Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

POPPYOSCAR

I think Purpletonails has acknowledged that is it is wrong. I believe her post of 'in your opinion' was in response to the question of 'disowning' friends etc. having affairs.

victory

lostinrates wrote: »

that is her perogative.

has anyone else changes/relaxed/confirmed an opinion? Its an interesting question to ourselves really.

Mine has gone all over the place from sympathy, to questioning, to sadness that a family will be split and made unhappy, concern for the kids, concern for PTN, to dismay, to annoyance, to trying to reason it all out, the whole spectrum of emotions and I don't even know PTN:rotfl::D

purpletoenails

As I said in post 2784, I've never said that having an affair wasn't morally wrong.

However I do feel that there are much much worse things that a friend could do than fall in love with someone that was already in a relationship.

And I'd have no problem with him being in touch with his family, why would I?

POPPYOSCAR

*Redhead* wrote: »

I'm sorry, but I for one would certainly feel different towards people if any of my close friends or family committed an affair.

Especially after them being able to see what affairs do to people first hand.

I'm a 'decent' person but I wouldn't think twice about telling them how I felt about them splitting a family up.

But you never answered the question OP. If you got your wish and this man left his wife/kids for you, would you be happy for him to still be in contact with them? I sincerely doubt you would, and to be fair, you don't even get a choice in that.

Feel different,tell them how you feel, but not 'disown' them. My friends and family mean more to me than that.

*Redhead*

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Feel different,tell them how you feel, but not 'disown' them. My friends and family mean more to me than that.

And my family mean a lot to me, and vice versa.

But after everything, and them seeing the effect that it has on the person being cheated on, and the children involved, if they still continued on their mission to drive a family apart, then I have no trouble in saying I would cut them out of my life.

Clearly, if someone is married, then they aren't available. Nothing would ever convince me to go after someone who is married. There are millions of other people in the world.

essexgirly

I myself have lots of acquitances, but I have 3 close friends, very close friends and I would trust 2 of them with my life and I know the feelings are mutual. My very closest friends know me inside out, and likewise I do them, we have grown over the years and really been through thick and thin together. I have no judgemental feelings towards any of them and I know that feeling is mutual. We share our deepest thoughts and feelings with each other, that is why we are friends, we have grown and known each other's personalities, yes there has been crap in our lives, yes we have dealt with it and each of us, in our own way, has made each other stronger. I really cannot believe that some people would disregard their "friends" because of their own personal thoughts. Yes morals are high on people's agendas, but the love, confidentiality, trust and respect of a true friend is a truly great thing. Who are we to judge why, what and how people react in certain situations.

lostinrates

purpletoenails wrote: »

As .

However I do feel that there are much much worse things that a friend could do than fall in love with someone that was already in a relationship.

?

And fwiw, my problem morally isn't the falling in love, its the allowing the situation...both friendship and sex, to continue after that point.

even then, I still agree.

In the same way, with a partner, I think there is worse than can happen than an affair: abuse to me or others, murder:eek: . I'd think those far greater crimes. All would impact on my feelings about the person though (partner or friend.)

The thing is all these discussionas about friendship and acceptabilty and what poor friend they are...I think the same of the situation with the bloke....what a poor lifepartner he is being. So as you feel sorry for friends of people with a moral stance, I feel sorry for your acceptance of this in a partner.

POPPYOSCAR

*Redhead* wrote: »

And my family mean a lot to me, and vice versa.

But after everything, and them seeing the effect that it has on the person being cheated on, and the children involved, if they still continued on their mission to drive a family apart, then I have no trouble in saying I would cut them out of my life.

Clearly, if someone is married, then they aren't available. Nothing would ever convince me to go after someone who is married. There are millions of other people in the world.

Have you actually done this then?

lostinrates

essexgirly wrote: »

. Who are we to judge why, what and how people react in certain situations.

Human. (Its part of a survival instinct: as is friendship, and a wonderful thing friend ship is) Part of society: that is after all all that laws and conventions are. You wouldn't judge them in ANY circumstances?

edit: and as I said when we last on this theme in this thread you are judging: you are judgeing people who are feeling different about how they would handle it in their friendships....this could happen in any of our real life friendships.

candygirl

*Redhead* wrote: »

And my family mean a lot to me, and vice versa.

But after everything, and them seeing the effect that it has on the person being cheated on, and the children involved, if they still continued on their mission to drive a family apart, then I have no trouble in saying I would cut them out of my life.

Clearly, if someone is married, then they aren't available. Nothing would ever convince me to go after someone who is married. There are millions of other people in the world.

Exactly, and for everyone who believes blokes who moan about their wives, and yet still stay with them, good luck:D:D