Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

victory

purpletoenails wrote: »

Just for info, we don't 'talk dirty', and he irons his own shirts

No one is getting at you just trying to make you see;)

lostinrates

victory wrote: »

I must say to you I have a great deal of admiration for your posts, the way you come across and handle yourself it is very human and respectable.

thank you:o:o

there have been a lot of very human and interesting, passionate posts. Insightful. I've enjoyed talking with almost everyone on this thread.

BangorJane

PTN, while reflecting on your situation I tried to find some understanding from your point of view in songs such as the lovely Miss Houston's "Saving All My Love For You" and Marvin Gaye's "Me & Mrs Jones", and from his point of view the wonderfully poignant Mary McGregor's "Torn Between Two Lovers".

Despite my significant research, I am still confounded as to what this is actually based on. I can understand affairs for the hot and heavy passion but what you have with this man seems to be just meh...you appear to have more of a motherly/counselling role to him than that of a lover or potential new wife.

What exactly are you getting out of this that gives you any kind of comfort or happiness that you can't get from any of your friends? I just can't see what it is he is providing that is missing from your life. I think you enjoy the Miss Havisham woe-is-me role, floating about analysing everything he says.

I am over and out on this one; there is only so much of a car crash I can commit to. I have however enjoyed as others have mentioned the debate around this issue and really hope you find what you want out of life.

But this sounds to me like a 13 year old with a crush on teacher. Never gonna happen and you need to grow up and look at the example you're setting for your daughter - what advice would you give her if she came to you with the same situation? Even if she doesn't know about him, she knows you're unhappy.

lostinrates

BangorJane wrote: »

I am still confounded as to what this is actually based on. I can understand affairs for the hot and heavy passion but what you have with this man seems to be just meh...you appear to have more of a motherly/counselling role to him than that of a lover or potential new wife.

What exactly are you getting out of this that gives you any kind of comfort or happiness that you can't get from any of your friends? I just can't see what it is he is providing that is missing from your life. I think you enjoy the Miss Havisham woe-is-me role, floating about analysing everything he says..

I think he is probably kind to her. PTN says she had one abusive relationship and one good one (but the good one obviously didn't have legs so there was a problem somewhere in it). After an abusive relationship and the things that must inevitably be hard even in the most capable single mothers, I can see how a guy who is kind to her is alluring. A guy who is interested in her stresses..because they are remote.

I also imagine there is some sort of subconcious safety, initially, in a relationship with someone who is not free...she is not risking being a live in punching bag. (I've had one abusive relationship and it didn't take me long to get out once it became physical, but in retrospect the emotional stuff had been present from before we were even a couple).

There is the hope of a rosey future, with no imminant imposition...even this stand was based on ''some time about two years in the future'' (that'll be about half a decade invested in the relationship:eek: ) of it.

There is the excitement of a non resident partner...I admit, I get this with dh, on fridays we aree frantic by the time he gets home..it is exciting to be reunited...we don't have a wife to get around but his job...which we both chose....

its just still not the same as something ''real'' and tangible, of relaxed meals with your friends and family occasions...christmases, birthdays, en famille, as someone bringing you a tray with a meal on it when you are poorly. Of having someone to help take the bins out when you just don't want to, of being openly united agaist the world.

*Redhead*

Edited to remove personal info x

balletshoes

Redhead makes a very good point - OP you don't have any contact with your man's wife and/or kids right now - but whether you like it or not, you will if he leaves them and comes to you. His wife and kids will still be in contact with him for a whole host of reasons.

mountainofdebt

Well I was beginning to think I'd misunderstood PTN.......glad to see I was wrong to doubt my inital thoughts

And yes if I found out that a friend of mine was having a long term affair and couldn't see what was so morally wrong in it, then I doubt she would remain a friend for long - I tend to stick by those using the same moral compass as myself.

victory

balletshoes wrote: »

Redhead makes a very good point - OP you don't have any contact with your man's wife and/or kids right now - but whether you like it or not, you will if he leaves them and comes to you. His wife and kids will still be in contact with him for a whole host of reasons.

True it will be a package deal not just the man

purpletoenails

I don't think I ever stated it wasn't morally wrong have I?

I do feel a bit sorry for your friends though, if your love for them is conditional on them meeting your high moral standards!

Bubby

purpletoenails wrote: »

I don't think I ever stated it wasn't morally wrong have I?

I do feel a bit sorry for your friends though, if your love for them is conditional on them meeting your high moral standards!

Not high just the morals of any decent human being