you probably thought it unsfae and better for your children not to be around...which is how I feel about some other forms of immoral behaviour too.)

No I didn't exactly disown him. I just got to a point where I'd had enough (and it took a while) I ended up homeless, but I bear him no malice anymore, he was a product of his own upbringing. I've gone on to have a mostly happy life, as far as I know he hasn't.

*Redhead* wrote: »

And no. I'm sorry for this...
But no good husband puts it about behind his wives back.

I didn't say he was perfect, but he dotes on his children, does anything for them, and he works bloody hard to make sure nobody wants for anything materially or financially.

*Redhead*

purpletoenails wrote: »

I didn't say he was perfect, but he dotes on his children, does anything for them, and he works bloody hard to make sure nobody wants for anything materially or financially.

Then just say he's a good dad, if he does everything for his children and provides for them. He's just not a good husband.

mountainofdebt

purpletoenails wrote: »

I don't think I ever stated it wasn't morally wrong have I?

I do feel a bit sorry for your friends though, if your love for them is conditional on them meeting your high moral standards!

The point is my friends are people who I consider to have the same values as me.

If they did something that I considered to be so morally wrong (eg sleep with another person's husband for two years and for as long as he deemed fit dangling in front of me the promise of leaving his wife at some indeterminate point in the future) then how can they have the same values as me?

Surely the foundations of any friendship is having the same moral values ?

How the !!!! can you say he's a good husband when he has you on the side? What he's a good husband becuase he irons his own shirts?

Girl you have some weird ideas of what makes a good husband and let me tell you - you've got it all wrong with this one.

POPPYOSCAR

*Redhead* wrote: »

Then just say he's a good dad, if he does everything for his children and provides for them. He's just not a good husband.

I would say that is fair comment.

POPPYOSCAR

mountainofdebt wrote: »

The point is my friends are people who I consider to have the same values as me.

If they did something that I considered to be so morally wrong (eg sleep with another person's husband for two years and for as long as he deemed fit dangling in front of me the promise of leaving his wife at some indeterminate point in the future) then how can they have the same values as me?

Surely the foundations of any friendship is having the same moral values ?

How the !!!! can you say he's a good husband when he has you on the side? What he's a good husband becuase he irons his own shirts?

Girl you have some weird ideas of what makes a good husband and let me tell you - you've got it all wrong with this one.

It may be for you, but that is not the case for everyone,and that does not make the person for who it is different, not 'a decent person'.

candygirl

purpletoenails wrote: »

No I didn't exactly disown him. I just got to a point where I'd had enough (and it took a while) I ended up homeless, but I bear him no malice anymore, he was a product of his own upbringing. I've gone on to have a mostly happy life, as far as I know he hasn't.



I didn't say he was perfect, but he dotes on his children, does anything for them, and he works bloody hard to make sure nobody wants for anything materially or financially.

What about emotionally?How can he really be there for them when he's going behind their Mum's back, and seeing you?Material and financial stuff mean nothing when you find out your Dad's cheating on your Mum:mad:

POPPYOSCAR

purpletoenails wrote: »

No I didn't exactly disown him. I just got to a point where I'd had enough (and it took a while) I ended up homeless, but I bear him no malice anymore, he was a product of his own upbringing. I've gone on to have a mostly happy life, as far as I know he hasn't.



I didn't say he was perfect, but he dotes on his children, does anything for them, and he works bloody hard to make sure nobody wants for anything materially or financially.

Is that such a good thing though? Why is it so important to not want for anything?

I know a teenage girl who gets everything she wants that way, but she has cried over the lack of attention from her workaholic father.

*Redhead*

I just have one more question for the OP, and it's one where I'm really interested in the answer.

If he does leave his wife for you, will you even be able to trust him?
Knowing that he's committed an affair once, will you not constantly be wondering if he'll do it to you?

mountainofdebt

How can he be an excellent father when he's either at work or off with you?

Or are you saying that becuase he's decided to stay that makes him a good father ? Bet the atmosphere in that household is just like The Waltons not!

Or are you saying that he's either at work and off doing things with the children and you are a 'when-I've-got-30 minutes-spare' thing?


Wow - sounds like a real catch there PTN.