Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

*Redhead*

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Have you actually done this then?

Have I cut anyone out of my life because they committed an affair?

No. Because apart from my ex husband, none of my family and friends have ever committed adultery.

lostinrates

*Redhead* wrote: »

Have I cut anyone out of my life because they committed an affair?

No. Because apart from my ex husband, none of my family and friends have ever committed adultery.

TBF, you have to really accept that you need a qualifier like ''to my knowledge''.

purpletoenails

lostinrates wrote: »

And fwiw, my problem morally isn't the falling in love, its the allowing the situation...both friendship and sex, to continue after that point.

even then, I still agree.

In the same way, with a partner, I think there is worse than can happen than an affair: abuse to me or others, murder:eek: . I'd think those far greater crimes. All would impact on my feelings about the person though (partner or friend.)

The thing is all these discussionas about friendship and acceptabilty and what poor friend they are...I think the same of the situation with the bloke....what a poor lifepartner he is being. So as you feel sorry for friends of people with a moral stance, I feel sorry for your acceptance of this in a partner.

I don't feel sorry for friends of people with a moral stance - I feel sorry for the people whos friends would disown them if they did not behave in a certain way.

I accept that my 'whatever you'd like to call him' is not behaving well, but he is still in many other ways a good husband and an excellent father to his children (and yes I know I'll get shot down in flames for saying that)

lostinrates

purpletoenails wrote: »

I don't feel sorry for friends of people with a moral stance - I feel sorry for the people whos friends would disown them if they did not behave in a certain way.
)

did you disown your vile ex?

Was it partly because you considered what he was doing was immoral? (|I'm guessing you probably thought it unsfae and better for your children not to be around...which is how I feel about some other forms of immoral behaviour too.)

*Redhead*

Why do I? I know that neither my parents or siblings have, and I 100% believe that my best friends, who are all married, got married because they actually believe in the marriage vows.

I have no reason at all to doubt my family and friends because some men/women can't keep their clothes on.

And no. I'm sorry for this, but no good husband puts it about behind his wifes back.

If he isn't happy with his wife, he should just leave.
If he is, he should let PTN go.
He's stringing both his wife and PTN along.

POPPYOSCAR

lostinrates wrote: »

TBF, you have to really accept that you need a qualifier like ''to my knowledge''.

I think that is a fair point. My family member has only confided in certain members of the family(me being one of them) and the rest of the family have no idea.(came as quite a surprise to me).

lostinrates

*Redhead* wrote: »

Why do I? I know that neither my parents or siblings have, and I 100% believe that my best friends, who are all married, got married because they actually believe in the marriage vows.

I have no reason at all to doubt my family and friends because some men/women can't keep their clothes on.

And no. I'm sorry for this...
But no good husband puts it about behind his wives back.

I still think you do. Though emotionally I feel the same way. Because statistically we do know adulterers, jsut as statistcally we know other people who do other things not good.

You can't go around not trusting everyone...that I agree with, wholeheartedly.

But I do think we have to accept that things we don't like..including adultery... hit close to home, if we are lucky it won't.

*Redhead*

I know. And after what I went through with ExH, I know full well not to trust people.

However, I do trust my family and friends with my life.

Why would they be my friends, If I couldn't trust them?

POPPYOSCAR

lostinrates wrote: »

I still think you do. Though emotionally I feel the same way. Because statistically we do know adulterers, jsut as statistcally we know other people who do other things not good.

You can't go around not trusting everyone...that I agree with, wholeheartedly.

But I do think we have to accept that things we don't like..including adultery... hit close to home, if we are lucky it won't.

I agree with you.

We have some friends who divorced a few years ago now. They seemed so happy. Lovely home, two great kids, both had good careers - everything going for them. He had an affair and left. We said that out of our circle of friends they were the last couple we would have expected to break up.

lostinrates

purpletoenails wrote: »

I don't feel sorry for friends of people with a moral stance - I feel sorry for the people whos friends would disown them if they did not behave in a certain way.

I accept that my 'whatever you'd like to call him' is not behaving well, but he is still in many other ways a good husband and an excellent father to his children (and yes I know I'll get shot down in flames for saying that)

this doesn't actually refer to PTn's post exactly, but the negative judgement rebuttal followed by a positive judgement triggered the slightly philosophical thought process...

if we cannot presume to judge people negatively how can we presume to judge them positively?


Discernment, selection for what is right for us and those near to us is important, not just in relationships but in other aspects of lkife.

If there was no judgement why are our friends our friends, not everyone. Why be with a particular partner, not the next guy in line who was free and had one common interest. Why select the schools you send kids to, the job you do, where you live....we judge things and people ALL the time, and I return to a point of interest in where we get to the point that its not ok to judge but it is ok to judge judging wrong.

phew. My broken head hurts.:o:o